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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think Sil's present makes her a cheeky f**cker!

228 replies

RandomeUsername · 12/08/2019 12:56

Sil got DH a family photo package present for his birthday. Nice present because we have a young dc. But it's in the city thats near to her and mil and an hour and a half away from us. She also has said to arrange it with her when we go because she wants to be in the photos. AIBU to think that's quite cheeky of her?

OP posts:
Original poster
RandomeUsername · 12/08/2019 17:26

diddl he would just cave into Sil's demands. Spending lots of money and we get cheap tat in return. Also DH's father gets dh nothing for his birthday, so spending 100 pounds on him would have been annoying

OP posts:
billy1966 · 12/08/2019 17:29

Shit present.
Wouldn't facilitate it in anyway.

Start ignoring her demands.
All of them.

BlessedBeTheFruitCake · 12/08/2019 17:38

We got a similar 'gift' from the in-laws but it was only for a photo shoot no actual photos. We were then given the hard sell and the prices of the photos were extortionate, I'm talking about 1k.

TwentyEight12 · 12/08/2019 17:39

@RandomeUsername

Yes I see what you mean.

Perhaps another option is to talk to your husband and you both agree a set amount of money you will allocate to spend on each family member for birthdays and Christmas? The next time she calls and asks for over this amount, your husband will be able to tell her ‘Randome and I have agreed a limit of money we are able to spend on everyone at Christmas/Birthday, that amount is £x, so feel free to let us know what you would like within that limit.’ Then it’s done. No more conflict or resentment about money being spent on these occasions. Everyone knows where they stand.

Regards the photo-shoot, I guess only time will tell as to the ins and outs of what is expected. If it were me, i’d approach it as a great day out and let him deal with any issues on the day with his folks... but it’s your life and your choices.

Good luck

wibbletooth · 12/08/2019 17:40

Next time she mentions it, I would get DH to say (or you if she says it to you) that you've been speaking to a friend who's recently had a really bad experience with a photoshoot that they had been gifted as a present, that they had nice photos on the website but when they got there it was a factory-like experience, different photographers, photographs were really not that special and then they had to go back and get the hard sell afterwards, they wouldn't let them choose the 'free' photo that came with the gift, it had to be the first shot taken so it was pretty rubbish and there were only really expensive options for other photos and that the gift givers were really upset that their gift had been such a disaster, they were thinking that their relatives would have a lovely free photo for the wall, a few others smaller ones for memories or other relatives and as it was they got one rubbish free photo plus felt obliged to go back to look at the photos for the hard sell a week later and was guilted into spending more than they could afford on a fairly rubbish picture, so all in all everyone felt very upset.

So - If it was a groupon voucher or simialar that she has bought, any chance of changing it to a different offer (think you can do that on some of them for free if you cancel quickly enough) or maybe it's something that she and MiL would like to do together ang that you'll try to get a local photographer who does nice stuff and doesn't charge the earth to take some pictures later on. Then do that - and get prints for MIL and SIL of your family without them for christmas - easy cheap christmas present and because it's sort of what she gave your dh, she can't complain!

managedmis · 12/08/2019 17:41

Yeah, we got 'gifted' one of those. My idea of hell personally and turned out to be Greek gift I. E. Cost us money.

HiJenny35 · 12/08/2019 17:45

I think it's a completely shit and cheeky present, so now you've got to get dressed up, all go to where she lives and have a photo package that will without doubt end up costing you loads more to have photos with her in. That's not a gift that's agro! If it was a present she would have done it near you and travel up so you could relax with the kids, not had a massive journey and enjoyed the day.

Motoko · 12/08/2019 17:49

You still haven't said what DH actually thinks of it!

ILearnedItFromABook · 12/08/2019 17:52

I think it's a crappy gift if it turns out that you have to buy your own prints. And it's a gift that requires a lot of effort on OP's part (since I imagine she'll be the one doing most of the work getting the children photo-ready and keeping them that way).

I wonder if some people have misunderstood some of what OP has said, though...

OP, when you wrote "Finally got DH to say no to her demands. She can sulk all she likes"... Were you referring to her bizarre Christmas ritual of screaming at doors and waking everyone to watch her open her gifts? Because that's how I read it. I don't think OP has convinced her husband to reject this latest birthday gift yet but it sounds like that's what some believe has happened.

Original poster
RandomeUsername · 12/08/2019 17:54

Dh isn't bothered by the gift, but then he never seems bothered by her behaviour. Even her screaming at you to get up early on Christmas morning. He got what seemed like a free mouse mat of her at Christmas once and he wasn't bothered by the cheekiness of it.

OP posts:
NCpreggo · 12/08/2019 18:16

@flouncyfanny - my SIL did that - except it wasn't even a mug or something with a picture on - our entire "Xmas gift" was one of the school pictures which come in a set of our nephew (which MIL had paid for in the first place).

Cheeky of the SIL to say she is going to be in the photos, yes. Your DH needs to ask how many photos are included (i.e. assume there are some) and say what pp has said about people being stung with photoshoots before.

Original poster
RandomeUsername · 12/08/2019 18:30

ILearnedItFromABook I was referring to the bizarre screaming Christmas ritual by not going to inlaws on Christmas eve and staying the night anymore. Can't get dh on my side that it's odd behaviour. If we went he would make us all get up early like Sil wants. I also pick Sil's presents for Christmas and her birthdays which dh is fine with. Rather than getting her the 80 pounds presents she demands. He also said no to her staying at our house the night before our dc's christening because it would have been extra work and stress for me.

OP posts:
Motoko · 12/08/2019 18:42

I think, the only thing you can do, is leave it to him to arrange, if he wants to do it, BUT DO NOT LET HIM SPEND FAMILY MONEY ON THE PHOTOS!

Pjsandbaileys · 12/08/2019 19:05

Is it one of those studios you get one tiny photo at a promo price and the rest are extortionate? Had this happen to me and the rest of the family felt they had a say in chosen photo. If it's not it's a really nice present for you x

Original poster
RandomeUsername · 12/08/2019 19:16

Pjsandbaileys knowing my Sil it will be you get one tiny photo at a promo price and the rest are extortionate and she might try to claim the free one for herself

OP posts:
Cryalot2 · 12/08/2019 19:36

Thank her politely and decline .
Go along with the excellent advice given .
I think telling about a friend who has had a dreadful experience sounds good. That coupled with the fact you don't really feel up to travel.
Hope all works out.

bmbonanza · 13/08/2019 17:44

She is a CF. You dont buy someone a present that is difficult for them and comes with T's and C's! Its a present for her really.

Toooldfornonsense · 13/08/2019 17:47

Definitely weird she wants to be in the photos. Very odd...

60sbird · 13/08/2019 17:56

It is a lovely gift if the pictures are included, most of these photoshoots packages don’t include the pictures, you generally have to purchase them separately

lololove · 13/08/2019 18:00

Be careful it's not one of those places where you get a high pressured sales pitch when it comes to getting the pictures and charged a stupid amount for 3 pics. My friend was caught like that with her baby shoot - she was 'gifted it' and it actually never came with any free pics and was a hard sell from someone else who had been caught the same way IYSWIM.

. It shouldn't be given that she has apparently purchased it to him but she should definitely give him the gift and he should be able to choose who is in them given it is his gift. Cheeky madam!

manicmij · 13/08/2019 18:02

Bit cheeky inviting herself. Your DH gift so he should decide who is in his family" photo. Or to p... off sil just don't go.

lololove · 13/08/2019 18:02

(i've just finished reading the 2nd page and see its been mentioned by someone else too - good luck OP!)

ToftyAC · 13/08/2019 18:05

If it’s the case she won’t hand the gift over so you can have pics without her, I wouldn’t bother at all tbh.

katewhinesalot · 13/08/2019 18:09

Re xmas. Well in advance ask her for a list of gift suggestions. Tell her that the maximum spend is £30 or so. Manage her expectations.

Whatamesshaslunch · 13/08/2019 18:09

As a photographer.... maybe she really rates the one she’s chosen? Not all photographers are created equal Wink