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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think Sil's present makes her a cheeky f**cker!

228 replies

RandomeUsername · 12/08/2019 12:56

Sil got DH a family photo package present for his birthday. Nice present because we have a young dc. But it's in the city thats near to her and mil and an hour and a half away from us. She also has said to arrange it with her when we go because she wants to be in the photos. AIBU to think that's quite cheeky of her?

OP posts:
thecatinthetwat · 12/08/2019 14:40

*Er, she's given herself a family photo package with you in it.

Isn't that like giving an Oxfam goat and keeping it in your own garden?*

This Grin

Yeahnahmum · 12/08/2019 14:40

She sure sounds like a cf.

Original poster
RandomeUsername · 12/08/2019 14:44

@WorraLiberty so we should get her the 80 pounds present she wants for Christmas and we get the usual 5 pounds gifts in return. That's money we could use for our dc.
Or when she demanded to stay at our house the night before our dc's christening I should just say yes and wait on her hand and foot giving into her demands while I'm stressing about the christening the next day. I would be the one doing the brunt of the cooking and cleaning.
Alot of her demands effect me. Like being able to sleep in on Christmas morning without a grown women screaming outside my door early in the morning for me to get up so Sil can open presents infront on everyone. I would be okay if it was a child but not a grown women in her 20s. Sil also refuses to help with cooking and clearing up on Christmas, so who did it fall to - me of course.

OP posts:
IfIShouldFallFromGraceWithGod · 12/08/2019 14:45

CF and will probably cost you £££
I would just forget it and not get round to planning the session

TheCatThatDanced · 12/08/2019 14:45

Not sure it does sound like a CF gift if she's trying to please and get her/MIL in photo... and maybe also arrange time with your family and her DB/MIL.

I would say I'd not tolerate the screaming and shouting from a grown woman at Xmas, so that this spoils you and your family going there for Xmas - sounds very 'Princessy' behaviour but the rest of the family are making a rod for their backs with this behaviour. To be fair to her, if she has no SO (wonder why?!) maybe this behaviour is her strange misguided way of 'getting attention'.

brassbrass · 12/08/2019 14:47

OP don't feel like you have to justify anything. She sounds like a twat!

TheCatThatDanced · 12/08/2019 14:47

OP - going on your last post.

Re her request for an 80 quid present - you simply have a chat with her and say 'we don't have the money for that present, but what would you like?'
and if she stayed with you before the christening but refused to help surely a quiet but polite chat with her e.g. 'can you help me here SIL pls?' is the way to go rather than seethe quietly. Treat her like an adult, not a child!

TheCatThatDanced · 12/08/2019 14:48

Again - ask her for help firmly at Christmas - speak to her! I swear this is what's wrong with a lot of families - lack of basic communication! screams quietly inside

Foslady · 12/08/2019 14:51

I had a SIL like this once, total PITA, not just her but the full family dynamic.
Total CF - they’ll be one free picture that she will choose, you’ll be expected to buy a bigger picture, she’ll pick them up and you’ll have the freebie and she’ll keep the big one and MIL will say don’t rock the boat (if she’s really like exSIL was at that age)

WorraLiberty · 12/08/2019 14:51

OP your last post is irrelivant.

I'm not saying either of you should give in to her demands.

I'm saying this is your husband's birthday present, not yours.

You have no right to tell him not to 'give in to her demands' over this gift.

Especially as you have no idea what the gift actually involves.

Your DH is an adult. Let him deal with it.

Original poster
RandomeUsername · 12/08/2019 14:52

@brassbrass thanks

@TheCatThatDanced she will just sulk. We said no to her staying the night before the christening, dh got no reply and she sulked the whole christening, giving us the silent treatment. My DC cried during the part of the christening and sil started to laugh! Trying to reason with her doesn't work.

OP posts:
Original poster
RandomeUsername · 12/08/2019 14:54

they’ll be one free picture that she will choose, you’ll be expected to buy a bigger picture, she’ll pick them up and you’ll have the freebie and she’ll keep the big one yes this will probably happen and dh won't want to rock the boat and confront her

OP posts:
brassbrass · 12/08/2019 14:56

I think she can actually as it's not an individual present directed specifically at DH. The photoshoot involves OP's time and money and DC so she does have a say if she doesn't want to be roped in to do SIL's bidding. Her DH can choose to go alone of course or just take the DC on his own but what kind of husband would enjoy that?

NoSauce · 12/08/2019 14:56

I agree with Worra, the SILs previous behaviour is a side issue. It’a not your present. Let your husband sort it out with her and keep your beak out if you can.

Beautiful3 · 12/08/2019 14:57

Just forget about it. A few years ago I told all family members not to buy my family and I, any presents as we were only buying for our children. Best thing we've ever done. We extended it to birthdays too, we only send cards now. You should do the same.

TwentyEight12 · 12/08/2019 15:00

There is a lot of resentment between yourself and your husband’s younger sister. I am not here to say or judge whether or not that is right or wrong... it’s not my place.

I am interested in understanding if the resentment you feel towards her, is making you feel good though. Honestly, is it making you feel good?

It appears to me that she is not the one suffering here but that you are. I think that at the end of the day, we can’t change people. We can do different things to manage our feelings and thoughts about them, but ultimately it is not within our power to change another. In my experience of trying to change someone and another trying to change me, the result was just bad feeling and misery.

I feel the best outcome may be to try to accept that she is who she is and likely that will not change and that you either embrace this or you shut the door on her. I also feel that she is in her 20s and is possibly exhibiting the characteristics and behaviours of her generation, yes there is much talk of this generation being self-entitled. Perhaps this is what you are dealing with, I don’t know. But either way, the impact her behaviour is having on your life seems to be fairly momentous.

Is there any way you could work at not being so affected by it?

brassbrass · 12/08/2019 15:03

🤣 looks like you need to ignore more than the SIL

womenspeakout · 12/08/2019 15:04

Can't get the photos done without her, she hasn't given it to dh. She's still holding onto it

Then this isn't a present at all, she's telling you to be in her photos.

If it were a gift you could just have the photos for you, your husband and new baby, or just baby portraits.

Original poster
RandomeUsername · 12/08/2019 15:10

TwentyEight12 thanks, you are right. I do feel alot of resentment. And no it's doesn't feel good. But it's just very irratating when someone is so entitled and cheeky. My DH thankfully doesn't give into her demands as much. That does help. But I can't help thinking of the thinks she has done in the past and it upsets me. How can people be so entitled? She is only 4 years younger than my DH, so isn't a different generation.

OP posts:
TheCakeCrusader · 12/08/2019 15:12

@RandomeUsername
"will be a cut price photo shoot and then you’re expected to shell out for the overpriced print"

I'm thinking this too as its happened to friends of mine too and they ended up shelling a lot (£100's) of money on so so prints! They were lulled in by the 'cheap shoot' but presured with the hard sell afterwards to purchase images.

Not great as well that there's the added condition of the SIL wanting to be in pictures and no doubt, she'll end up with the one 'free' print offered in the package!

WorraLiberty · 12/08/2019 15:17

She hasn't told dh any information other than photo shoot for family.

That's what the OP has said ^^ so everything else is speculation.

The DH needs to speak to his sister and at least show an interest in the birthday gift she's got him.

Unless he already has, but doesn't have the balls to let the OP know.

sheshootssheimplores · 12/08/2019 15:19

I would bet you anything you will be forking out for the photo prints. Many moons ago my sister bought my mum a photo shoot deal. My mother ended up buying framed photos which put her in a load of debt.

jennymanara · 12/08/2019 15:19

Slightly strange that she insists being in them. But 1.5 hours is not far away.

MummyToBe89 · 12/08/2019 15:19

I think that's cheeky. If she's so bothered about being in the pics (which is weird) then surely she can at least travel to you!

diddl · 12/08/2019 15:21

It's not necessarily a bad present-unless you end up paying for the photos.

But if it's not convenient would it not be best for your husband to tell her that it won't be used by him & to give it to someone else?