WIBU to call this out?

[harriethoyle]

On a disgustingly early train to a work thing. Suited and booted as is everyone in my compartment. Everyone in my vicinity is a man.

The chap on the trolley called me love the first time he served me and darling the second time. He has called all of the men around me Sir, both times.

So, the second time, I said "are you aware that you have called me love and darling on the two occasions we've spoken but you are calling all of the men Sir?" At which point he stuttered a bit and apologised.

WIBU in calling out what I felt was total sexism - he didn't call any of the men love! Or am I just a grumpy moo because I've been up for hours and have a long and difficult day ahead and the poor man was just trying to be friendly?!

We should only call out actual sexism (words and actions that have contempt behind them).

Behind this, is the mans inability to address a women with a respectful title, affording her an equivalent status to her male colleagues. He should offer her the same formality he has offered the men, as it's the respectful thing to do. He is affording her lower status, simply because she is a women.

Jeez, think it through.

Well, while I agree with you that he was wrong to call you love/darling whatever. I would not have said anything to him in front of other passengers as I feel it is rude to embarrass someone, unless of course they have deliberately embarrassed you. I don't believe this to be the case here and his attempts at being friendly were thoughtless, not unkind.

@JoyTurner

‘Calling someone out’ and who did not mean to cause offence is really bloody rude, and is a poorer reflection on you in this situation.

I don’t think "are you aware that you have called me love and darling on the two occasions we've spoken but you are calling all of the men Sir?" is rude. It also gives the man an out, he can just say ‘I wasn’t aware sorry’ and leave it that.

It’s interesting that you’re more worried about this man being embarrassed than OP, who was singled out in a group?

Seems like some posters have a problem with being educated as the Op and other pp have pointed out the same point in a number of different ways but it's not going through, is it?
Maybe a BBC documentary style experiment needs to happen for those who can only learn things from the telly. Not at the same time as love Island though .

I hear females in Tesco/Sainsburys and female colleages at work calling men 'love', 'darling', 'lovely' all the time- is itv sexiest when they do it??

Fair enough. I suppose it’s like e-mails/texts, they can be read wrong. I think it’s how OP has posed it as a question expecting an answer that comes a across a bit condescending to me, but I do appreciate that’s just how I’m interpreting it.
I shall just leave it there now 😊

@Coffeeandcherrypie nope, not worried about embarrassing a man. I don’t think it’s necessary to embarrass any sex if they were just intending to be friendly (although in this case misguided).
OP has clarified it wasn’t said to embarrass

I’m afraid I couldn’t have got worked up enough to make the man, who sounded friendly, uncomfortable just to prove a point.

But OP was made to feel uncomfortable by the man in the first place. Imagine if you were addressed as love or darlin, whilst your colleagues were being referred to as sir; it's humiliating.

Personally cannot stand this. There’s a woman in my local Costas who can’t say more than two words without; sweetheart, pet, darling, it’s so bloody annoying.

Has it occurred to you that our leadership is in tatters, people have been flooded, more have been killed in a typhoon? Perhaps put your mind to real worries in the world and not petty problems.

YADNBU.

If someone's calling everyone else 'sir' then they should be calling you 'madam'.

everyday sexism needs to do one.

perch has it occurred to you that the OP can't change the typhoon, or the idiotic leadership of the country, but should could prevent the everyday sexism perpetrated on the train and hence she has put her effort in exactly the right place?

speechless.....

@Aprillygirl Get.a.grip.

You are probably MRA.

april "Grow up" - this from someone who has 'girl' in her name....probably not the OP that needs to grow up really is it?

😂

Nice to see women calling each other uppity nightmare, is it 1880?

book how dare you speak? Get back in your pinnafore and clean behind that fridge!

I like being called love or darling in those circumstances, when it's clearly coming from the right place. It's a shame you humiliated a man trying to be friendly.

a sexist man who is only friendly to one person in the whole carriage...yep you definitely shouldn't put him off his stride.

Uppity nightmare!! HAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!

I'm going to leave it to others to think which of the two of us fits that description best!

I'm actually pretty happy that the majority on MN are going with YANBU. It gives me hope that the population is actually moving forward towards equality.

As for the people who have being called 'love' by a stranger down as the highlight of their day, and who will be bereft without it, sorry - maybe you need some real love in your lives....

Its worth bearing in mind there are still plenty of women who are pleased when they get whistled at and who somehow manage to find happiness in strangers announcing they'd do them and leering at them.

You will never convince them that women have the right to be addressed with a similar level of formality being dished out to the be-penised brigade.

@snapcrap

What would qualify as ‘coming from the wrong place?’