WIBU to call this out?

[harriethoyle]

On a disgustingly early train to a work thing. Suited and booted as is everyone in my compartment. Everyone in my vicinity is a man.

The chap on the trolley called me love the first time he served me and darling the second time. He has called all of the men around me Sir, both times.

So, the second time, I said "are you aware that you have called me love and darling on the two occasions we've spoken but you are calling all of the men Sir?" At which point he stuttered a bit and apologised.

WIBU in calling out what I felt was total sexism - he didn't call any of the men love! Or am I just a grumpy moo because I've been up for hours and have a long and difficult day ahead and the poor man was just trying to be friendly?!

@m3lon women aren’t called Pet where I am from. Sounds like something you’ll hear on emmerdale. But that’s what I mean I’m surprised the men got a sir, but I don’t think anything of it.. if I am called love I wouldn’t give it a second thought

@M3lon

43% is not far off half love. Maybe YOUR maths ain't so good sugar.

Which means that almost half of 1000 people DISAGREE with the OP, AND you!

Bet that pisses you off eh honey?

LOADS of people think that a man calling a woman LOVE is not a big deal! And that's because it ain't.

Anyone who gets upset by it needs to GET A GRIP!

@M3lon

God help you when you have to deal with a REAL problem, and ACTUAL SEXISM!

Enjoy these emojis sweetie.

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

@Bertieandernie but the men were called sir, can you genuinely not see the disparity in the terms? Can you honestly not see how it's treating the woman as a lesser person.

@Wtfdoipick honestly no I can’t

I discovered why 'duck' gets used around where I live recently...turned out to be from the viking invaders...and not anything to do with actual ducks.

Doesn't mean I'm going to look kindly on someone referring to me as 'ducky' any time soon...

Might sound trivial, but it is sexism. Mate and love/pet seem more equal than Sir and love/pet...
same thing happened to me on my first business class long haul flights with BA.. everyone around me was getting called Sir and the steward called me love/pet.. I didn’t feel great about it tbh ( but I was also too shy to say anything about it)

@Wtfdoipick “miss” or “madam” sound actually ridiculous coming from a stranger

let us know when you pass that smartphone zee, I'm liberal minded, but even I draw the limit at trying to strike up a dialogue with a bowel compression wave.

Ridiculous- get over it! Total first world problem.

@Bertieandernie

You're wasting your time here. Some people are just beyond help.

Utterly batshit actually.

@M3lon You OK hun?

“Miss or madam” to me sound like something from Victorian times

Okay, once again I can't RTFT because it isn't loading on my stupid app

BUT

I HATE pet names. And I'm from Newcastle. I've been a hin, hen, hun, dear, darlin, love, lovey, dearie, duck, cock, chick, doll, pet etc all my life and it honestly boils my piss. But the worst one. The worst one is flower.

I. Am. Not. A. Fucking. Flower. And when other people (men) are called by name or no pet name at all I do get v annoyed by it all. Consequently, any time someone now calls me a pet name in a professional setting, they get one back. Usually it's a say what you see.

"Get iz a cuppa flower"

"No, sorry I'm busy Calculator, perhaps try Bumblebee over there"

@Bertieandernie the terms aren't equal, one shows respect the other is friendly. Either treat everyone with respect or treat everyone in a friendly manner, do not differentiate on grounds of sex. I don't care what I'm called but I will not tolerate being treated differently

Please ignore my previous comment it makes no sense I have asked for it to be deleted

bert can you see the problem with students consistently referring to my male colleagues as Dr or prof, and to my female colleagues as 'miss'?

Can you see the follow on problem caused by this when they start asking why they don;t have a 'real lecturer' when their friends do, purely on the basis that they have a female professor and their friends have a male?

Can you see the follow on problem from the follow on problem, that its been demonstrated that students give worse evaluations for teachers they think are female than those they think are male? Bear in mind that our pay, promotions and performance management processes use this sexist student feedback....

Can you see the problem there?

lol bianca - yup 'flower' is also not cool.

@Wtfdoipick but what is wrong with being friendly. Why does it actually matter that someone you will likely never see again (and meant no harm) called you a friendly name.. why let it bother your day

I get what you mean and where your coming from but i can’t say it’s something that will bother me at all in the slightest

Bit depressing that the vote is so close.

I agree with those saying it's not the words per se, it's that the men got 'Sir' rather than e.g. 'mate' while you got 'love' and 'darling'.

@Bertieandernie

@Coffeeandcherrypie so Miss is degrading but Petal isn’t... okay love

Hmm someone didn’t like being called ‘petal’ and retaliated with love

Do you see that Bertie? You used love as an insult but yet you’ve got no issues with men calling women ‘love’ and men ‘sir’. Hypocrite.

bert for some people everyday sexism is no big deal. For some people its not getting a promotion or a job. For some people its getting sexually assaulted.

So some people are more sensitized to the impact of everyday sexism than others.

Its the same with racism. Most people don't notice the everyday effects of racism, because they aren't directly affecting them. But the people on the sharp end do, because it is.

@M3lon I work in a primary school where everyone is Mr or Miss/Mrs so it isn’t an issue there

I also understand the “real lecturer” comment is hurtful and uncalled for and you are as equal as the Male lecturers! However if you say to them you are professor m3lon do they just dismiss it totally?? Or is it a continuing situation where you have to remind them every lesson