Do you pay your parents money for childcare?

[NineteenThirtyOne]

Will be going back to work soon 3 days a week after mat leave. Parents have said they will be happy to mind DS but for £50 a week..

AIBU to think this isn't the norm?

[Applejack5]

I think £50 for three full days is very reasonable, that's a massive commitment on their part and it will cover their costs taking him out etc.

We use a nursery / school wrap-around clubs and otherwise have help from our parents for emergencies (i.e. ill DC on a working day) and 1-2 days' school pick ups each week and don't pay for that, but we offer fuel money (they don't take it) and it would be completely different if they were doing three full days each week. I think I'd try to make them take some money even if they didn't want to because nursery would be about £150 for three days, so still a massive saving and a huge favour they'd be doing.

I'd like to think that if I'm in a position to help with childcare if I have grandchildren someday then I will, but I really don't think I'd want to commit to three full days every week. It's exhausting looking after young children and I'll be a lot older by then!

[Dowser]

I wouldn’t charge.
However if I need d the money and childminding was preventing me looking for a job then I don’t think some financial help would be unreasonable...but no..any minding I’ve done has been out of lurve 😂

[Malyshek]

I think it does depend some on circumstances.

I don't expect my parents to provide any childcare at all because :

1. I live thousands of km away
   
2. I can afford paid childcare
   

But if I was struggling and they lived nearby, I'd think less of them for not helping. They don't "have to" obviously, but it'd be a nice thing to do then. But even so I'd understand it'd be temporary until I work something out. I wouldn't take it for granted. And if they asked for a token amount to be paid I would not begrudge it to them !

Op, unless you're struggling financially then I do think it's a very reasonable deal. I guess you're disappointed because when your parents mentioned it before, it soundes to you like they'd do it for free ?

Also, your MIL sounds nice but if she's struggling to get by I do think that paying her would be the decent thing to do.

[Malyshek]

Gotta add, I now know how hard looking after a baby can be and I wouldn't commit to 3 days a week for my grandkids. Ever. Unless my kids were really struggling financially (and even then I'd much rather contribute financially !) Spending time with grandkids is fun only when it's optional.

[Choice4567]

Apparently we’re never going to get an answer as to why £50 a week makes it not worth going back!

[Grenoble124]

My mil takes my son two afternoons a week. I pay her €50 per week. She doesn't want to take it but I insist. Helps us both out.

[jelly79]

My mum looks after my DS up to 2 days a week but sometimes 1 depending on my shift. I always make sure I take my holidays on the days she has him or move my shifts so I can have those days off and give her time back. She offered and I offered her money which she refused. I'll leave money all the time to cover costs when she does things with him but she doesn't take it. I treat her to show her I appreciate her.

Sometimes I think it would be easier if I paid her, a lot cheaper than more nursery but want to cover her costs at least. £50 a week would only cover activities across 3 days...

[megletthesecond]

No. But my mum doesn't even like me spending money on presents for her either.

The only family I know who did this paid the grandma because she'd taken early retirement to care for the children.

[ihatethebus]

I paid my Dad €50 per day for one child and then €70 per day when I had my second. He minded them at my house so I provided everything for the kids and him. YABVVU.

Their offer is very generous and a big commitment. They will save you a fortune in creche fees. You will pay a cheaper price and your baby us being minded by people who love them.

The "privileged to mind them card" is manipulative.

Also +1 to not putting your MIL under additional pressure by allowing her to do it unpaid.

[Skittlenommer]

Honestly, this is another reason I’m not having kids because I’ve seen so many miserable grandparents being lumbered with their grandchildren by entitled parents who expect free childcare!!

[AhNowTed]

You sound utterly entitled and ungrateful.

Your parents are sacrificing their retirement FGS.

Jesus. If you were my daughter I'd be retracting that offer.

[user764329056]

Am a grandparent who looks after grandchildren regularly and never expect payment but daughter won’t take no for an answer, so I am grateful for the money as I can’t work on the days I am with DGC

[AhNowTed]

3 days is a huge commitment and you begrudge a miserable £50.

I'd pay a LOT more.

[Dontstepinthecowpat]

I pay the going rate for a nanny in our area and employ my DM (NI, PAYE, pension) for 27 hours a week over 3 days. I also provide a kitty for any activities/lunches out, etc.

This means all childcare takes place in our home, DS in her priority and I can tell DM when I’m not happy about something such as food given or late naps. I see so many people moaning on MN about grandparents not doing things the way they want them done with regards to free childcare.

[strawberrypenguin]

I tried to but they won't accept it. They do 1 day a week for us. Instead I get them a nice box of choc/ wine/ flowers sometimes as a thank you.

[Chocolatepeanuts]

Yes around £300 a month. However my mum took early retirement from her parttime job to do it, and so I pay her what she would have brought home in that job. She also now has my DN so my sister pays her the same.

[HoobleDooble]

I suppose I'm lucky to have both sets of grandparents nearby all retired and virtually fighting each other over the school holidays (my DM has her diary out ready as soon as term dates are published). I mentioned this thread and they looked at me like I'd gone mad. I do try to keep things to a minimum for them though and arrange our shifts so my DPs only do 2 mornings every other week and MiL does an alternate morning or afternoon 1 day a week because they're all in their 70s. I've tried in the past to take them out for meals etc to say thank you, but I always get home and find money has been put in my coat pocket or left in my car to pay their way.

[piglet81]

No - we pay for nursery. Grandparents are not an option (one set are local-ish but still work, the others are retired but 250 miles away and already committed to looking after other grandchildren). We do get the occasional evening/night of free babysitting, which is lovely.

Honestly, I would hate to be in the position of relying on family for childcare - I really don't like feeling beholden to anyone and I know I'd be in a permanent state of guilt and twitchiness over it, whether we were paying or not. I certainly wouldn't want to look after anyone else's children for free (other than the occasional evening) so why should anyone look after mine for free?

[Isittheend]

I didn't pay my DP or MIL but it wouldn't have been accepted. I did pay petrol money etc and in the nappy days always ensured they were well stocked up on anything like that. Snacks etc.
I was very lucky that they all were really keen to help and my DC are very close to all their GPs.

[Anothertempusername]

There is no way you earn £50 for 3 days work. Unless you earn £2.38 per hour.

[FifteenYemenRoadYemen]

Oh good, another entitled cheeky fucker..

Where do you people get this deluded and entitled, I would love to know.

Privilege to spend time with their grandchildren? Because surely they cannot spend time with them unless they offer free childcare, can they?

If your parents asked for money, you are getting more than a good deal so instead of assuming they don't need it, pay it or go do the decent thing and actually not ask family members to dedicate their time to your children on a routine.

As for you being okay to take advantage of your mother in law who is struggling, just disgusting.

[SnowsInWater]

If your partner's mum is telling you that you "shouldn't entertain paying your parents" maybe she will do it all for free. It sounds like you are stirring up some serious family shit tbh for the sake of fifty quid a week, bitching about your parents to your DH's parents and feeling nicely satisfied that you are being hard done by. Be careful it doesn't end up biting you on the bum!

[Ginger1982]

3 full days a week is a lot of time for them to be looking after your child. I'm a SAHM and also considerably younger I would imagine and it's exhausting!

£50 a week is peanuts in comparison to other forms of childcare. I doubt either my mum or MIL would take money from me in this situation but I would certainly offer something, even just to cover travel expenses.

[CaptainJaneway62]

I was in a very poor financial situation when DD asked me to look after DGC(due to ill health). Not only did she think that it would be good for me(it actually made me a lot worse). She said she would pay me £10 a day(I was picking her up and driving her to work looking after DGC all day then driving them both home. The money was supposed to be for fuel.
The first month she gave me half what was agreed and then told me she would not be paying any more as I should not be asking for money to look after DGC.
I needed the money for petrol to chauffeur her to work!!FFS
Anyway to cut a long and very complicated story short I could no longer do it as it impacted on my physical health so badly. But the mental strain of being put in an even worse financial situation was even worse along with having to put up with verbal abuse.
I did not receive nor expect to receive help for child care when I was a single parent and had to pay for all child care, babysitting etc. They were my children and my responsibility.
Expecting free childcare shows a lack of immaturity and entitlement IMO

[jessicawessica]

OMG there seem to be so many people who feel it's ok for them to piss off back to work and just expect their parents to step in and "help out" with looking after their DCs.
What is this entitled generation ?