Do you pay your parents money for childcare?
NineteenThirtyOne · 11/08/2019 21:14
Will be going back to work soon 3 days a week after mat leave. Parents have said they will be happy to mind DS but for £50 a week..
AIBU to think this isn't the norm?
Rock4please · 14/08/2019 05:18
Looking after young children is exhausting even when you are young, so I think YABU to expect your parents to sacrifice their retirement to look after your DC at all. It is not a privilege and I can't believe how ungrateful and entitled you are. Why not pay for professional child care and spend weekends etc with grandparents rather than regarding them as unpaid skivvies who should be grateful for the opportunity to look after your child. Their child rearing days are done and it is horrible and insensitive of you to take advantage in this way, let alone bitching to your in laws.
Aprillygirl · 14/08/2019 05:42
Let your MIL look after your kid if she's so keen then OP. I have a funny feeling that she will soon get fed up of playing the role of best grandma after a couple of months and start wanting payment for the 'privilege' of your kids company though.
Blondeshavemorefun · 14/08/2019 06:52
Is op going to come back and say what job she has that pays so little @NineteenThirtyOne
HotChocolateLover · 14/08/2019 06:56
I never needed to ask my mum but my brother pays her £50 per day for a 3 year old boy and 1 year old girl. That’s 2.5 days a week. My brother also pays parking, entry fees and lunches out if required. If they were in nursery it would be £1600 per month so a bargain I reckon.
saraclara · 14/08/2019 07:42
it's a privilege they can spend time with their grandchild.
There's a massive expectation put on grandparents to provide childcare these days. My friends who are doing so are all knackered, and trying hard not to be resentful. But they feel pressured to do so because their kids need the help and its what their kids see their own friends parents doing for them.
But all spontaneity has gone from my friends' retirements. They can't book holidays for themselves because that causes problems, and though they love their grandkids, it's a slog, not a privilege.
In at least one case, the friends felt they had to do a couple of days a week because the other grandparents were. None wants to be seen as unsupportive in comparison.
Do their kids realise just how tired their parents are, and just how much they're putting themselves out? Not really. And my friends are hardly going to tell them.
My first grandchild is due soon. My daughters know the reason I took retirement recently was so that I could travel spontaneously and full my retirement with me experiences. So they don't expect me to provide regular childcare at all. But already I'm feeling guilty. Societal expectations have changed so much.
theruffles · 14/08/2019 09:00
My MiL has my DD usually for two days a week, at what I consider to be quite long days from 8:30am-5:30pm. We don't pay her but I don't think she would accept it if we did try and insist. We provide all food, nappies, etc but I do feel guilty about it. She says it isn't a problem but she is retired and, as much as I know she adores her DGC, it must be tiring. We can't afford nursery or childcare so have tried to move our hours around as much as possible at work to make sure MiL is not doing too much childcare (compressed hours and DH has gone p/t) but some weeks it is unavoidable.
myself2020 · 14/08/2019 09:33
@saraclara don’t feel guilty! neither my parents nor my parents in law provide us with childcare (any! not evenings, not weekends, not overnights, ...). And that is fine! they are retired, they should enjoy their retirement and travel. i would feel extremely guilty if they would be constricted by having to look after our kids. we have 2 kids, which is exactly what we can afford. we wouldn’t have had the second if we couldn’t afford childcare!
March20 · 11/04/2020 10:59
I would definitely pay. Firstly 3 days a week is a lot. In summer I’m sure your mother would take your child out to the park for ice creams Ect it all adds up and to be honest as the child gets older £50 a week won’t cut it. Just because somebody is your family member I think it’s best to pay your way as they could be general family arguments and at least they cannot turn and say they are doing it for free. I agree some others £50 a week is NOTHING. I pay for my child to go to play scheme £40 a day and I’d much rather due to he’s kept busy (no meals included). Some people may not pay their parents that’s not really your concern (everyone’s family dynamics differ).
MTGGamer · 11/04/2020 11:35
Mine have my DS every Friday when my husband is working (he's currently on LTS). They don't ask for any money, because I only work Fridays because they want us to save on childcare costs (neither of them work it anyway, and my work would much rather have me work a Thursday)
However, they live an hour/50 miles away, so we alternate - one week they drive up to us for the day, and one week we drop him down to them the day before so he sleeps over and has Friday at theirs, coming up in the evening.
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