Do you pay your parents money for childcare?

[NineteenThirtyOne]

Will be going back to work soon 3 days a week after mat leave. Parents have said they will be happy to mind DS but for £50 a week..

AIBU to think this isn't the norm?

[adaline]

I look after my niece during the school holidays occasionally - maybe once a fortnight or so to help her mum who's a single parent and works full-time.

I would never ask for money at all as it's not a regular thing and even if she offered I would never accept it. But looking after someone else's child on a regular basis is not a privilege - it's a chore. It means you can't meet up with your friends, you can't stay in bed if you're tired or ill - your life is on hold for those days because you have a young child to supervise.

Doing someone else's childcare is not a privilege! I love my niece but I wouldn't ever commit to having her regularly - it's fun because it's an occasional thing. Anymore than that and it becomes exhausting and tedious.

[bouncingraindrops]

I'd be better off not going to work

Don't go then.

[AmIRightOrAMeringue]

Also if it was the norm to have grandparents queuing up for the privilege of looking after their grandkids for free, do you think there would be so many over subscribed nurseries absolutely everywhere? The majority of people pay a fortune for childcare

[blackcat86]

If they're going to charge I'd probably just use a nursery. We have 'free' childcare where I provide everything and it's free activities for DD like going to the garden centre. I went back PT thinking it would be a great compromise but I'm actually applying for higher paid FT jobs now so its worthwhile using a nursery. The free childcare actually sees me driving an extra hour a day, having to constantly micro manage, and deal with feuding sets of gps. You'll also find your LO lacks socialisation with peers something neither set of gps will do even if i set it up. I'll be scaling it back pronto and wouldn't do it again.

[Roottopoint]

My mum usually has my son 4 nights per week and I pay her 100 a week which I really don't mind gets me back in the game
I also used to send him to a night nursery in Catford but the stopped doing nights

[ZaZathecat]

I paid my DM. She was struggling for money so it worked for all of us.

[bouncingraindrops]

You seem really put out by this. Acting surprised that people pay won't hide your greed though. If you thought your mum was going to have him you should have been thinking about what you would pay her anyway 🤷‍♀️

[HollyGoLoudly1]

Does nobody think ‘hang on, that’s an absolutely brilliant deal I’ve got here!’?

I do think that. I don't think it's a privilege, I think it's a bloody huge favour. I don't think a spa break or hotel deal 'makes up' for it, but thankfully my parents don't want me to 'make it up' to them. They want to help me, their daughter, and it just so happens the thing I need help with is childcare twice a week. I buy them presents to show that I'm grateful and I appreciate the huge bloody favour they are doing for me.

So I don't get flamed - I didn't ask, they offered before DS was even born and they have more money than I'll ever have even though I'm working and they're retired. The idea of me paying them is actually kind of ridiculous if you knew our financial situations.

[MoreFrog]

Whatever works for you and your job of less than £17 after tax a day...
What puzzles me, is that op didn't ask, her mother offered. So if it's not worth working if she has to pay £50 - what was her original plan before her mother offered? Finding it free somewhere else?

[BackOnceAgainWithABurnerEmail]

I did (£300 a month) but yours are charging the going rate for a childminder without the training or experience. I’d expect mates rates off my folks 😂

[BackOnceAgainWithABurnerEmail]

Mis-read!! Thought it was £50/day! Sorry. Prosecco reading!

That’s reasonable. Sorry!

[RedTrunk]

I have for 11 years. Worked 2-4 days per week paid between £250 to £400 a month for after school care. If I dictated the days and times I paid. When I wasn’t working I didn’t pay but DGP still continued 2 days a week as they enjoyed it. We never had a conversation I just put a cash amount in an envelope for them depending on what job I had.

[itbemay1]

If I had my grandchildren and had offered I wouldn't charge anything, however I would offer to pay if it were my dcs

[tictoc76]

I pay my mum, quite a lot more than £50 for 3 days. It’s not a regular thing though and my regular childcare is a lot more expensive! I don’t think there is anything wrong with your parents asking - £50 might just about cover their costs - it won’t be paying a wage.

[AiryFairyMum]

You earn less than £20 a day?

[namechangetheworld]

Sorry you're getting such a hard time on this thread OP. I don't think you're being unreasonable, although I'm clearly in the minority.

My DM used to look after my DD(3) two full days a week when I worked part time. She used to give her breakfast and lunch and often took her out on day trips to local farms and parks. Had I offered money, she never would have accepted it in a million years. Most of my friends have grandparents providing childcare - all of them for free. I hope I'm in a fortunate enough position to do the same for my children when they're grown.

I also find it odd when parents charge their children 'rent' after they leave uni, but I that's a whole other topic.

[BackOnceAgainWithABurnerEmail]

I’ve clearly been less than happy sidlful so far (!!) but i’d add that people are retiring later than two parents working is more common so you can’t compare with what your folks got from your grandparents esp. as tax credits, free hours etc etc may not have existed then.

[MoreFrog]

The thing is, they made a massive fuss about wanting to look after him when I was pregnant

Maybe they didn't envisage it being for 3 days a week come rain or shine.

[MummytoCSJH]

What on earth would you have done if they didnt offer?! If you earn less than £50 a week and had to pay actual childcare rates, you're right, you'd be better off not bothering! Pay the money and don't be so ridiculous and entitled.

[twolobsters]

Yes! I wouldn't feel comfortable with it otherwise. My DM does a day and she is paid.

£50 a week is a bargain, compare that to nursery!!

[KimchiLaLa]

No. In my culture my parents just wouldn't accept it. I pay for more things than before to thank them. They wouldn't take the money outright.

[Charmatt]

I paid my mum to look after my children. She fed them, looked after them how I wanted her to and took them out to different places - it was supposed to make sure she wasn't out of pocket.
Considering how much she spent on them, what I paid her didn't cover her costs but it made the difference in the quality of their experience. She bought clothes and toys for them to have at her house, etc.

[IHopeYouUnderstandWeArePuppets]

Before my DH lost his job, I paid DM £70 for two days a week looking after my two DCs. She said not to pay her but I just transferred it into her account as I felt I was paying for her time and the fact that the arrangement curtailed her freedom. Looking after DGC while parents work is a huge commitment - no impromptu trips away or long weekends if childcare is done on a Monday or Friday, no dropping everything to go shopping or meet up with friends - it’s such a big tie. My mum still worked part time so it essentially added to her working week when she couldn’t just please herself. She loves the DC but some people get the privilege of ad hoc babysitting and meeting up on mum’s day off without the commitment and pressure of being a carer. I have to admit that I always think that people who think GPs should look after their DCs for free must have really docile and sedentary children.

[Oldbutstillgotit]

I have never asked for or been offered payment for looking after DGS however I don’t really need the money whereas your DM may need some extra cash . What was the plan had she not offered ? Would she or your MIL provide the best care ? Puzzled as to why paying £50 per week makes it not worthwhile working ?!