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AIBU?

Do you pay your parents money for childcare?

260 replies

NineteenThirtyOne · 11/08/2019 21:14

Will be going back to work soon 3 days a week after mat leave. Parents have said they will be happy to mind DS but for £50 a week..

AIBU to think this isn't the norm? Confused

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Nottodayx · 11/08/2019 21:43

Have you had a conversation with your parents regarding these costs?

Maybe they have lots of educational things planned for DC whilst they care for them like they would experience at nursery etc and think the £50 would cover this?

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Wheelerdeeler · 11/08/2019 21:43

If your parents hadn't offered what was your plan?

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arethereanyleftatall · 11/08/2019 21:44

If my parents looked after my dc and didnt expect money/ask for it/were offended if offered etc, then what I would do is put an amount in to a pot every week. I'd use it to buy them a holiday/big treat meal/whatever every so often.

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Jojoanna · 11/08/2019 21:44

I would charge

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Choice4567 · 11/08/2019 21:45

What do you mean paying grandparents is a ‘thing’? Grandparents don’t have to provide childcare, it’s not some rule when a baby is born. Some grandparents are able to offer childcare. Some aren’t as they are still at work themselves, like mine. Some people give their parents some money for that childcare. Some don’t

On the odd occasion my mum does provide childcare I offer money because
It’s a 3 hour round trip between our houses
She takes a day off work to do it
She takes my daughter out to groups and for lunch

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NineteenThirtyOne · 11/08/2019 21:46

The thing is, they made a massive fuss about wanting to look after him when I was pregnant

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AssignedNorthern · 11/08/2019 21:46

I don't pay my parents offered and never expect a penny. I pay for all food nappies and activities though

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Muffin3 · 11/08/2019 21:47

Your acting a little ungrateful, imagine if you had to pay £50 (at least) a day for childcare! Even if you are providing all the food, nappies etc I imagine that money will go towards going out, activities and petrol with your ds

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user1471439310 · 11/08/2019 21:47

I paid $144.00 a week in 1995 for 3 days a week for my daughter. That is a steal, grandparents might need or want some money for retirement.

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SospanFrangipan · 11/08/2019 21:47

We don't pay my parents, and they wouldn't take anything if I offered, they won't even let me buy supplies for DS while he's there. We do however buy Mum flowers every few weeks, wine and spirits for them both, and take Mum out for lunch at least once a month. We are so grateful to them for helping us out, and know that we are very lucky to be in the position we are when it comes to childcare.

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Choice4567 · 11/08/2019 21:48

Also please tell us how you’d be better off not working at that price! What were you expecting nursery to cost?

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Pikapikachooo · 11/08/2019 21:50

Bargain
Covers food , activities and petrol

Yabu to be annoyed

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MulberryPeony · 11/08/2019 21:51

Yes I did with my DM for a set number of days per week but we didn’t often use her for ad hoc stuff because of that. Also the pension credits stuff as she was under pension age. PIL were further away so not an option anyway.

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tashakg89 · 11/08/2019 21:51

I do find it strange, really surprised grandparents charge their kids to look after their grandchildren! My mum does my childcare and wouldn't dream of accepting money even if I Offered it!
However I'd still accept if I was you as it's still way cheaper than normal childcare.

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NineteenThirtyOne · 11/08/2019 21:52

Not saying I'm annoyed, I just didn't know of anybody who paid their parents for looking after their DC.

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Becles · 11/08/2019 21:52

@NineteenThirtyOne

Partners mum doesn't work and is always struggling to get by, yet here she is offering it to do it for nothing and telling me I shouldn't entertain the thought of paying my parents

Your partner's mum is struggling financially and you haven't clocked that by providing you with childcare she won't be able to earn. Confused Which means you haven't even processed that you possibly need to ignore her noble gesture and ensure cash is regularly paid into her account or a decent weekly shop in return? Hmm

Words fail me

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Pumperthepumper · 11/08/2019 21:52

Three full days of childcare per week where we are would be easily £200. I guess you’ve got two choices - pay your mum the bargain price she’s suggested or pay three/four times that to someone else.

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likeafishneedsabike · 11/08/2019 21:53

Slightly against the grain, but I do think it depends on the quality of childcare they will be providing. If all they’re going to do is stay at home with the telly on and ‘watch’ the DC, then I would accept it as a favour but not expect to pay. If they are taking it seriously and the days will be child centred, then it’s fine to expect payment to cover expenses like entrance to kids farms and craft kits and whatever else.
They can’t have it both ways (payment and low standard of child care) and neither can you (no payment but high standard of childcare).
How good a job do you think they will do, knowing them as you do? DM is not big on toddlers, so I got an afternoon a week of free childcare but DS didn’t get much out of it. It was still a favour!

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Choice4567 · 11/08/2019 21:54

Ahh answer the question!! How would you be worse off?!

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DonnaDarko · 11/08/2019 21:54

You know they don't need to offer ....

I would rather pay £50 a week than the £51.50 per day I currently pay, but we're in the position of not having any parents left.

Ask your MIL if she'll do the childcare then. I'll be really surprised if she doesn't change her tune.

£50 is nothing, you're being absolutely ridiculous and sounding more entitled with every post.

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arethereanyleftatall · 11/08/2019 21:54

When I asked my mum to do it for dd1 for two days a week when I went back to work, she didn't want any money. But, I insisted. I insisted because I wanted her to be as committed as if it were a normal job. I didn't want her phoning on a Monday saying she couldn't do that Wednesday because Joan was coming for tea; which I feel she would be entitled to do if I wasn't paying.

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SockQueen · 11/08/2019 21:54

My parents live too far away to do regular childcare but even if this weren't the case we would insist on at least paying expenses if not something more for their time. It's a big commitment and bloody hard work no matter how much they love their grandchildren. Limits either what paid work they can do, or if retired it'll affect what other social/community activities they can take part in, have to plan holidays or other trips around your work plans etc...

I'm knackered if I do 3 full days solo with my toddler and baby, I'm sure it would be even worse for someone 30+ years older!

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HappyParent2000 · 11/08/2019 21:55

No but we often cook for them after taking him all day.

Money means nothing but you can show your thanks with a meal.

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cheeseandbiscuitss · 11/08/2019 21:56

£50 a week. I suggest you check out local nurseries and see what they charge.
That will barely cover the cost of days out, food, wipes, nappies etc.

3 days a week! YABU. Extremely.

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NineteenThirtyOne · 11/08/2019 21:57

Partners mum hasn't worked for years. It's not like she wants to work and can't because she wants to look after my DS Confused

Jesus, I didn't expect to get flamed. As I said, I don't know anybody who pays their parents, they think it's a privilege they can spend time with their grandchild.

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