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AIBU?

Do you pay your parents money for childcare?

260 replies

NineteenThirtyOne · 11/08/2019 21:14

Will be going back to work soon 3 days a week after mat leave. Parents have said they will be happy to mind DS but for £50 a week..

AIBU to think this isn't the norm? Confused

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arethereanyleftatall · 11/08/2019 21:34

Rather than think about what your friends do/what a bunch of strangers do, think about what's right.
They are giving up their precious free time to do what's essentially a job, and they have to commit to it. I'm sure most grandparents cover the odd night out/weekend away without thinking about money, but this is half a week, every single week. It's a lot.

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JustMarriedBecca · 11/08/2019 21:34

My parents live a way away so drive over. We pay their petrol which is £25 a week, they stay over one night a week so we feed them and we have a jar of cash on the side for odd bits, trips out etc. We take them on holiday once a year and send them somewhere nice alone every so often. We are insanely grateful. They really focus on the kids - Mum was a teacher so is brilliant at engaging and making stuff fun. I cook dinner in advance and make sure they aren't doing housework when they are here (although my Dad will cut the grass if the kids are in the garden).

It's not about the money for me and I'd pay even more than nursery if they asked. It's so much easier having my parents here and it relieves the guilt of work for me.

£50 is a bargain.

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AmIRightOrAMeringue · 11/08/2019 21:34

That's £17 a day OP.

Are you sure you wouldn't be better off going to work?

It's an offer. If you don't think it's fair either negotiate or dont accept it or ask your PiL to do a day or so

My parents help out (holidays, sickness etc) but I would never have accepted regular childcare, I think it's such a big commitment.

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NineteenThirtyOne · 11/08/2019 21:34

The difference between my parents and my partners mum is huge. Partners mum doesn't work and is always struggling to get by, yet here she is offering it to do it for nothing and telling me I shouldn't entertain the thought of paying my parents..

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Amanduh · 11/08/2019 21:35

Also if you are better off staying at home for £50 wtf are you working three days for?! Makes no sense. You earn less than £50 in those three days then? So about two hours a day? Why bother? Confused

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Merryoldgoat · 11/08/2019 21:35

How on earth would you not be better off? If you don’t make more than £50 a week for three days’ work something is badly amiss. Or are you paying nursery rates on other days?

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NineteenThirtyOne · 11/08/2019 21:35

I honestly didn't know paying grandparents for childcare was a thing until I started this thread.

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LadyRannaldini · 11/08/2019 21:36

We have a grandchild to stay for a part of the Summer holidays and easter. I wouldn't expect my daughter to pay us, yes we spend money on activities, and clothes, but this gives her the chance to earn a decent aount of money to top up when she works part-time for the rest of the year and we are lucky enough not to need her to pay us. In addition, we love having her and she benefits from the amount of attention she is able to have as we are retired.

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Rainbowqueeen · 11/08/2019 21:37

Most people I know don’t pay cash but do give their parents generous gifts eg weekends away, restaurant vouchers. They also supply all nappies and cover all costs.
They probably spend the equivalent of what your parents are asking for on these gifts. And they would be happy to pay cash just their parents won’t accept it.

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HollyGoLoudly1 · 11/08/2019 21:38

Ooh it's an awkward one. Nothing like money to cause a family fall out IMO. My parents watch our DS and don't take any money but they are significantly better off than we are and would honestly be offended if we offered them money.

My best friend on the other hand pays her mum £200 a month for 3 days childcare. Her mum doesn't have a lot of money and they agreed that amount to cover food, petrol etc. so that her mum could afford to do it.

I don't think there's a right or wrong, as long as everyone is happy with what's going on. Your MIL offering to take her for free will cause a lot of friction I fear!

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Treesinaforest · 11/08/2019 21:38

When my parents minded my kids, I paid them the going hourly rate. I wanted them to see it as a job they could resign from if it got too much for them.

My sister does it now, I pay her the same.

My view is, they mind my kids so I can earn money, therefore they deserve some of that money.

They all offered to do it for free.

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mrscatmad31 · 11/08/2019 21:38

I work 24 hours a week, my pil have my daughter for most of that, they offered, they feed her, take her out and then feed us when we pick her up, we don't give them any money (they don't want it) they have done the same for all their children, very fortunate especially as i don't have any parents anymore

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hannah162 · 11/08/2019 21:38

My mum has my little boy for 2 full days each week. She provides everything while he is there and doesn’t want any money. I’ve offered many times and she is completely offended and has asked me to stop asking her. Very lucky - I know he’s well looked after and it’s a huge help financially too.

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arethereanyleftatall · 11/08/2019 21:39

If your mil is struggling for money, it would be AWFUL of you to get her to do any childcare for you for free. Regardless of what she offers.

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Disfordarkchocolate · 11/08/2019 21:39

Mine never asked for money but they had retired and didn't need it either.

It really all depends and their finances and how much they are going to do ie days out.

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Coffeeandcherrypie · 11/08/2019 21:39

she is offering it to do it for nothing and telling me I shouldn't entertain the thought of paying my parents..

Who is she to say you shouldn’t entertain the thought? Confused She’s not providing the childcare.

You’re hiding behind your MIL, OP, it’s clear you want free childcare. You sound extremely entitled. You’re not doing your parents a favour by providing everything, that’s the bare minimum you should be doing.

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Mrstwiddle · 11/08/2019 21:39

Are they hard up? My parents would never have asked for money, and equally I wouldn’t if I had grandchildren, just seems very odd, but maybe they’re low income and so want to be able to take the children places etc?

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NineteenThirtyOne · 11/08/2019 21:39

@arethereanyleftatall She would never ever take it, despite offering.

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NineteenThirtyOne · 11/08/2019 21:40

@Mrstwiddle No, they aren't

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Nottodayx · 11/08/2019 21:40

I didn’t pay my parents, they wouldn’t accept it but I did offer.

I do try to treat my mum now and again to show i appreciate her.

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NineteenThirtyOne · 11/08/2019 21:41

@Coffeeandcherrypie I never said I wanted free childcare, but I think it's hypocritical of my mother to ask me for money when she never paid my grandparents a penny and they had me and my brother FIVE days a week. They did it out of love for us, not because they wanted money.

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Jimdandy · 11/08/2019 21:41

Depending on your circumstances if you can get 70% paid by tax credits (nursery here is £50 a day) so childcare would be £15 a day, so £50 wouldn’t be so bad for one on one car etc.

I personally would never take money of my own kids for looking after grandkids. I think it’s just part of the cycle of helping your kids out

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AmIRightOrAMeringue · 11/08/2019 21:42

I also think it's difficult to say for certain what you would do when you're a grandparent.

It's almost half the week to give up, every week, whether you're knackered, ill, fancy a last minute break, have had a last minute invitation, whether the grandchild is going through a hitting / biting / tantrum phase. When you've already done it all with your own kids.

It's different if you've begged for help as you cant cope and you've turned it down. But they offered. Just say no if you think they arent doing you a favour. Round here nursery is 50 quid a day (plus nappies and milk) so you're paying for a day and getting two for free. If you think that's a shit offer then most would disagree but dont take it or take a counter offer. Whatever works for you and your job of less than £17 after tax a day...

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Waxonwaxoff0 · 11/08/2019 21:42

My DM works full time but she takes a week off in the summer holidays to help me out with childcare, she would never ask me for money to do it (although if she did I would give her some).

Other family members help me out too and none of them ask for money, I provide a packed lunch and snacks for DS and if they take him anywhere that costs money I reimburse them.

In my family we all help each other out, we would never expect money for it.

Although I wouldn't ask any of them to do regular childcare every week as it's a lot of time to give up. I just do it in the school holidays and DS does a mixture of holiday club too.

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BooseysMom · 11/08/2019 21:43

Childcare..what childcare?!! Confused

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