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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be jealous ? He said he's going out on the prowl?

156 replies

rachyrachy · 11/08/2019 18:59

I started to see a guy a couple of months ago he is a friend of a friend.
He just got out of serious relationship and I told myself I was happy with casual.
I've developed feelings for him and I thought he had for me (he texts daily all the time )and in person seemed really into me and caring.
He's made it clear he isn't in the right head space for serious and labels and if I try and ask him he backs away.
He text me today telling me Friday night he is going out with his friend who has just been dumped and he's friend is in the prowl.
I didn't want to ask if he was so I sent a jokey reply saying
"Ha ha enjoy prowling,if you can't be good,be careful)
He replied "careful is my middle name)
That hurt,I was looking for some sort of reassurance and he offered none.
Tbh I think I'm done now because I want someone that I'm enough for.
Aibu here to be hurt?
He's played mind games with me for months now and it hurts.

OP posts:
QualCheckBot · 11/08/2019 19:01

That's such sleazy behaviour that I'd question what on earth you get being around it. It would get me down.

Thehop · 11/08/2019 19:01

Yuck, walk away with your head held high. Don’t ever put your feelings in with someone who sees you as second best.

Ellabella989 · 11/08/2019 19:02

Sounds like you aren’t on the same page with what you both want and that always leads to someone getting hurt. I would cut my losses!
Maybe just back away for a week or two and see if he shows much interest or if he also backs away

Isleepinahedgefund · 11/08/2019 19:02

He’s told you outright that he doesn’t want to have anything serious with you. Don’t wait for him to change his mind, because he won’t. Just walk away.

Merryoldgoat · 11/08/2019 19:03

He's played mind games with me for months now and it hurts

Get out now. No one nice plays games like that.

PositiveVibez · 11/08/2019 19:04

Oh god. Dump immediately.

He sounds like an absolute twonk.

Sleazy use of language and like they are going to hunt for prey.

Bluntness100 · 11/08/2019 19:04

Op, he's made it clear he doesn't wish a relationship with uou. Hanging on in there hoping he will change his mind is only going to get you hurt.

cheesydoesit · 11/08/2019 19:04

Ditch.

AutumnCrow · 11/08/2019 19:05

I'm terribly ancient, so forgive me for my turn of phrase and thinking, but you messaged him 'Ha ha enjoy prowling ...'?

For goodness sake, work on your self esteem, stop looking to this twat for reassurances, and find a decent bloke.

I rather imagine you're lovely, attractive and full of good qualities. Please don't waste them on Prowler Boy.

CodenameVillanelle · 11/08/2019 19:05

He's communicating in no uncertain terms that he doesn't want to have an exclusive relationship with you. If you do want a relationship then time to end this thing for your own dignity and self respect.

PatriciaHolm · 11/08/2019 19:06

He told you explicitly he doesn't want serious. He backs away if you ask.

You want more, he doesn't. What's the point?

Dieu · 11/08/2019 19:06

But he didn't actually say he was going to be on the prowl Hmm
The 'careful is my middle name' thing is just a jokey comment, nothing more and nothing less.

SinglePringle · 11/08/2019 19:08

Neither of you are wrong. But I get that it hurts.

He’s made it clear he’s not available for a full on relationship; by your own account he rejects labelling your relationship and backs away from ‘what are we’ conversations.

He clearly enjoys spending time with you but he’s keeping his options open. He’s not lied and he’s clear he’s not ready to be your ‘One’.

It’s up to you to decide how you proceed. If it hurts, tell him and see his reaction. If he wants to be exclusive, happy days! If he doesn’t, you’ll need to either accept being hurt or walk away to preserve your self respect / esteem.

When someone tells you who they are, believe them.

Fraggling · 11/08/2019 19:09

I don't understand why you sent him the message you did.

To him that is a blunt statement that you are more than OK with him pulling.

What did you expect him to say? His reply was short and jokey. In return to you saying haha good luck hope you pull...

?

cheesydoesit · 11/08/2019 19:09

Also, if you were to hang about on the sidelines an accept this behaviour from him, it will only make him think less of you and in turn you will come to believe this is all you are worth. He wont suddenly have an epiphany and tell you that you are the exception to the rule and he has been blind to true love all this time. It's not a movie.

Original poster
rachyrachy · 11/08/2019 19:09

@Dieu he didn't he said his friend
But when I said to him "enjoy the prowling"
He didn't say I'm not
Maybe incase I got into the whole
What are we convo

OP posts:
FishyMcFishyfingersFace · 11/08/2019 19:09

When I read the title I was really hoping it was a lighthearted thread about cats, but had this feeling it would be an LTB thread.

I reckon you need to find someone more suited to your needs OP.

SinglePringle · 11/08/2019 19:10

(Oh and meant to add... do not do the Pick Me Dance as YOU CANNOT CHANGE HIM)

LemonAddict · 11/08/2019 19:12

Grim.

The phrase “out on the prowl” makes me picture two sleazy creeps with a vial of Rohypnol.

Dump him, he’s a twat.

JonSlow · 11/08/2019 19:12

Don’t react to it. Leave him to it.

TriciaH87 · 11/08/2019 19:13

I suggest you get together with the girls and go out Friday night. Not to the same place but just go out have fun and be sure to be tagged in photos having a good time. You never know you could meet someone new

Jupiters · 11/08/2019 19:14

But he didn't actually say he was going to be on the prowl hmm
The 'careful is my middle name' thing is just a jokey comment, nothing more and nothing less.
This. It kinda seems like you set him up to fail there which isn't fair.
That being said you clearly seen to be after two different things, which invariably leads to someone getting hurt (likely to be you in this case). Casual isn't what you want any more so it's time to end it and move on.

NoBaggyPants · 11/08/2019 19:15

He doesn't see you as a couple. I wouldn't "dump him" because, as far as he's concerned, you're not in a relationship. Just cut contact and put him out of your mind.

Purplerain16 · 11/08/2019 19:16

Sounds like he's been open about no labels, causal dating but you've not been honest with him.

Clearly you want a relationship and he doesnt. Just find someone better suited to you & who wants the same thing as you

HollowTalk · 11/08/2019 19:17

This isn't the man for you, OP. He's horrible. Don't wait for him to cheat, just end it now and block him, too.

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