To be jealous ? He said he's going out on the prowl?

[rachyrachy]

I started to see a guy a couple of months ago he is a friend of a friend.
He just got out of serious relationship and I told myself I was happy with casual.
I've developed feelings for him and I thought he had for me (he texts daily all the time )and in person seemed really into me and caring.
He's made it clear he isn't in the right head space for serious and labels and if I try and ask him he backs away.
He text me today telling me Friday night he is going out with his friend who has just been dumped and he's friend is in the prowl.
I didn't want to ask if he was so I sent a jokey reply saying
"Ha ha enjoy prowling,if you can't be good,be careful)
He replied "careful is my middle name)
That hurt,I was looking for some sort of reassurance and he offered none.
Tbh I think I'm done now because I want someone that I'm enough for.
Aibu here to be hurt?
He's played mind games with me for months now and it hurts.

I know it feels horrible OP but

He's made it clear he isn't in the right head space for serious and labels and if I try and ask him he backs away.

He's been honest with you and he isn't reassuring you because doing so would be lying to do - he can't reassure you he wouldn't see anyone else because he's been honest he doesn't want a relationship.

Sorry OP I know we've all been there and thought they'll change their mind but at least he has told you where his head is at - it's up to you to take on board what he's saying.

The 'prowling' comment is irrelevant (it was actually you who told him to enjoy prowling, he couldn't read your mind that you were only pretending to be light-hearted and joking).
Don't try and play a player- telling him you will date other people etc. Only you will get hurt as only your feelings are invested here.
This man is happy to reap the rewards of a relationship: attention, communication when it suits and sex, whilst being free to see other people and have no commitments. You know this and you can't change this so you need to stop trying to reason with him, stop trying to deliver ultimatums and completely disengage.

Just seen on Facebook he is out tonight with that friend too.
This is deffo not what I'm after...I feel so insecure and un worthy of him.
I knew he wasn't over his ex but stupidly thought I might make him get over her.

Your not unworthy of him at all, hes just using you for sex when he wants. Just wise up and move on. Go out with friends/and join some groups and things, you'll easily meet some one else, hopefully who will want the same as you.

Also frequent texts mean nothing at all. Just block him,no explanations are needed.

It's not being over his ex he doesn't want a relationship and couldn't have been clearer. You sound very naive for your age, do you think he'd change his mind?
You changed the goal posts, he hasn't played games with you, on the contrary he's been much more honest than many blokes would be.
Move on, keep your dignity and find a man who does want a relationship from the off.

*He is hurting you, so stop letting him.

OP is hurting herself. She is the one pretending she is ok with the set up and texting things to try and force him to respond how she wants.*

Well yeah, that's true. But if he was a decent man, he would be honest with her. He knows she wants to know where she stands, but he won't give it to her (because onces he says "yeah actually you're nice to be around but I don't want to go anywhere with you", he knows she'll fuck off), so he is playing her for his own benefit.

If he can't/won't acknowledge that that is going to hurt her, then he is an idiot and a prick.

OP when you say you're a "little younger", how old are you actually? Because I was a "little younger" than my 38yo fuckboy when I was literally half his age and super vulnerable - precisely what he wanted.

Regardless, he doesn't want what you want. Drop the cool act and move on with what dignity you have left. You are worth so much more than this.

Right OP, tough love time - one of my male friends has broken a few hearts in his time while in FWB relationships.

He was clear throughout that he didn't want to commit.

He was clear throughout that he didn't want to be exclusive.

He was clear throughout that he was positive this wouldn't change - he gave no false hope at all.

But he's lovely and kind and to be honest amazing in bed!

The girls who had their hearts broken all lied to him at the start "I'm not like other girls I'm cool with casual" then got increasingly passive aggressive when he gave in their eyes the "wrong" answer to questions like yours, but would backtrack as if it was totally fine.

You know why he didn't step back and realise the women in question had caught the feelings? It's harsh but it's because he wasnt playing games. He wasn't analysing every message they sent. He took what they said at face value because he'd been honest throughout and so expected them to be as well. He's not a mind reader.

If they had said it wasn't working for them anymore or they wanted different he would have been honest (again) and agreed that's best as they want different things and best wishes etc

He won't care if you have a great night out on Facebook and you're tagged in the pictures! He isn't your boyfriend and he has done nothing wrong. YOU told him to enjoy his night out. Tbh you are the one playing games (wrong answers / how to make him jealous / thinking he will change etc) and he is being honest.

Please OP just let this one go, you aren't on the same page and I'm sure you deserve someone who wants to snap you up just as much as you want to snap them up.

"unworthy of him", my arse.

He's using you and taking up your time, whilst he has one eye on the door.

You know it, but don't want to face it.

Own it OP.

You are in your 30's and need to value yourself more.

He is not your friend.

He is Gaslighting you anytime you ask for clarification.

Screw looking for clairification, again.

He's given it to you.

He's not into you, but you are giving him all your time and power.

You need to realise you deserve more than this twat.

Best of luck.

I tell you the best (and hardest) lesson I've learned when it comes to relationships is that you will never change an emotionally unavailable man. For whatever reason they are unavailable, be it too soon after a relationship or because of their emotional issues or just because they don't want to be.

I was dating a guy earlier in the year who informed me after about a month he never wanted to be monogamous again with anyone ever, but enjoyed closeness and intimacy with multiple people (many of whom had tried to change him and it ended in years). I had not a second's doubt about walking away. That doesn't mean it wasn't hard, but I knew I'd learned too much to waste a minute more of my life trying to change an unavailable man. I'm sorry OP, but he has told you who he is and you have to believe him (to paraphrase Maya Angelou!)

I disagree with the PP that said it’s not that he’s not over his ex and that he just doesn’t want a relationship, he has not long came out of one which is the reason and I would say that it’s normal for most people to not want a serious relationship when they have just came out of one, and if they were together for 7 years then he won’t be over her for a while, and there’s nothing wrong with someone just wanting casual sex with someone, but the only thing that’s wrong with it is that the other person has to be on board with it too, and you can’t fault him for being honest.

I don’t think a man is sleazy just because he only wants sex, as some posters have said, it’s only sleazy if they’re lying about it.

Just maybe don’t contact him at all and if he contacts you then just say that you want different things and so there’s no point in the 2 of you meeting up.

Please don't let him continue to treat you like this.

You keep asking him what he wants from your relationship. You know the answer.

You keep asking so that one answer may be what you want to hear, this is not going to happen. Sorry.

Finish it. You'll feel horrid but instead of feeling horrid and used , you'll still feel a little horrid for a bit but you'll also feel dignified instead of used then you'll feel proud of yourself.

He had went out with his friend last night.
Sent me a pic this morning of a house,saying
This is not my house,send help.
Obviously he knows I will be wondering did he go back to someone's house
These are the mind games I'm talking about.

He’s being friendly, not manipulative - you are friends who have had sex. Look OP. I’m sorry but you really don’t get it do you? He doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you. He just wants an easy casual friendship. You don’t want that so you have to walk away. He’s not into you like you are Into him. Walk away. Wish him the best and walk away. Find someone who wants what you want.

@jesuschristwtf I asked him are we mates ?
He said no we aren't,don't call me a mate.
What am I meant to think.

You have to engage for someone to play a game.

So just disengage and accept that you don't want the same thing so there's no benefit to you staying in touch.

Why are you torturing yourself?

You don't have to 'think" anything

Either put up with it as it is or end it.

He's happy, you're not.

Why are you wasting your time?

These are not mind games OP.

He is telling you very clearly that ye are not exclusive.

You are choosing not to hear this.

This will only end one way, and you will be lying to yourself if you refuse to take responsibility for your part in it.

You are wasting valuable time on someone who just isn't feeling the same way.

Own it and move on.

Omg he is an absolute bellend and you are just chasing him. Sorry but he's probably laughing with all his mates at your convo's who are dickheads like him and think he's the man cos of how he treats women. Don't dump, just block him and never see him again

Sorry but how is he playing ‘mind games’? I think your own mind is playing the games to be frank.

He made it clear that he wants something casual/sex, that you’re not exclusive, that he wants to date others, that you’re not his girlfriend etc. His actions correspond to what he has told you?

You’re the one that wants something more, so are getting jealous/hurt as he does his own thing etc. As others have said, just end it and move on as you’re only hurting yourself. He isn’t going to be the man you’re hoping for.

Also - he doesn’t count you as a ‘mate’ as he sees you as a shag/friends with benefits sort of thing. He obviously doesn’t see you on the same level as his friends. This doesn’t mean that he wants anything more from you in terms of a relationship.

Ask him if you're exclusive and if you are an item if you're not mates. If he doesn't want to answer and backs away then you need to either accept it for what it is or walk away yourself. Stop playing games and sending him strange texts.

I thought you were both teens before I read the whole thing.He sounds a prick, what middle aged man sends messages saying hes in a strange house help? Absolutely pathetic.
Theres plenty of men who will see you properly as a girlfriend, not just as a fuck OP. Leave this bellend to it.

If he is playing mind games and trying to make you jealous (which I doubt tbh), you should end it. If he's not, and just wants a casual FWB arrangement (most likely), but you don't, you should end it. No good can come of this. For your sanity and self respect, just end the whole arrangement and treat yourself to something nice, a great night out with your real friends or anything that will make you feel good. Just stop tormenting yourself. Please.

I cant help but feel like you gave him leverage with what you text him.

Maybe he was looking for a "do you think you'll be on the prowl too?" Type of text, to gauge where your boundaries are in this. But all you gave him was "go shag, dont catch an std" which opened a while new window for him.