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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be jealous ? He said he's going out on the prowl?

156 replies

rachyrachy · 11/08/2019 18:59

I started to see a guy a couple of months ago he is a friend of a friend.
He just got out of serious relationship and I told myself I was happy with casual.
I've developed feelings for him and I thought he had for me (he texts daily all the time )and in person seemed really into me and caring.
He's made it clear he isn't in the right head space for serious and labels and if I try and ask him he backs away.
He text me today telling me Friday night he is going out with his friend who has just been dumped and he's friend is in the prowl.
I didn't want to ask if he was so I sent a jokey reply saying
"Ha ha enjoy prowling,if you can't be good,be careful)
He replied "careful is my middle name)
That hurt,I was looking for some sort of reassurance and he offered none.
Tbh I think I'm done now because I want someone that I'm enough for.
Aibu here to be hurt?
He's played mind games with me for months now and it hurts.

OP posts:
MrsDesireeCarthorse · 11/08/2019 19:17

A couple of months and you are pushing for serious, then being "hurt" that he didn't reassure you when YOU joked about him going on the pull? Fuck me. Hard work!!!

QuickThinkOfAName · 11/08/2019 19:18

So many things wrong with this

But basically you're not on the same page

Also why send that jokey text? You basically told him you were cool with him being out on the lookout for other women. I don't get why you'd do that?

But yuk on the prowl. Seriously? Just reminds me of the guys who scope the bar to take advantage of women who've had a little too much to drink.

You can do better than this.

QualCheckBot · 11/08/2019 19:19

But when I said to him "enjoy the prowling". He didn't say I'm not Maybe incase I got into the whole What are we convo

How old are you both? This sounds more appropriate for the sort of thing teenagers get into, because its their first experience with the opposite sex and they're too shy to admit they like each other.

Cannot fathom why an adult would tolerate their romantic interest saying he was out prowling for other women.

NobleRot · 11/08/2019 19:19

You set him up with the messages, presumably hoping he was going to reply, shocked, that HE wasn't going on the prowl, but it could equally be read as you explicitly encouraging him to do so...

DinosaursWouldEatYou · 11/08/2019 19:34

I don't know why some posters are calling him a twat and such. He's been honest from the beginning that he doesn't want anything serious and he shuts down any conversation that leads to 'what are we...' you can't please some people on MN. Hate a guy who's honest with his intentions, hate a guy who isn't. Can't win.

Anyway OP it honestly sounds like a joke you've taken to seriously which is ok, you have feelings for him, you're gonna be upset and jealous but he's still told you exactly where he is in terms of a relationship. He's not ready for one.

You should end things with him, not because he's a bad person or in the wrong but because you and him want two different things and you're only going to cause yourself more hurt.

Wonkybanana · 11/08/2019 19:36

I know there will be posters who come on here and say it was different for them, but on the whole it's never a good idea to be the first one after a major break up. There's too much unresolved baggage around. Sometimes it's the rebound effect - needing to be with someone, anyone.

You might want the relationship to go further, he's probably not sure if he wants a relationship at all. If he's walked away from her because of what she's done he'll be licking his wounds. If she ended it because of him and his behaviour, then you'd be advised to take it slowly and find out what it was about him.

Whatever the situation, slow down.

OMGshefoundmeout · 11/08/2019 19:36

If I’ve read your post right he told you right from the start he didn’t want anything serious and hasn’t deviated from that. You are the one who is trying to move the goalposts here.

Give him up as a bad job and move on. You want different things so he won’t make you happy.

Kerrywerrywoo1 · 11/08/2019 19:37

Subconsciously by sending that message you WANTED him to confirm either way if he was into you lots or not really. His reply is obviously ‘not really’. Don’t be hurt. Be relieved you know where you stand now and just get back on the dating apps and let it go. Don’t waste valuable time with a twat. Oh and if you want serious make sure you clearly say so in any dating websites - that’s how I met my husband :D

Totalwasteofpaper · 11/08/2019 19:38

I’ll save you are crap ton of time and heart ache.

you are wasting your time
This guy isn’t into you
Even if you manage to end up dating, you won’t marry him and he isn’t “the one”

You’re welcome...

theendoftheendoftheend · 11/08/2019 19:38

I don't think he's the only one playing mind games

Inappropriatefemale · 11/08/2019 19:41

Definitely the NC rule here (no contact) and let him come to you, although he has been honest with you in telling you that he basically just wants fun, and your like me, and lots of women in that you possibly need to feel something for a guy to keep having sex with him, I sure do and I’m not a lover of casual sex and I never have been. Be true to yourself.

Mummyoflittledragon · 11/08/2019 19:42

Context is everything. He may be joking and not serious or thought that was the green light to pull. Are you prepared to tell him what you want and walk if you don’t get it?

AGenericUsername · 11/08/2019 19:43

He wants to have his cake and eat it too. If you don't want to be his booty call then call it a day and move on. Do it now while your self respect in still intact.

WhereYouLeftIt · 11/08/2019 19:43

You want a relationship, he doesn't. For as long as you keep seeing him, you won't find someone who DOES want what you want.

Wave goodbye and move on. He's not the one for you.

Wishihad · 11/08/2019 19:47

If he had said "I am not prowling" (which incidentally is a creepy word)

You would sat thinking he is letting your know he isnt going out on the pull and starting to think theres a chance for you 2.

He have the best answer he could. Saying he was going out on the pull, woumd have upset you. Him saying he wasnt, would led you to think there is going to be more. Then when he turns you down you will be saying he is messing with your head. He has told you there wont be anything above casual.

Either accept that and accept he will date other people. Or end it.

But setting hi up to fail by trying to find out wethee he wants to get with someone, then getting shitty because you dont like the answer, hanging g round hoping there will be more one day is you playing with your own head.

Ponoka7 · 11/08/2019 19:47

How has he played mind games, he's told you it's a casual FWB set up.

You're not the injured party. You just want more than he does.

It's never going to change, so end it.

MustStop · 11/08/2019 19:48

He was honest with you, if you want different terms find someone else who meets your terms.
Why get involved in the first place if you wanted more Confused

TheDarkPassenger · 11/08/2019 19:51

I hate it when you’ve got a FWB thing going on with full knowledge on both sides and one catches the feels and somehow the other one is always the bad guy!

Noones the bad guy, you set him up to fail. Yeah he probs is going ‘on the prowl’ because he’s completely and utterly single.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 11/08/2019 19:53

I truly hope there's another website out there full of women getting what they want from FWB relationships, because I don't think I've ever read a single post here that would make me think they work for women! He isn't offering a relationship. That's fine, if you don't want a relationship. If you do, then he isn't for you and you need to block his number and move on.

Whatafackinliberty · 11/08/2019 19:53

What mind games has he played?

Hes made it clear he doesn't want a relationship with you.

SomeAfternoonDelight · 11/08/2019 19:54

The only thing you should have replied would be either ‘WOW’ or ‘ERGH’

user1480880826 · 11/08/2019 19:55

You told him to have fun prowling. That isn’t exactly letting him know that you think your relationship is serious. Maybe he’s on dadsnet asking why you didn’t say something reassuring like “I hope it’s just your friend prowling”.

You’re both playing games and not saying how you really feel. That’s never going to end well.

VenusTiger · 11/08/2019 19:55

He’s on the defence from his ex - and is enjoying his freedom, he now has a mate to do this with - he’s told you he’s not ready for head strong commitment so there’s your answer.
Either go casual yourself and date or finish with him.

category12 · 11/08/2019 19:57

You're being very foolish. Actually listen to what he has said, and stop hanging out for him.

He hasn't played mind-games - he told you was just looking for casual and you have pretended you're OK with that. You're the one playing games, if anyone.

AnyFucker · 11/08/2019 19:57

You are clearly not suited to "casual" relstionships.

Nothing wrong with that but don't try and fool yourself you are ok with the FWB situation. A world of hurt and humiliation awaits you.

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