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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be jealous ? He said he's going out on the prowl?

156 replies

rachyrachy · 11/08/2019 18:59

I started to see a guy a couple of months ago he is a friend of a friend.
He just got out of serious relationship and I told myself I was happy with casual.
I've developed feelings for him and I thought he had for me (he texts daily all the time )and in person seemed really into me and caring.
He's made it clear he isn't in the right head space for serious and labels and if I try and ask him he backs away.
He text me today telling me Friday night he is going out with his friend who has just been dumped and he's friend is in the prowl.
I didn't want to ask if he was so I sent a jokey reply saying
"Ha ha enjoy prowling,if you can't be good,be careful)
He replied "careful is my middle name)
That hurt,I was looking for some sort of reassurance and he offered none.
Tbh I think I'm done now because I want someone that I'm enough for.
Aibu here to be hurt?
He's played mind games with me for months now and it hurts.

OP posts:
Lotts123 · 11/08/2019 19:58

You say he made it clear he isn’t in the right headspace for a relationship, then you say he’s played mind games. It sounds like he’s been clear about what he does not want from the start.

He didn’t actually say he’s going on the prowl, he said his friend is. He made, what I would take as a jokey response to your comment, and I don’t see that this proves that he either is or is not going on the prowl. You say that you were looking for reassurance but you didn’t say that to him, it seems like you expected him to just know that’s what you wanted. It sounds like you aren’t being clear about what you want, and are hurt that he isn’t getting what you mean though you aren’t saying it.

Maybe you need to have a chat about how you really feel and see what his response is. Just be prepared to call things off if you don’t get the response you would like - you already know that he isn’t ready for anything serious, but that doesn’t mean that he is looking to meet someone else.

SweetAsSpice · 11/08/2019 19:58

He's made it clear he isn't in the right head space for serious and labels and if I try and ask him he backs away.

If he has made this clear, you can’t really expect anything less. He may be under the assumption that when you are not with him, you may also be out on the ‘prowl’ (cringe!)

However, it doesn’t mean it won’t hurt you. But, if you’ve developed feelings and he has made it extremely clear you are FWB, when you blur boundaries, the interpretation of every action, text, etc will drive you wild. It’s sadly on you to walk away and deal with. Flowers

threemonthstogo · 11/08/2019 20:01

Yes I also think you have the impression you were fine with him pulling, in fact basically didn't care. His comment could have just been what seemed like the most appropriate "banter" in response, and might have just meant yes I'm going to try and not get into any trouble with my drunken friend.

But clearly, you need to have the chat, and if he does not want to be exclusive you need to walk away as you do. And people don't just come around in situations like this, not after the length of time you are talking about.

Rachelle11 · 11/08/2019 20:01

Sounds like you are the one playing mind games. He's been blunt and honest from the start.

Wishihad · 11/08/2019 20:02

Maybe you need to have a chat about how you really feel and see what his response is.

She did. He said he wanted casual.

threemonthstogo · 11/08/2019 20:03

*given the impression

Geeceebee · 11/08/2019 20:10

Dump. He is not the one for you.

lilmishap · 11/08/2019 20:12

He said his friend is on the prowl he didn't say 'we're on the prowl' presumably because he isn't, your reply was 'haha you go and enjoy chasing other women' it might have thrown him off.
Your not communicating with him in a very honest fashion and he probably doesn't know whats going on with you, that might explain why you feel he's been 'playing mind games' when you're the one who isn't being honest with him

AlwaysCheddar · 11/08/2019 20:14

Get rid. The early days of a relationship are supposed to be amazing... not like this!

Inappropriatefemale · 11/08/2019 20:15

True @AlwaysCheddar but then they do say ‘the path to true love never did run smoothly’Grin

RushianDisney · 11/08/2019 20:15

He was honest with you about what he wanted, and because you like him you pretended you were ok with it too. But you aren't, and it isn't fair to blame him when he has been totally upfront with you. Just cut contact and move on, and be honest about what you want from the start too then you won't be disappointed.

Ponoka7 · 11/08/2019 20:19

@LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett because women for who a FWB, set up, works for them and I'm one of them, for 13 yeats now, don't need to post.

Just like all the women with good marriages, In laws etc don't post.

Livelovebehappy · 11/08/2019 20:21

TBH he has made it clear what he wants from this hook up so you can’t really criticise him for behaving the way he is. He doesn’t want a relationship, he’s happy with things as they are. You aren’t on the same page, so walk away

nrpmum · 11/08/2019 20:24

He told you he's not wanting serious and you still stumbled on! He was honest. He might be a sleaze, but an honest sleaze!

thecatinthetwat · 11/08/2019 20:24

I’m not sure you gave him any room to respond any differently than how he did.

I would suggest asking him if he wants to be casual but exclusive, if you’re happy with that. Basically, you’re exclusive but see each other casually, without going on dates, meeting friends or family etc. And things can progress slowly, if it goes that way.

MashedSpud · 11/08/2019 20:25

He gets to have sex with you and anyone else he’s able to. Why would he want to limit that to just you? He’s stated he wants it casual and that’s what casual is.

Boysey45 · 11/08/2019 20:37

I think you need to drop him now before you get very hurt. Just block him and move on. Your wasting your time with him, when you could be with someone who actually wants a relationship.

FifteenYemenRoadYemen · 11/08/2019 20:40

OP, he has not lead you on, be fair. He's been upfront and told you he is not looking for a serious relationship and you informed him you were happy with something casual.

Now, you want more, and he does not know this. You have changed what you want and it's evident he is not on the same page as you.

Instead of branding him as a head-fuck, which he does not appear to be, accept that you are not ready for a casual relationship and would prefer something exclusive and move on.

There's no need for any drama or major theatrics, you can simply say you want different things and wish him the best.

Gooseygoosey12345 · 11/08/2019 20:42

He's not playing mind games at all. He said he didn't want serious, you said you were ok with that. If you're not ok with that then stop expecting him to fit into the box of what you do what. That's not fair on him or you. Move on, find someone who wants the same things. Or if you think he might then just ask him outright. There's no need for guessing and games

NotEven · 11/08/2019 20:44

He's made it clear he isn't in the right head space for serious and labels and if I try and ask him he backs away

How can you write that and still feel like he is messing you about? That doesn’t make sense.
The prowling joke was just silly. You joked and he joked. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Sandybval · 11/08/2019 20:52

He's been very honest with you, you need to decide if that's something you can handle or not.

jesuschristwtf · 11/08/2019 20:56

what? he said he wasn't interested in a serious relationship. So you text him that to get re-assurances? Sounds like you might be playing mind games here OP. Move on. He's not interested. Sorry.

BlueJava · 11/08/2019 20:56

I think he's told you exactly where he's at - he doesn't want a relationship but perhaps some sex and fun with you and others too. However, your feelings seem to have changed (not your fault obviously). I think you have to say goodbye otherwise you're going to have a massive amount of heart ache.

WendyImHome · 11/08/2019 20:59

You could have confused him. If you had been the one to say ‘my friend is looking for men tonight’ and he said ‘have fun looking for men you two!’ you would be downhearted and think ‘oh, we’re not as serious as I though, he thinks I would go out chasing men.’

LazyLemur · 11/08/2019 21:09

OP yanbu to he hurt but yabu to be putting up with mind games for months.

The technicalities of that particular conversation are irrelevant. He doesn't care enough about you to either acknowledge your feelings or cut you loose.

He is hurting you, so stop letting him.

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