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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want oh to wear suit he got married in?

248 replies

Maybe2020 · 11/08/2019 17:13

My partner and I have a cousins wedding to go to in September. He wants to wear the suit he got married in!!
I think it’s weird and told him to get a new one, he says in being stupid and it’s just clothes, doesn’t mean anything.
Aibu?

OP posts:
Devora13 · 12/08/2019 22:11

Don't know how long you've been together or how long he was married to his ex, but sounds like he could do with an update.
And yeah, I can understand why you would feel uncomfortable about it.

Livinginhell123 · 12/08/2019 22:35

My son went for his job interview in DH’s (his dad’s) suit from when we got married. I don’t think it’s weird at all, it’s just a suit. I could understand if it was a tuxedo or top and tail type and he didn’t have a major roll in the wedding but I do think YABU.

winniestone37 · 12/08/2019 22:35

This is more about you feeling insecure surely? When did his marriage end?

partofyoupoursoutofme · 12/08/2019 22:38

I would assume he had very little sentimental feeling about the suit, and that he views it as just part of his wardrobe. I'd be worried if he kept it separate and never wore it tbh! It won't be recognisable to anyone, and he obviously doesn't feel like he's wearing his wedding suit, because that would be pretty weird.

staceyflack · 12/08/2019 22:55

If you guys were getting married... I could understand you not wanting him to wear it then... but right now do you have reason to be insecure. Does he love you?

Lulu49 · 12/08/2019 23:01

The suit is the one he wore when he married his ex!!! Hasn’t anyone else read that?

TheRobotsAreComing · 12/08/2019 23:03

I voted YABU but then read its suit he got married to ex in. I wouldn't let my DH but then I can be petty Wink

TheRobotsAreComing · 12/08/2019 23:04

*Grin

NobleRot · 12/08/2019 23:11

Yes, @Lulu49, we just don’t think this means he needs to hammer a stake through the crotch and then burn it.

K1ssIt · 12/08/2019 23:47

I'd be thinking it would have him re-live his wedding day!

My husband wasn't married before we met but he had an ex and a child. Id be an idiot to think he never shared some happy times with her. He loved her at one point and you can't control someone's thoughts, if anything is gonna make someone remember a wedding it's attending a wedding so he'll probably have a few fleeting thoughts anyway.

JellyfishAndShells · 13/08/2019 00:11

So what is meant to happen to the suit , then, if the DP Isn’t allowed to wear it on this, or presumably any other , occasion ? Just hanging there in hope that the moths will deal with it ?

It makes it more of a totemic thing to be there, untouched and untouchable. Your DP has a healthy ‘, it’s just a suit ‘ attitude towards it but now you are making it important.

Bizarre.

RevSeptimusHarding · 13/08/2019 00:13

it's just a suit. I wore my wedding suit to work for years. It's not like a wedding dress. It's just a suit.

SheilaBruce · 13/08/2019 00:21

I'd probably only care if he wanted to wear the same suit when he married me Grin

Otherwise, for other social events, just wear it.

Benes · 13/08/2019 07:41

Lulu yes we've all read that. It's just not a big deal 🤷

Ladyfaith · 13/08/2019 08:07

It’s still just an item of clothing, why not create new memories with the suit.

Cherry4weans · 13/08/2019 10:33

I can sympathise. Imagine imagine you rocked up in same wedding dress or something.

Everlandia · 13/08/2019 11:46

So your new partner can’t wear a suit he wore to marry an ex even though they are no longer together and he has indicated no emotional attachment to it. Imagine the reverse, new male partner gets invited to a wedding and tells you you can’t wear a dress that fits nicely and is event-appropriate as HE, not you, has attached meaning to it as HE associates you wearing it with your ex (not even clear at this point if you were even on the scene back then...). We’d be berating him as a controlling misogynist and telling you to do what you want and wear what you want. You are the one wearing it after all. Why is it any different because the gender has switched? Of course I’m assuming you are a woman and he a man but the same applies for same-sex relationships. If he’s happy to wear it, feels comfortable in it and has already indicated that it doesn’t hold any special meaning for him, why do you get to have a tantrum and demand he wears something else?! Double standards abounding here. Maybe if we all spent less time attaching meaning to things and more time attaching them to our relationships, the world would be a better place! He’s with you now, build a bridge and get over it.

NurseButtercup · 13/08/2019 11:54

Unless the suit is an inappropriate colour/design or has Mr and Mrs xxxx written across it, I completely agree with @Everlandia and @ladyfaith

MardyMavis · 13/08/2019 12:08

It's not the suit though, there could be hundreds of little things short he wore on honeymoon....his car? She's been in it...fact is he was married before you and if you are bothered about the suit there will always be something to bother you...won't lie it would probably bother me which is why I wouldn't get with a divorcee.

Vilanelle · 13/08/2019 13:27

Why not just ask him to burn all the clothes he wore when with his ex?

Chloemol · 13/08/2019 13:54

So you didn’t wear any clothes from any previous relationship you had? You were not at the ex wedding, so who cares. However if you are that concerned offer to buy him a new suit at your expense

Fatbutt · 13/08/2019 14:37

presumably his ex has had her mitts on his birthday suit, so the wedding suit should be fine...

FelicisNox · 19/08/2019 22:41

You're being over sensitive.... move on.

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