To tell my mum not to cook for MIL?

[Bettyboopityboop]

Ok so a bit of background:

My family and DH family live in different countries. My family live in Canada and DH family is in South Africa. My mum's family is originally from Turkey. DHs family is just English.

Anyways my family is buying DH's family plane tickets to come to the UK then to come to with us to visit them.

My MIL is a bit scared of "weird" food. My mum makes brilliant Turkish dishes that include a lot of meat and rice. My DH loves my mum's cooking, so I'm sure she will make even more Turkish food. My mum wants to cook a huge feast for the day we land because she is so excited but MIL has already said she doesn't want food that has fat in it and she doesn't like anything if it's not what she's used to. I'm a bit worried about her reaction to foreign food. She generally eats only English style recipes.

AIBU to tell my mum not to cook all this food, even if it might hurt her feelings? I doubt it will be touched by MIL and this might make my mum upset anyway.

@Sweetpea55 maybe try reading the thread and you will find that OP has answered that question several time.
To be honest it really isn't that difficult to figure out what she meant in the context of what she was saying. If you really try I'm sure you will manage to get it just the same as the 150 other posters on the the thread managed to.

feast What a load of old nonsense

Silly MIL bashing thread really “my mother is so generous and kind and a wonderful cook and my Mil is mean and plain and just English”
As if you were ever contemplating telling your mother not to cook because the Mil you clearly dislike might not like the food. What a load of old tosh.

I guess calling someone English is an insult now? Strange because I'm also half English. Lose the chips on your shoulders guys, do you really think I would let my parents fund this and volunteer to join in on long haul flights if I hated my MIL? News flash, I don't have to spend any time with anyone I dislike. Stop projecting and Toomuchtrouble4me get a life.

for you op, excellent response (genuine, not sarcastic in case it sounds like it is).

Fried potatoes=fat. Plain boiled new potatoes should be suitable, along with a plain chicken breast and some salad, or peas and carrots.

I have to admit I laughed at this little. Boiled potatoes maybe, but the rest is nowhere near Turkish fare. If Mother is cooking a Turkish feast she should be able to stick to a Turkish feast. The point is to not inconvenience her mother.

OP, there should be salad. And maybe if your mum makes soup too MIL can have that with bread. I would consider that an excellent meal and wouldn't stress too much. She'll probably be too tired to eat much anyhow.

I often see things here that don't work oppositely; (not a word,)

If someone was Turkish and didn't like English food, would anyone condemn them?

Doubtful.

OP, please ask your dm to have.something plain for your mil. I don't have any idea what that is, but plain grain that is similar to "English." I make large familial feasts.cut dh's family and always make sure there is something for everyone.

My ds had plain rice and chicken before it was seasoned last time. That's not difficult.

My ds and I would probably be considered picky but we aren't hardy with spices or fats. Dd and Dh can eat anything.

If i eat spices and fats, i will not be well. It's not racist. It's my digestive system.

It's not shameful to prefer one cuisine over another. It is bad manners to shame someone who has preferences.

Many people aren't adventurers.

I don't understand.why so many think your husband's mothers are hounds from hell.but i hope you all have dil's who are more kind and understanding so this ends with this generation.

Large family feasts FOR (not cut) dh's family.

It's lovely your mum wants to go to all that trouble. I would be heartbroken if I cooked my native cuisine for people and they picked at it or made faces (so I don't bother cooking African dishes for most people as people just seem to have a negative view of it without having ever tried it).

Personally I would just make something simple on the side for MIL and let everyone indulge in the feast particularly as everyone does seem to enjoy it.

And yes personal preferences and all but if someone goes to such effort in your honour, how selfish and self-centred is it to make a big fuss about not eating this or that without considering the effort someone has gone to and their feelings. How about plastering a smile and trying a few bits and being gracious to the hosts? Doesn't cost anything

OP you and your family sounds lovely. Ignore the haters. I hope the trip goes well! (Keep us updated!)

My mum is like your mil. She is particular about what she eats and is seemingly never satisfied unless it’s done a certain way. If she doesn’t like something, she pulls a face or goes on about how she can’t eat it, asking how I can, etc. It’s annoying. However, she will try a food as long as it is something similar that she is used to or has ingredients she likes in it.

Are there any Turkish dishes that are similar to the English ones she likes?

I'd just warn your mum that MIL is a fussy eater, has said she is currently avoiding fatty food and leave it there. If your mum is making loads of food then I'm sure there will be something that your MIL can eat, and if not then maybe your MIL will make something suitable. They are both adults, I'm sure it will be fine. If your MIL really can't bear to eat any of it then that's her loss, it may come across as a bit rude but not the end of the world.

I don't think this needs to be a big deal at all.

I'd worry much less about MIL and what she will / won't eat and worry that your dm will be desperately upset that her feast is not eaten as her guests will be jet lagged and just want something simple to eat, a hot shower and a rest.

Leave the feast for another day.

@Catsinthecupboard the flavours issue is partially beside the point. The real issue is that OP’s MIL is rude about it. She makes faces and speaks snidely. Eat your plain and boring unseasoned food if you want but don’t piss on other people’s choices.

I didn't eat rice before I was 18, nor curry. Just a cultural thing. Ask your Mum to cook some plain chicken for MIL and ask MIL if she's ok with bread and salad.

This thread's getting like "Cancel the cheque".

It's good to anticipate these situations, but keep it low key!

I like food but I think this equating food with hospitality/emotion/manners etc causes so much trouble.

Anyone for plain cheese chicken? 😬

YANBU but don't sell yourselves short as you're clearly looking forward to the food.

Just ask your mum to buy in some bland stuff.

My mum is beyond fussy (she literally eats five things unless it's any kind of dessert) so I feel your concern.