To tell my mum not to cook for MIL?

[Bettyboopityboop]

Ok so a bit of background:

My family and DH family live in different countries. My family live in Canada and DH family is in South Africa. My mum's family is originally from Turkey. DHs family is just English.

Anyways my family is buying DH's family plane tickets to come to the UK then to come to with us to visit them.

My MIL is a bit scared of "weird" food. My mum makes brilliant Turkish dishes that include a lot of meat and rice. My DH loves my mum's cooking, so I'm sure she will make even more Turkish food. My mum wants to cook a huge feast for the day we land because she is so excited but MIL has already said she doesn't want food that has fat in it and she doesn't like anything if it's not what she's used to. I'm a bit worried about her reaction to foreign food. She generally eats only English style recipes.

AIBU to tell my mum not to cook all this food, even if it might hurt her feelings? I doubt it will be touched by MIL and this might make my mum upset anyway.

OP, it sounds like you have great parents but you’re all pandering to your in-laws. You don’t want to upset your MIL, but what about your upset? Or your mother’s? Are you less important than she is? I ran around after my very entitled MIL like a blue-arsed fly trying to please her in the beginning and put up with incredibly rude treatment in return. I regret it now because it’s much harder to put boundaries in place once they’re used to being made more important than you.

If your DH thinks this is a non-issue let’s hope he’s right. But if not don’t twist yourself in knots trying to please her. Let your DH look after that and just focus on enjoying the good food and company.

My DM can be fussy. If I cook a meal for us both I have to really dumb it down and she'll still enquire about every single ingredient to find an excuse to make a fuss She pulls faces too. I call it her 'ugly face' and take the piss when she does it.

This is different though. If it were me I would prepare your mother, and call mil out loudly at the first hint of a yuck or a face pull. 'mil, my mum has worked really hard on this meal, please don't be rude and ungrateful'.

If I promise to bring a ham sandwich and a gag for your MIL, can I come to your feast?

I’ll even feed her bits at intervals. And give her a pinch under the table if she dares insult her host. She doesn’t sound a worthy recipient of all this generosity at all.

I’m a bit surprised you and DH agreed to this whole visit. I think the welcome meal will only be the tip of the problem iceberg. Good luck though, may MIL surprise you all.

When we were eating droewors, she kept saying to DH "Oh no, I could never eat that. You can have it." While she pulled a face
So basically she thinks it's ok to be rude about the food from your culture?
Does she not have manners?
I bet she's one of those people who is actually rather prejudiced about 'foreigners' and their ways, and this is her getting a dig in without being an overt twatbag.

How long have your PiL been in SA, @Bettyboopityboop? I ask because most South Africans are very cautious with money because the economy has been so turbulent. I know this because DH is a Saffa and we spend a lot of time there and are moving there soon. Money is a national obsession!

I hope all goes well with the family meeting. I am sure your MiL will have an amazing time. Perhaps she is fixating on food because she is generally anxious about travelling and meeting new people? My MiL is like that. As is my Mum, come to think of it!

There’s the usual MiL hate on this thread. Don’t let that fuel your concerns.

@NoSauce If this were a child or actually anyone else I’m sure people would’ve saying that they shouldn’t be made to feel bad because they only like “English food” and that even the OPs mum should probably offer something bland but as it’s only the MIL she should put up and shut up.

Nope, other way around. If it was a child, people on here would be saying it is just a child they eat what they're given, you're the adult you make the decisions, etc etc. The MIL is getting off lightly in a way that a child never would on here.

My MIL had recently come over from South Africa to help out after I had DC2. She was amazing. Insisted on cooking alot. One of the dishes was a mutton based dish. Im really not keen on mutton at all. I really don't like the taste.

It wasn't half as bad as I'd imagined. I found the dish to be very tasty and was extremely grateful that she'd taken the time to cook for us.

That's what I feel you should do if somebody does something nice for you. It's similar to a gift, accept it graciously.

I would just tell MIL what's going to be on offer and she can make up her own mind as to whether she wants to join, if not she will need to sort herself out with a meal.

JemimasJumper

Turkish food is essentially a posh BBQ. The grill stuff anyway.

Ooooh My ... I looked up Yogurt soups and the look Amazing.

I also looked up Swedish cooking and that look amazing too.

I essentially can eat fats [GERD] But im sure with a little meds management I'd be able to try these Yumm Foods. [for a short time]

((((((Happy Yummy Hugs)))🌻🐨💐🍵🍲🥣

Can't.. thats supposed to be. I cant eat fats

I'm sure your MIL is perfectly capable of politely saying she doesn't like something rather than pull a face and say "yuk I can't believe you are eating that". I'm just as sure that your mum has had people not like something she has cooked before and isn't so flakey that she is going to be hurt and upset because another adult doesn't like something.

Yes because I'm sure you know OP's family better than she does and she has made up these potential reactions just to make drama for an MN thread

"Ooooh My ... I looked up Yogurt soups and the look Amazing."

To me they look like bowls of vomit.

Personally, although i defended that not liking one cuisine doesn't make you a fussy eater. I would have picked her up on her rudeness by now.

I'd certainly be asking my DH to tell his Mother not to do her usual antics and pick what she wants to eat.

Considering your in laws are the type of people who allow strangers to pay their air fares I wouldn't be surprised if she was rude about the food...

@Ponoka7
"Ooooh My ... I looked up Yogurt soups and the look Amazing."

To me they look like bowls of vomit.

traditional Pea and Ham soup looks like like Vomit. but it still tastes good. Chicken corn soup same.

OP, you mentioned that your Mum is very sensitive and gets hurt easily.

Well I would think it would be a very good idea to have a clear word with her to prepare her.

That is, if you don't want things to escalate unnecessarily.

Gently warning your Mum about the possibility that MIL pulls faces etc and ask her NOT to take offence as it isn't personal it's just that she doesn't know any better!

Then tell your husband to say to his Mother, go easy on the "faces" if you see food you don't like as my MIL will have gone to a lot of trouble.

By preparing them both, it will hopefully reduce the possibility of conflict, and if it arises anyway you can be clear that you warned them both.

Unfortunately OP, your mother being very sensitive is your mother's problem, and you need to deal with that your end.

billy1966 I think most people would be offended if someone was blatantly rude about their cooking!

I'm jealous. I wish I could eat delicious Turkish food.
Maybe your Mum could do something simple for your MIL? A jacket potato or something simpler.

@TheMaddHugger, totally agree. My dad always did P&H soup, i always passed. I don't eat some soups, but with yogurt soups, it's because i also tried cold ones, that ruined it for me.

I'd have to eat them blindfolded. I can't eat whole prawns. My Nigerian friend cooks fish with teeth that could take your arm off, as long as they are cut up, I'm fine with them.

Warn your mum about the fussy MIL.

But speak to MIL and say there will be some food she might not like but that you will help her find sometbing she does like but please be aware that it would not be polite to comment/keep commenting about food served by hosts.

But why should everyone else miss out just because you're MIL is fussy? Warn your mum that MIL is a boring stick in the mud when it comes to food and leave it up to her to decide whether she still wants to make nice food for the rest of you or not?

If you're really worried, just ask your mum to see if she can make some patates kızartma as well (fried potatoes). MIL should be ok with that.

If you're really worried, just ask your mum to see if she can make some patates kızartma as well (fried potatoes).

Fried potatoes=fat. Plain boiled new potatoes should be suitable, along with a plain chicken breast and some salad, or peas and carrots.

I love Turkish food but from time to time I have been unable to eat anything spiced or complicated. Liver access, digestive problems etc. Just ask your mother in law for some suggestions and add a dish to the feast that she will enjoy. Then you can all be happily together. Enjoy it all. Make no mountains out of molehills.

I would warn the person cooking that the other person has dietary requirements so could be fussy with what she eats so don't be offended.