To tell my mum not to cook for MIL?

[Bettyboopityboop]

Ok so a bit of background:

My family and DH family live in different countries. My family live in Canada and DH family is in South Africa. My mum's family is originally from Turkey. DHs family is just English.

Anyways my family is buying DH's family plane tickets to come to the UK then to come to with us to visit them.

My MIL is a bit scared of "weird" food. My mum makes brilliant Turkish dishes that include a lot of meat and rice. My DH loves my mum's cooking, so I'm sure she will make even more Turkish food. My mum wants to cook a huge feast for the day we land because she is so excited but MIL has already said she doesn't want food that has fat in it and she doesn't like anything if it's not what she's used to. I'm a bit worried about her reaction to foreign food. She generally eats only English style recipes.

AIBU to tell my mum not to cook all this food, even if it might hurt her feelings? I doubt it will be touched by MIL and this might make my mum upset anyway.

Everyone else can have it. She can have toast.

can I come? my partner is a Turk and I miss him and all the amazing food 😂😂 roll on September 4th 🙈🙈😂

To your mother "Whatever you serve we will look forward to Mum thanks, we love your cooking. Advance warning though mil is a bit fussy, well more of a bland pallet than fussy so don't be offended, that's just how she is"

To mil "My mum is so looking forward to hosting us, she has a big meal planned, don't worry there be something for everyone but just so you know she is going to a lot of trouble and would be upset if she thought she didn't cater for everyone's taste" I.e don't be a rude cow and eat what you are given after she has paid for your flights and gone to a lot of effort

OP, your mother sounds wonderful.

Allow your Mum doing to cook her feast, which sounds fabulous.

Ask your MIL for an idea of a simple alternative meal.

Have the alternative ingredients ready to go.
It can't be that difficult if she's that plain an eater.

Hopefully your MIL will be gracious and appreciate her wonderful hosts.

The worst thing you could do would be adjust the whole menu for the holiday for one person.

Now that would be YANBU!

To your mum “just to let you know- mil’s a very simple eater-could you leave leave some chicken plain, and that with some bread and salad will be fine” And to your mil “Don’t worry, i’ve told mum you only like plain food- she’ll make sure there’s something you’ll like”

End of problem without massive escalation.

Another vote for making MiL something like chicken nuggets and chips. My 5YO is like this and it's just not worth trying to force them. She will be having a hard enough time meeting new people and being away from home. Make sure you put her down for a nap before hand and bring colouring books to distract her during the meal.

Don't deprive the rest of the family because of 1 fussy eater.
Just warn your mum to cook one separate plain & English meal

Refusal to stray outside what you are used to is not restricted to English peopl, btw:

When in England, I always cooked a traditional roast for at least one meal when my late mum's Coptic Arab family visited.
One fussy Arab cousin wasn't invited again after she refused throughout the holiday to eat anything "foreign !"

She also reportedly did the same when they went on to Paris, so it wan't just English food, or my cooking.

Barring religious, ethical or medical reasons, SEN etc,
I get irritated by people who holiday in a foreign country, but are too conservative to try any of the food there AND demand everyone else do as they do.

What do you think of the suggestions to simply tell your mum that your MIL prefers plain foods, OP? Is that too undramatic a solution?

If fusspots just do their own thing and don't try to restrict everyone else, then that's their business

Why on earth would you leap to a suggestion like that just because someone likes plain food!

It's called experience, Bertrand. I've known plenty of perfectly normal plain-eaters who'd just get on with enjoying the simpler meal provided, but I've also known too many who seize the opportunity to make it all about them, regaling everyone with remarks about the "weird muck" and exactly what they'd expect it to do to their digestive systems

As said, though, I can't possibly know what this MIL's like, which is why I asked

I don't get why this is such a problem that it needs a whole post about it, surely you tell your Mum that your MIL only eats very plainly, so your Mum cooks up a lovely feast for everyone and just has a plain chicken breast that can be grilled with some undressed salad for the Mil, no need for a big fuss or anything.

Surely a Turkish banquet will include some lovely chargrilled chicken, salad and flat bread at least. I think the MIL should make an effort.

It’s just another covert mil bashing thread. And plenty of people are joining in.

Gosh people are so rude.

Your parents sound lovely and hospitable and you are overthinking it. Just tell your mum that mil is used to plain food and is a bit nervous about trying new stuff. There's really no need for all this drama. We like what we like. As a host, if someone said that to me I would make sure that all my guests were catered for and not belittled or made to feel uncomfortable because they don't like what's on offer.

If your mum is cooking "a feast" then something plain alongside it won't be a bother for her. Stop making issues where there are none.

Another storm in a tea cup

My DD has been exploring healthy eating books recently and was very amused to see my extremely simple food choices as being something to aspire to. The world would be a better place if all the 'foodies' toned it down a bit apparently.

I never make a fuss, I just eat what I can if dining out, no one notices, they're all too busy enjoying their own food. As long as there's bread on offer I wouldn't worry OP.

I must say this thread is milder than the usual fussy eater ones, even though it's about a MIL.

She'd eat it if she was starving and there was nothing else.
I can't stand fussy eaters, they go without here or cook their own if they don't like what's served.
You may have a problem from childhood, but adults you get over it, by growing the fuck up.

i eat tons of food and am travelling UK to Canada later this month,

I can't think I'd want any sort of FEAST when i arrive after the flight. Maybe a coffee and a biscuit but I'd already would have had 2 meals on the plane, plus whatever beforehand and snacks and just want a shower and bed.
So hopefully this feast would be for another day!

Don’t entertain the fussy eater. Your mum should make a wonderful Turkish feast and your MIL should just eat what she can and be graceful and polite about it. Really, indulging adult fussy eaters who are neurotypical and without allergies is just nonsense.

I think let your mum cook her feast, but ask her to include a couple of plain, ordinary "English" style dishes - or you could!
Explain to your ma that your MIL might not partake of her feast because she has a limited palate - but there's no reason that EVERYONE else should miss out, including your mum, just because of one person!
However, your mum should be discouraged from pressing her food onto your MIL - that probably would end up with hurt feelings.

Have it buffet style, let everyone help themselves and have some bread and cheese and ham etc. for MIL.

We live in Canada with English family and I'd be a little cautious about a feast on arrival. Are your family East or West Coast OP, how long will your DP's family be stopping off in the UK and how much additional traveling is there on either end of the flight? Where we used to live the main flight was 8 hours, plus 3+ hours traveling on either side of the flight as neither of us lived close to an international airport. Visiting guests arrive very tired, I'd plan for a pretty gentle day one and save the feast for when you have all recovered from the journey (and I would say from experience that that is usually not until day three), it will be much more enjoyable for everyone. And yes if there is an option of plain grilled chicken with plain rice and plain salad as part of the feast then everyone should be happy and MIL might well feel confident enough to try some of the Turkish dishes if she doesn't feel pressured and overwhelmed.

@Bettyboopityboop
"just English"?? Not important I suppose!

I will correct my terminology... DH's family is very special English with super powers. Mastering the skill of flight as we speak.

😂 well done OP!

I understand what people are saying here, to offer MIL a plain dish, which we will do. My issue was being worried if my mum were to see any "revulsion" from my MIL on what would be on offer that she would be offended. It's easy for people to say there's no drama, but my mum's feelings would be hurt. I have personally experienced picky eaters being upset by what I was eating and it does sting a bit sometimes. It's the "yuck" reaction that's not fun to experience. Another example is that my mum will make a lot of yogurt based soups, which I don't think are typical for a western pallet, some of which are served cold, so I wasn't sure about the reaction to food that would be so different but also served along normal staples of meat and rice.

@Bettyboopityboop definitely warn your mum but also warn your MIL to not use offensive/childish language like “yuck” or “icky”. Tell her to mind her own plate and not negatively comment on what others are eating.

She'd eat it if she was starving and there was nothing else.
I can't stand fussy eaters, they go without here or cook their own if they don't like what's served.
You may have a problem from childhood, but adults you get over it, by growing the fuck up.

Aren't you a nice person I bet you don't get many dinner guests.

There are quite a few foods I won't eat. And I wouldn't eat them just to be polite. I wouldn't be rude about it but I wouldn't eat it. I'm not a particularly fussy eater there are just some things I don't like. But I don't offer my guest food they don't like, nor would I expect them to eat it if they didn't like it. Food is supposed to be a pleasure not a chore.