don't know what I've done wrong. Help me see the error of my ways...

[NannaNoodleman]

Family visiting from abroad, staying in our house, they're very welcome.

They wanted to go out to a certain place this afternoon but I was cooking dinner for everyone and clearing up lunch pots. So they went out and I stayed home.

Two cars: 4 adults and 4 children.

I called at 5pm and asked what time they'd be home and was told they wouldn't be setting off for another hour.

I asked my parents to bring my kids home sooner as they're tired and I wanted them to be in bed at a reasonable time tonight.

Well... it's caused a massive hoohah!!!

I've been told that they're on holiday and don't want to be summoned back for dinner at a certain time. There's been an argument and I'm being ignored!

• this is also my holiday (we stay in England for the summer so we can see them when they visit).
• they could've told me they didn't want dinner when I stayed home to cook it.
• I wasn't asking them to come back.
• I thought they were here to see us.
• my house is not a b&b.
• my children are so tired from many late nights that they've been crying at everything today.

So, why am I the villain?

Sibling has a point about the shellsuits though. We looked like the scousers from Harry Enfield.

Shellsuits were once the height of fashion in the 1980s - the Harry Enfield sketch is funny because they wore they long after the trend had passed! Convenience food as well we ate findus crispy pancakes and the highlight of our week was a ready meal in front of the tv on a Saturday. It was all new then

It sounds like your sibling has a need for everything to be perfect and done in a particular way - some MH difficulties there as well I would say. Probably enhanced by marrying someone very similar as well they are caught up in it

Sometimes it seems like sibling wants parents to be perfect and can't cope with them being imperfect.

And no doubt your sibling will be making plenty of her own mistakes whilst judging everyone else for theirs.

Sorry, assumed DSis but realise this hasn't been said.

Congrats Nanna on getting through this awkward and tense situation. I hope you, and your little family are able to breath a sigh of relief.
I am less critical of your parents now that your mum and dad gave you that hug and your dad gave you that whisper. I'm wondering if your mum when she wouldn't talk to you properly and said she had to go to the bathroom, was really just very upset about the prospect of having to deal with these twats for the next two/3 weeks. Your Dad too probably felt he couldn't have a showdown because still tied to them and were probably suffering as well. Having said that. They should have stood up for you.
Sibling and spouse is an utter utter rude bully and has got the whole family walking on egg shells whilst they complain about stupid things that cannot be changed and whine about the fact that it is their holiday. I completely agree with your previous comment that it is in fact not a holiday but a family visit. They are arrogant too, allowing their kids to torment the cat until it scratches and then complaining about it.
Zero sympathy for your poor daughter and the worry that must be causing, the whole issue of insisting on taking her out on a big day out when she's poorly and tired needs dicussion with parents about not overruling you again. Also they all seem to have forgotten that your children are still so young. Its all about their convenience. Gah!!
I don't know what the answer is.. but I'd be having a free and frank exchange of views (in a kindly constructive way) with your parents about this when they've escaped sibling's clutches.
Your sibling is treating you and your family like servants. I hope you get a chance to relax now and plan how you interact with them (manage them) in future. I also think that your parents don't get to make the arrangements for things like this in future which I suspect is part of the problem. Going along with what everyone else wants for a quiet life doesn't work ( I've gone down this road in the past and as my children got older realised that it just doesn't work, they have to come first and family who are used to bossing you around will be resistant to this but in the end you have to think "so what" ) Good luck

Sibling and spouse choose to live a very organic, non-chemical household and criticise my parents for using polish and toilet cleaner etc. Sibling thinks parents were poisoning us as children

WTF, what a pair of ungrateful cosseted arseholes who wouldn't know what real neglect was if it smacked them in the face - -I bet they're antivaxx dicks too--

I can believe not one of them said thank you or any other sincere genuine show of thanks. Ungrateful ill-mannered lot.

NannaNoodleman - and breatheeee, you've been monumentally more patient than I'd ever be

We begged for the shell suits.
Everyone had them.
I think your sister uses selective memory to emotional beat you up.

Oh cute! Do I have my very own troll hunter?

I don't have a clue who David and Caroline are and I don't give a fuck who you are @ThomasFurious. Either report me or piss off.

You know that isn't allowed right Thomas? Your post will be gone soon.

... and one post has gone.

You vile bully @ThomasFurious

Evening, all. Just popping in to say please don't troll hunt. It's against talk guidelines and can quickly throw a thread off kilter when there's no need. If you've any concerns please just report the relevant post and we'll take a look. For the record, we can't see any evidence that the OP is not genuine. Thanks.

Hats off to you for seeing it out.

I couldn’t believe what I was reading! It’s inexcusable to watch your host prepare a meal and a) not offer to help, then b) take off with no recourse as to when might be convenient to return.

And as for trying to undermine your parenting/boundaries and ignoring you in your own home - Cheeky fuckery gone mad.

If you don’t want an irreparable schism in the family, I suggest you don’t have the sibling and co to stay ever again. No need to be arsy about it, just ‘sorry that won’t work for us this time but love to meet up’ etc. Then the cousins can still see each other and obligatory family events like weddings and funerals won’t become diplomatic nightmares.

I expect the people feeling this most acutely are your parents. Go easy on them - they did not take on your sibling for precisely the same reasons you didn’t want to. X

LOL, your brother isn't woke enough - letting your children play outside preferably in the traffic has come roaring right back.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Free-range_parenting

@NannaNoodleman how are you feeling today now you're clear of them?

I still feel fairly low. I think we're all tired, we're processing daughter's diagnosis and the uncertainty of what treatment she might need, and I hate the feeling that I've fallen out with my parents... I could really do with them right now.

Maybe you should just tell your parents that. Say you don’t want a debate but this is why you are upset and that you are really stressed and worried about DD and need their support.

If you remember up thread my DD was diagnosed at age 3, it is very stressful and worrying, if you need a chat just pm me.

OP I don't think you have fallen out with your parents, it sounds like they're on tenderhooks having been around your sibling and in my experience it's always a bit stressful when adult families re-unite under the same roof for more than a day!

I feel sorry for your parents heading off with sibling, given how you've described their relationship and how you think they're treated when they're at sibling's house.

For now, be glad they'll all out of your hair and focus on your DD and how you're going to manage her condition etc. You can have a chat with your parents when they're home and the dust has settled. Put yourself and your immediate family first for now.

It sounds like you were a lovely host and you did the best you could with the people you had around you!

Hello, I’ve just read all 26 pages of your responses on this thread...

My goodness, what a very awkward and miserable experience that was for you. Thank goodness it’s over.

So your sibling has got a tonne of chips on their shoulder and has acquired the victim mentality in order to make everything about them. It’s the oldest trick in the book to gain advantage over others.

I know it’s easier said than done, but I don’t believe that their behaviour is anything to do with you, as in it’s not personal. It’s really not. They’ve got issues and are deflecting those issues onto the easiest target at the time. In this instance, it happened to be you. However, I see that when you are not available for the casting call of ‘villain’ they just employ one or both of your parents to play the part instead and when your parents aren’t available, no doubt some other unsuspecting person is made the scapegoat.

I would hope that with a little bit of space and objectivity over the next few weeks/months, that you will see that it’s not about you. Your sibling and their partner are just angry, miserable people who need to make up dramas based on victims and perpetrators. If that is what they want from their total life experience, that is up to them... as you said yourself, you need not ever really be involved again.

@Iamdobby63 thank you for your posts. I use the mobile app so can't do PMs.

Your DD was diagnosed at 3? When you mentioned it I assumed she'd been diagnosed at birth. How is she?

My son had PDA when he was a newborn (he was premature) and it resolved. I just don't understand why DD has it and why it hasn't resolved. I'm also frustrated because it was such a battle to get the GP to refer her to paediatrics. There were times when I thought I had Munchausen Byproxy!

I remember my son's cardiologist saying if his PDA wasn't resolved by a year he'd have to have a catheter or surgery.

Isn't it rich that they bleat on about their poor unfortunate childhood and how terrible your parents were, whilst demanding free childcare off the same two people!

As pp says, take this space now for your little family. I hope your daughter stays well and you can recover from this latest incident of scapegoating. I also don't think your parents have fallen out with you, but they should have put a stop to all this game playing ages ago.

Stay well op.

I can't work out whether sibling is miserable or just feels far superior.

The constant belittlement of everyone who doesn't think or do thing their way is tiring.

I do feel for my parents, I've always felt bad for the way they're treated especially considering all they've been through. I hate adding extra stress to them.