Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

don't know what I've done wrong. Help me see the error of my ways...

670 replies

NannaNoodleman · 08/08/2019 19:38

Family visiting from abroad, staying in our house, they're very welcome.

They wanted to go out to a certain place this afternoon but I was cooking dinner for everyone and clearing up lunch pots. So they went out and I stayed home.

Two cars: 4 adults and 4 children.

I called at 5pm and asked what time they'd be home and was told they wouldn't be setting off for another hour.

I asked my parents to bring my kids home sooner as they're tired and I wanted them to be in bed at a reasonable time tonight.

Well... it's caused a massive hoohah!!!

I've been told that they're on holiday and don't want to be summoned back for dinner at a certain time. There's been an argument and I'm being ignored!

  • this is also my holiday (we stay in England for the summer so we can see them when they visit).
  • they could've told me they didn't want dinner when I stayed home to cook it.
  • I wasn't asking them to come back.
  • I thought they were here to see us.
  • my house is not a b&b.
  • my children are so tired from many late nights that they've been crying at everything today.

So, why am I the villain?

OP posts:
Original poster
NannaNoodleman · 08/08/2019 20:04

There's been a few days of eating out and a few microwave meals but I thought today we'd eat at home.

OP posts:
Screamingeels · 08/08/2019 20:05

I think the odd thing here is you doing all this cooking so GPs end up taking 2 yo and 3 yo out without you.

How does that happen? I wouldn't do it. Whoever has this expectation - them that you should or you I must do this - that's the person who is being unreasonable.

Original poster
NannaNoodleman · 08/08/2019 20:06

I feel sick. Everyone is pissed off at me. I just tried to make things nice and I make one little mistake by not communicating today and it's resulted in this!

Talk about an escalation.

I could cry.

OP posts:
Original poster
NannaNoodleman · 08/08/2019 20:07

I wanted my parents to be able to have a bit of a rest too.

OP posts:
Screamingeels · 08/08/2019 20:08

Oh Nanna... it will pass. I think you are trying too hard, can you get your DH to take over when he gets back?

fascinated · 08/08/2019 20:09

I think yanbu

Original poster
NannaNoodleman · 08/08/2019 20:09

I don't even want to go downstairs... what do I do? Just breeze in and act as normally as possible? I feel sick.

OP posts:
TayoTheLittleBus · 08/08/2019 20:10

Aw. You sound lovely OP but maybe a little tightly wound. Has this perhaps escalated because they feel that you have been (for want of a better expression) “hard work” while they have been there, and this is the last straw?

Original poster
NannaNoodleman · 08/08/2019 20:11

He back. He said they're all downstairs watching TV in silence. So that sounds fun.

OP posts:
TayoTheLittleBus · 08/08/2019 20:11

Go and have a bath and stuff the lot of them is what I would do. Deal with it tomorrow when everyone has had some sleep

MrsSarahSiddons · 08/08/2019 20:11

They are being unreasonable, not you. They are treating you like their skivvy.

nanbread · 08/08/2019 20:11

I get it OP - it's not your parents that are annoyed but the other family members who don't need to come back?

Is it a sibling by any chance? Could they feel you get more time / attention from your parents and are jealous that you are effectively taking your parents away from them by asking them to bring back your DC?

They're being rude.

Oakmaiden · 08/08/2019 20:12

It sounds a lot like your parents didn't want a bit of a rest, it sounds like they wanted to stay out with the visiting family.

I have to say, if I was out with a group and someone phoned and summoned half the group home before we were ready to leave, I would probably feel I had to leave too. And I would be pissed off about it if there had been no pre warning that this was likely to happen.

The whole cooking thing, though, is bonkers.

Original poster
NannaNoodleman · 08/08/2019 20:12

In all honesty, I'm a pretty chilled out person. I've been going with flow all week! I didn't even care about them coming home later... I just wanted my children home (which I didn't communicate).

OP posts:
amiapropermum · 08/08/2019 20:12

YANBU. It sounds like you are trying really hard to cater for everybody and nobody is appreciating that.

Common sense would/should suggest that it's not a great idea to have tired young children out late again. It seems unfair that you are taking the rap for wanting them home at a reasonable time.

Yes, in an ideal world all these things would be discussed before everyone went out (leaving you to cook for them all) but sometimes things don't happen that way

AngelasAshes · 08/08/2019 20:13

So all morning you cook lunch, then as soon as lunch is eaten, you are cooking dinner? I think you should reconsider this for a holiday setting. It’s not fair that you are doing all the cooking alone. Too, there must be easier meals that can be cooked which do not require 4hrs to prepare.

No guest could work around that. I think YABslightlyU.
They only wanted to stay out 1 more hour. If the toddlers are that tired, they will nap in the car on the way home. You know by asking the grandparents to bring your kids home you are effectively ending the outing because 4 of 8 have to leave then and there.

Original poster
NannaNoodleman · 08/08/2019 20:14

A rest as in: I'm cooking for them not as in asking them to come home.

OP posts:
TayoTheLittleBus · 08/08/2019 20:14

I get it though. I have a four year old and a two year old and sometimes when their grandparents take them out (not often), keep them up too late, feed them on sugar etc I can feel my nerves jangling. But I try really hard to sit on it and keep a lid on it. It doesn’t happen often and these are the days they remember

Original poster
NannaNoodleman · 08/08/2019 20:15

There are easier meals and we've been having easier meals but today I was cooking something nice.

OP posts:
Original poster
NannaNoodleman · 08/08/2019 20:15

I absolutely do not want my toddlers napping in a car before bed. They'd be up all night!

OP posts:
Cocobean30 · 08/08/2019 20:16

It is your house, tell them to get s grip or leave

Butchyrestingface · 08/08/2019 20:16

I cook both lunch and dinner as my guests eat a cooked meal at both mealtimes.

Whyyyyyyy?

Well, if they’re not even talking to you now, at least that can stop.

Original poster
NannaNoodleman · 08/08/2019 20:16

This isn't one day... it's been a week of late nights and going with the flow. My children were broken today.

OP posts:
stucknoue · 08/08/2019 20:17

Your parents were probably hosting the other guests, they couldn't just leave them, the kids aren't going to have major issues with one extra hour. It would sound like a summons home to me too

AngelasAshes · 08/08/2019 20:17

So, if your kids fall asleep in the car what do you do? I find that weird. Every parent I know has had their toddler fall asleep in the car on occasion.

Swipe left for the next trending thread