don't know what I've done wrong. Help me see the error of my ways...

[NannaNoodleman]

Family visiting from abroad, staying in our house, they're very welcome.

They wanted to go out to a certain place this afternoon but I was cooking dinner for everyone and clearing up lunch pots. So they went out and I stayed home.

Two cars: 4 adults and 4 children.

I called at 5pm and asked what time they'd be home and was told they wouldn't be setting off for another hour.

I asked my parents to bring my kids home sooner as they're tired and I wanted them to be in bed at a reasonable time tonight.

Well... it's caused a massive hoohah!!!

I've been told that they're on holiday and don't want to be summoned back for dinner at a certain time. There's been an argument and I'm being ignored!

• this is also my holiday (we stay in England for the summer so we can see them when they visit).
• they could've told me they didn't want dinner when I stayed home to cook it.
• I wasn't asking them to come back.
• I thought they were here to see us.
• my house is not a b&b.
• my children are so tired from many late nights that they've been crying at everything today.

So, why am I the villain?

What

I hope you defended your cat getting called names. Poor thing.

Being nosey I’m intrigued to know how their farewell went.... did they thank you profusely? Wished you well for your upcoming hospital appointment?

I’m kind of hoping they ask to return, just so you can say no! Lol

No need for tears OP, you've been a shining example to your kids - remember that. Keeping one's counsel, even if all of MN know, isn't easy when you've got what sounds like a domineering and attention seeking sibling. I take my hat off to you.

Sounds like your dcat has saved you from future visits..
Far too vicious for snowflake guests!!
True when they say dpets know a baddun!!

Standard 80s parenting: slightly shit food for dinner (an era when convenience meals became popular), being left to play outside unsupervised (we lived in a small cul de sac), hand-me-down clothes that were cheap and worn ... maybe a lot of the 80s parenting was because parents weren't well off and new clothes and eating out was a lot more expensive in the 80s.

Sibling has expressed resentment at our appearance as children but shellsuits were all the rage. That when we went out for the day we always had shit pack up lunches (which might explain the fear of sandwiches)!!

Sibling has criticised parents for feeding us convenience food a lot as children and not cooking from scratch.

“LighteningSam

I don't think you;re being unreasonable at all, but I also think grandparents etc very quickly forget what it is like having young children. Mine are a nightmare if we change the bedtime routine so I would have said the same thing to them. Sorry for some of the replies you're getting though!!“

Exactly this.
Sending you a big hug - really shocked by some of the replies you are getting tbh.

The farewell was centred around hugs and kisses for the children... always a good distraction.

Kiss on the cheek to sibling and spouse, kiss on the cheek to mother but she went for a hug so I hugged her back, father gave me a hug and the whisper.

No thank yous but a bottle of fizz has been left.

OP, I think you behaved fine throughout. But I also think you were too accommodating. I’ve had a houseful of people when my DCs were toddlers, but I did not have the worry of medical issues hanging over me. It was still really hard to tolerate the guests’ inevitable selfish messing around, however, and now I just wouldn’t be so hospitable in the first place. Your guests really behaved abominably, but it sound like you’ve figured out what to do.

OMFG your parents made you packed lunches and made you wear shell suits!!! Well that’s child abuse right there. (Sarcasm).
Your sibling is an ungrateful fruit loop.

No you have a perfect opportunity to say that since your sibling and their family were unhappy with stay at yours they can rent Air BnB or hotel..
As you would like to spend quality time with them, rather than forcing them to conform to your meal ect.

What’s the deal with your SIL/BIL in all this, out of curiosity? They seem to be as much of a dick as your sibling - are they complicit in this behaviour? Or too bullies themselves to stand up to them?

TBH I would NOT have them stay again - unless I had a conversation BEFORE regarding meals etc. I would not like to be used as a B&B. Make other arrangements next holiday - cooking for loads of people is not a holiday for you

*bullied

It's strange isn't as I remember thinking that we were obviously poor because mum & dad couldn't really afford convenience food so we had mostly meals cooked from scratch.

But thinking back it was mostly friends with both parents working who had more convenience food.

I also remember thinking who awful to have to go somewhere else after school because your mum was at work & couldn't be there.

Ah fair enough @NannaNoodleman - yes, the 70s were very expensive with skyrocketing interest rates etc. Maybe the 80s were too.

I was wondering how you and your sibling were treated emotionally.

In any case, although my sibling and I suffered differently at the hands of our parents, fortunately we acknowledge each other’s suffering and it brought us closer. Your sibling seems to have forgotten all his manners somewhere along the way and thinks it’s acceptable to treat you like staff. It’s not.

You're being a bit of a victim.

Standard 80's parenting if you ask me. Shell suits, sandwiches and kit kats all the rage back then

Crack open the fizz!!

Your brother feels that he had a bad childhood because he wore a shellsuit. PMSL.

I was expecting you to say he was smacked a lot, or dad was never in, or got told to be a man and never cry etc... but convenience food, hand me down clothes and freedom to play? Your brother is nuts. Why would he care he was fed convenience food.

another yanbu in the circumstances op. I'd be completely on the same page as you. glad they've gone and you can relax

I'm PMSL at the fact that your sibling thinks he had such a deprived childhood because you had to take your own packed lunches and wear a shellsuit - in the 1980s. He really needs to get a grip.

I am stunned that your sibling is so rude and unappreciative not only of you as a good hostess but of his or her parents (am not assuming it is brother). I am guessing your parents were trying to keep the peace and as you are the more obliging sibling they figured stay on side with the disgruntled ungrateful one. No way would I be doing 2 hot meals a day for guests and definitely not family when you have 2 toddlers. I think the issue on the Thursday was unacceptable behaviour from them when they knew you were cooking but the silent treatment is just over the top. I am afraid I would have said something to them as you are setting a precedent that he or she can just walk all over you. Alternatively you can avoid them for the rest of your life I guess and never have them to stay but bullies need to be stood up to.

Sibling and spouse choose to live a very organic, non-chemical household and criticise my parents for using polish and toilet cleaner etc. Sibling thinks parents were poisoning us as children. It's the same opinion with convenience food.

In honesty, sometimes growing up with a mother with MH difficulties wasn't easy but we had a loving family and our dad was always present and hands on.

Sometimes it seems like sibling wants parents to be perfect and can't cope with them being imperfect.

OP I’ve been following and I feel a bit emotional they’ve gone too!

I’m sorry they were such hard work. Well done for getting through it.