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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

don't know what I've done wrong. Help me see the error of my ways...

670 replies

NannaNoodleman · 08/08/2019 19:38

Family visiting from abroad, staying in our house, they're very welcome.

They wanted to go out to a certain place this afternoon but I was cooking dinner for everyone and clearing up lunch pots. So they went out and I stayed home.

Two cars: 4 adults and 4 children.

I called at 5pm and asked what time they'd be home and was told they wouldn't be setting off for another hour.

I asked my parents to bring my kids home sooner as they're tired and I wanted them to be in bed at a reasonable time tonight.

Well... it's caused a massive hoohah!!!

I've been told that they're on holiday and don't want to be summoned back for dinner at a certain time. There's been an argument and I'm being ignored!

  • this is also my holiday (we stay in England for the summer so we can see them when they visit).
  • they could've told me they didn't want dinner when I stayed home to cook it.
  • I wasn't asking them to come back.
  • I thought they were here to see us.
  • my house is not a b&b.
  • my children are so tired from many late nights that they've been crying at everything today.

So, why am I the villain?

OP posts:
Sirzy · 08/08/2019 19:41

Did you not discuss that stuff before they went out?

NoBaggyPants · 08/08/2019 19:43

Sounds like the children are having fun so happy to stay out. They can have a lie in tomorrow to make up for it.

Can they heat up dinner when they get back?

DisplayPurposesOnly · 08/08/2019 19:44

I don't think you were wrong, but I don't see why you didn't agree a dinner time with them before they went out? "Right, dinner's at 6pm so please make sure you are back in good time."

I expect they felt bounced into returning, but still there's no reason for them to kick off.

Original poster
NannaNoodleman · 08/08/2019 19:44

Discuss what stuff?

They knew I was cooking dinner for them. We didn't discuss dinner time but I wasn't dictating their dinner time, just when I wanted my own children to be home.

OP posts:
StarShapedWindow · 08/08/2019 19:46

They’re cross because you’re breaking up the party for the sake of 1 extra hour.

Original poster
NannaNoodleman · 08/08/2019 19:46

The children have had a week of late nights. They've been so tired today so I'm not really bothered how much fun they're having they need to go to bed (they're 2&3).

I said I'd do their dinner for when they come back and to just let me know when they're on their way.

OP posts:
Butchyrestingface · 08/08/2019 19:47

- I wasn't asking them to come back

I don’t understand. How were the kids going to get home if the grandparents didn’t bring them? Confused

Dinner time should have been discussed before they set off.

MsSquiz · 08/08/2019 19:49

If you wanted the kids home for a certain time, that should have been discussed before they went out. Rather than call at 5 to ask when they'd be back and then not agreeing with their response.

If everyone wanted to go to a certain place, I don't understand why you stayed at home to cook dinner? Surely you could have gone with them and done something else for dinner that didn't take all afternoon?

Sirzy · 08/08/2019 19:49

I said I'd do their dinner for when they come back and to just let me know when they're on their way.

So why say this if 5pm is such a key cut off time?

Original poster
NannaNoodleman · 08/08/2019 19:50

Maybe they felt forced into returning or I was ruining the party. I said I'd do theirs for when they get back... I truly wasn't forcing them home.

One hour at bedtime for overtired preschoolers is sometimes the breaking point though. I don't want another tired day of diffusing tantrums!

OP posts:
MsSquiz · 08/08/2019 19:51

@NannaNoodleman you changed the goal posts.

You asked them to let you know when they were on their way back. You then rang to ask when they'd be back. They told you. You asked them to come back earlier...

If you wanted the children (and therefore, the adults) back by a certain time, you should have told them earlier

DerelictWreck · 08/08/2019 19:52

I'm quite surprised at the replies - I don't think you're being unreasonable at all.

Having said that I'm surprised there was no conversation about bringing the kids back before bed time? Is their other parent with them?

I also would be having any of this - they get to all go out for fun while you cook and clean for everyone?! Bad enough but for them to then not even show is so rude

titchy · 08/08/2019 19:53

Well they were forced into coming back when you said - they could hardly dump the kids in a taxi....

PutyourtoponTrevor · 08/08/2019 19:53

Well you told them you wanted the kids back, they couldn't come on their own so yes, you were dictating to them. You should have agreed a time for dinner prior to everyone going out

Original poster
NannaNoodleman · 08/08/2019 19:53

There's two cars.

When they mentioned going to the place I'd already starting prepping the dinner so I said I'd finish prepping and cooking the longer to cook bits... I don't find it that easy catering for 10 people.

The ingredients had been bought for dinner. It wasn't a secret dinner.

OP posts:
Prawnofthepatriarchy · 08/08/2019 19:53

Sorry, but YABU.

Original poster
NannaNoodleman · 08/08/2019 19:55

2 cars: 4 adults and 4 children.

I asked my parents to bring my children back. The holidaying/visiting family could've stayed out.

OP posts:
fedup21 · 08/08/2019 19:55

Why didn’t you discuss his beforehand-why did they go out without you? Why were you cooking a meal at lunchtime if you were going out-what’s wring with a sandwich? If you were cooking at lunchtime, you don’t need to cook at dinner time as well?

Why didn’t you discuss in the morning what was going to happen that day?

It’s impossible to say what’s going on. Would your parents say they wanted to go out at 11 but you insisted on cooking and then washing up a roast despite nobody wanting to eat a big meal then so they went without you?

Original poster
NannaNoodleman · 08/08/2019 19:56

I messaged the holiday makers and said "let me know when you're on your way back and I'll finish off your dinner".

My children were with their grandparents.

OP posts:
Original poster
NannaNoodleman · 08/08/2019 19:59

I'd cooked lunch. I was cleaning up lunch pots.

I was prepping a meal for 10 people with 4 different dietary requirements. So precooking some stuff etc.

As I was clearing lunch stuff and prepping dinner they said "oh shall we go to that place while the weather is nice".

OP posts:
Sirzy · 08/08/2019 19:59

So if you wanted your children back by a specific time why didn’t you specify that?

You waved them all off together but seem to have expected some use of mind reading to know you wanted them to split up

Original poster
NannaNoodleman · 08/08/2019 19:59

I cook both lunch and dinner as my guests eat a cooked meal at both mealtimes.

OP posts:
TixieLix · 08/08/2019 20:01

I don't think YABU if they knew you were making dinner before they even mentioned going to this place. They should also be able to see that late nights all week for such young children is not a good idea. In future though it would be good to agree in advance what time you want your children back so that there is no misunderstanding.

fedup21 · 08/08/2019 20:02

cook both lunch and dinner as my guests eat a cooked meal at both mealtimes

They wouldn’t if I was in charge! You must never have time to go anywhere!

Original poster
NannaNoodleman · 08/08/2019 20:03

I'd (wrongly) assumed they were only going for a couple of hours as they'd implied they'd be home by the time my DH got home from work.

I should've said I wanted the kids home by a certain time. That's probably where it all went tits up.

But I'm still not sure it warrants the level of shit I'm receiving... in my own home... when I've tried to make everything nice!

OP posts: