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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

don't know what I've done wrong. Help me see the error of my ways...

670 replies

NannaNoodleman · 08/08/2019 19:38

Family visiting from abroad, staying in our house, they're very welcome.

They wanted to go out to a certain place this afternoon but I was cooking dinner for everyone and clearing up lunch pots. So they went out and I stayed home.

Two cars: 4 adults and 4 children.

I called at 5pm and asked what time they'd be home and was told they wouldn't be setting off for another hour.

I asked my parents to bring my kids home sooner as they're tired and I wanted them to be in bed at a reasonable time tonight.

Well... it's caused a massive hoohah!!!

I've been told that they're on holiday and don't want to be summoned back for dinner at a certain time. There's been an argument and I'm being ignored!

  • this is also my holiday (we stay in England for the summer so we can see them when they visit).
  • they could've told me they didn't want dinner when I stayed home to cook it.
  • I wasn't asking them to come back.
  • I thought they were here to see us.
  • my house is not a b&b.
  • my children are so tired from many late nights that they've been crying at everything today.

So, why am I the villain?

OP posts:
Original poster
NannaNoodleman · 08/08/2019 20:18

I should've communicated that I wanted the kids in bed at bedtime tonight.

But they knew I was cooking their dinner, they could've said "oh don't bother, we'll get something while we're out".

OP posts:
Original poster
NannaNoodleman · 08/08/2019 20:18

Not a chance I'd let them fall asleep in the car. If they nap in the car, we're done for!

OP posts:
Cloudyyy · 08/08/2019 20:19

Oh I would hate this too!!! You’ve stayed behind to cook all afternoon and then demanding they cut their outing in he sunshin short to bring your kids back?! I’d be really annoyed. You should have gone with them and brought kids back yourself if that was the priority over the dinner. I can’t stand it when someone cooking dinner has to dictate the days activities... especially when I don’t really care about the food and would be happier eating a quick salad if it meant longer enjoying my day out!!! Just chill out!!!

TayoTheLittleBus · 08/08/2019 20:20

How do you stop them?? What’s your secret??

RosaWaiting · 08/08/2019 20:20

OP, so your parents have had a massive go at you for asking to bring home your dc a bit earlier?

Even there was a misunderstanding, that’s not on, they should not be shouting at you.

Quartz2208 · 08/08/2019 20:20

what is the normal dynamic as you appear to be the scapegoat here for everything - the person who does everything for them and does as they are told

You are allowed a viewpoint here you are not a hotel they are your guests

Have you always been the villian of the family (is the other family your sibling)

Original poster
NannaNoodleman · 08/08/2019 20:21

I hope you tell your host that @Cloudyyy so they don't waste an afternoon cooking food specially for your dietary requirements!

OP posts:
PinkFlowerFairy · 08/08/2019 20:21

Id be really annoyed too if wed gone for a family trip out and even taken the kods with us ti be summoned back. Holidays arent everyday, nor is meerting family so Id want to make the most of it.if you were there and started saying "the kids look tired shall we go back?" Thats one thing but it sounds like they were all fine and enjoying themselves and got summoned back.

Cloudyyy · 08/08/2019 20:22

I absolutely would do!! Would loathe being summoned home at 5pm! Rude!

Original poster
NannaNoodleman · 08/08/2019 20:22

@TayoTheLittleBus I talk at them and play games... getting them to look for things etc.

OP posts:
Original poster
NannaNoodleman · 08/08/2019 20:22

Parents had a go at me, guests had a go at me, got ignored...

Feel sick!

OP posts:
PinkFlowerFairy · 08/08/2019 20:23

Ever so rude. You'd said to ring and let them know when they were cominv back, but then changed the plan and caused a fuss over one hour.

Original poster
NannaNoodleman · 08/08/2019 20:24

Well they didn't say that... they knew I was cooking!

OP posts:
PinkFlowerFairy · 08/08/2019 20:24

Just apologise and say you realise yoire getting a bit up tight - maybe say the cookings getting to you a bit can someone else do it the next day?

Original poster
NannaNoodleman · 08/08/2019 20:25

Nope...

I rang to ask for my children home but told the guests they could come back whenever.

OP posts:
Original poster
NannaNoodleman · 08/08/2019 20:25

It's has been everyday.. for a week!!

OP posts:
ladymariner · 08/08/2019 20:26

Yabu, and coming across as a martyr. You didn't have to cook both lunch and dinner, that's totally over the top, and if you wanted the children back at a particular time you should have said.
Anyway, you've made a bit of a fool of yourself but it's done now. Get yourself downstairs, and try and get things back on an even keel. All the time you're hiding away in your room (how old are you??) you're making things worse. It's a row, get over it.

Apolloanddaphne · 08/08/2019 20:26

How would the children be able to return home without the guests?

carlywurly · 08/08/2019 20:27

Op, I totally sympathise. We live in a holiday area and I remember being in a similar position so many times when the dcs were little. Even the nicest people can make dreadful guests.

It sounds like they're now out staying their welcome a bit. I always get teasy after 4 or 5 days.

Original poster
NannaNoodleman · 08/08/2019 20:28

I didn't cause a fuss... I asked for my children to come home. I wasn't met with disagreement. Parents came home and told me off!!!

I messaged guests and said to let me know when they're on they're way home so I could finish off their dinner and was met with another argument.

OP posts:
K1ssIt · 08/08/2019 20:29

Could it be your parents also want to spend time with the visiting family, are the children in the visiting family their grandchildren for example who they don't see as often as your children and part of their annoyance is you cutting the time short so you have a sibling pissed if with you for cutting the time spent with their children short as you've expected your parents to leave to bring you children home?

I can see why that would be annoying to both your parents and the visiting family if the visiting family and their children are also family to your parents.

Saying that I don't think you're unreasonable to want young children in bed at their usual time after a week of late nights starts showing in their behaviour. If your family dynamic is usually a healthy one I'd maybe just apologise for the crosses wires RE your toddlers bedtimes and forget about it but if there's a pattern then maybe having family to stay with you in future isn't a good idea dynamics wise.

Original poster
NannaNoodleman · 08/08/2019 20:29

Read the thread and you'll see how the children could get home Hmm

OP posts:
MrHaroldFry · 08/08/2019 20:29

I hear you OP. My twins were like nettles if they didn't sleep well at ages 2 and 3.
Don't feel bad or sick. You were trying to do the right thing by everyone by making a home cooked meal for four different dietary requirements. As they saying goes🙄, you can't do right for doing wrong.
Walk in, say hello to everyone. If someone kicks off have a few phrases ready and don't start any sentence with 'I'm sorry'
Perhaps try 'that viewpoint is intriguing, my take is this...' or just silence can be really effective.

silver1977 · 08/08/2019 20:29

I can't believe some of the responses on here...it doesn't sound like you are summoning them home at all to me. You simply want an idea of time as you are trying to cook all their meals!!! They are being very rude and expectant to think that will just be ready when they are ready! I feel they should have said to you to forget dinner and go with them, not accept you staying behind and missing out on the fun to cook their dinner! Even if you insisted that was ok they should have checked what time you were aiming for it to be ready for, not expect you to keep it waiting for them whenever they decide to get back!

If I was them I would be worried I'd been cheeky by staying out too late and messing the dinner you'd been working so hard to prepare! Not the other way around. They have 2 children too so should understand the need for a decent bedtime thing.

Also if they are being put up by you for their stay they should be out in the kitchen helping or asking if they can do anything, not sitting sulking watching tv! You should not feel bad OP

I would go down, ask if they had a nice time and say you were simply asking for an idea of the time they'd be back so you could time dinner well, say "I wasn't expecting you all to come back yet, just the kids and GP's as they're so tired" etc. It is your house, they should be more appreciative guests.

Original poster
NannaNoodleman · 08/08/2019 20:30

I'm not hiding. I'm putting the kids to bed and tidying up. I don't normally go down until kids are asleep so this isn't something out of the ordinary.

OP posts: