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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

don't know what I've done wrong. Help me see the error of my ways...

670 replies

NannaNoodleman · 08/08/2019 19:38

Family visiting from abroad, staying in our house, they're very welcome.

They wanted to go out to a certain place this afternoon but I was cooking dinner for everyone and clearing up lunch pots. So they went out and I stayed home.

Two cars: 4 adults and 4 children.

I called at 5pm and asked what time they'd be home and was told they wouldn't be setting off for another hour.

I asked my parents to bring my kids home sooner as they're tired and I wanted them to be in bed at a reasonable time tonight.

Well... it's caused a massive hoohah!!!

I've been told that they're on holiday and don't want to be summoned back for dinner at a certain time. There's been an argument and I'm being ignored!

  • this is also my holiday (we stay in England for the summer so we can see them when they visit).
  • they could've told me they didn't want dinner when I stayed home to cook it.
  • I wasn't asking them to come back.
  • I thought they were here to see us.
  • my house is not a b&b.
  • my children are so tired from many late nights that they've been crying at everything today.

So, why am I the villain?

OP posts:
Teachermaths · 08/08/2019 20:59

Gosh op you're getting a beating here.

Sounds like a miscommunication between you and your parents. Then your parents were rude to have a go at you.

As for the guests, I wouldn't cook for them again.

I'd go downstairs, apologise for not making it clear you wanted the children back for bedtime however make it clear you are expecting an apology for how your parents spoke to you.

The guests, ask why they are so rude to someone who is hosting them.

Original poster
NannaNoodleman · 08/08/2019 20:59

I do let the kids stay up late but this has been all week and they were so tired today. We're going to an event tomorrow and I didn't want them to be tired all day.

OP posts:
thecatinthetwat · 08/08/2019 21:00

Oh I see, you didn’t want the kids to go. That’s quite different then.

Can I ask why though? That seems odd?

Drum2018 · 08/08/2019 21:01

I'd tell them to piss off to a hotel for the rest of their stay and I definitely wouldnt be cooking for them again.

StarShapedWindow · 08/08/2019 21:01

NannaNoodleman, don’t worry, you haven’t done anything wrong, you’re a good host. It will all be forgotten in the morning.

Original poster
NannaNoodleman · 08/08/2019 21:02

My dad is taking us all out for dinner tomorrow night and we'd agreed I'm cook tonight.

We've had other meals out and I've done a few microwave dinners.

The holiday guests will not eat sandwiches as a meal.

OP posts:
beestripey · 08/08/2019 21:03

Its NOT you OP. Its them. Offering to cook is not being a martyr, it is nice, but it is however pretty rude of everyone else to bugger off spontaneously and leave you to do it all. Damn right they should have said if they didn't want dinner.

And the kids are so young, of course you would assume they'd be home at a normal hour and for dinner. It was already arranged.. they changed.

I can't believe people are making you the bad guy. Its messed up. Don't you dare apologise! YANBU Flowers

Maemar · 08/08/2019 21:04

Yanbu. They are being so rude with their reaction. I can't understand why anyone would feel that it's ok to treat their host the way they are treating you, especially after the efforts you have gone to. Seeing as the first issue was caused by miscommunication, I think maybe try to get them to understand and explain to them how they have made you feel. Hopefully you can still enjoy the event tomorrow.

Original poster
NannaNoodleman · 08/08/2019 21:04

Why I didn't want them to go? Because they were shattered.

Why did I let them go? Because everyone said "oh let them go, they'll have a lovely time"

OP posts:
flouncyfanny · 08/08/2019 21:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

7yo7yo · 08/08/2019 21:04

Your all at fault here.

  1. You didn’t specify what time you wanted kids home.
  2. YOU wanted to cook lunch and dinner so you did.
  3. Your the parent. If you say the kids aren’t going then they aren’t going. No matter who insists what.

However they are also
In the wrong in the way they are treating you and I wouldn’t like my kids napping in the car.
I suggest next visit you recommend an Airbnb or a hotel and meet up out of the house so you can get home with your kids at the time that suits you.

thecatinthetwat · 08/08/2019 21:05

So you had planned to cook two meals today for 10 people and also preferred to have your two and three year old home with you.

Are you fucking kidding me??? You are unbelievably competent!

Seriously though, why on earth would you do that, how could it possibly work?

pictish · 08/08/2019 21:06

It’s cumulative effect of all spending a week together OP. Few are immune to it.

Original poster
NannaNoodleman · 08/08/2019 21:06

If the tables were turned and we were staying with them and they asked us to bring their children home, we wouldn't bat an eye!

I'd also have the manners to say what time we'll be back and not get pissy when asked!

OP posts:
MissSueDenim · 08/08/2019 21:06

Oh and 2 cooked meals for 10 people a day is utter madness!

It sounds like OP only has 4 guests staying with her though, the other 6 people are OP’s own family (herself, DH & her 2 DC’s) & OP’s parents who may or may not be eating two meals a day with them. It also sounds like her guests have only been with her a week & out of that week have happily spent a few days of eating out and a few microwave meals.

Original poster
NannaNoodleman · 08/08/2019 21:07

I didn't realise cooking for guests was being a martyr!!

OP posts:
beestripey · 08/08/2019 21:07

So the guest are batshit and unreasonably had a go at your parents for no good reason, and your parents took it out on you. That's just plain mean :(

Get rid of the guests I say. They sound awful.

AntonsMumsTeeth · 08/08/2019 21:09

Poor you OP. Honestly I'd be glad they're being shitty to me as I'd give it right back to them!

Too late now but you should've insisted your kids stay at home with you today. If the guests refuse to eat sandwiches there's no way I'd cook for them and certainly not twice a day. Just tell them they're not welcome again. More trouble than its worth!

Ginger1982 · 08/08/2019 21:11

Who actually ARE the holiday party? Are they your aunt/uncle? Distant relative? Depending on who they are would probably influence how I dealt with them from now on.

Original poster
NannaNoodleman · 08/08/2019 21:11

At least these responses have shown what my family and guests are thinking. I hadn't even thought people could be so rude and egocentric.

My host is cooking, I don't want to eat her food but I won't tell her... I don't want to tell her what time I'll be home despite this being her home and not a hotel... she's a twat for wanting to know.

OP posts:
goldfinchfan · 08/08/2019 21:11

OP I am on your side. I think your guests are being very selfish......those kids are very young and should have been brought home for bedtime. After a week of late nights you might then have a struggle to get them back to a normal routine.
Also they don't seem to care about how much effort you have made.
They are staying for free in your home and they get all entitled about their holiday!
Then they can stay at a B&B instead if that's their attitude.
I am hope things improve and do not feel bad you did nothing wrong.

pictish · 08/08/2019 21:12

Yes...those foibles that bloody other people have...they start to bubble to the surface after simmering in the same pot for a while.

FattyPeddledFuriously999 · 08/08/2019 21:12

YABU if the difference of being back by 5pm and not 6pm was so important you should have said to them before leaving, sounds like you are being controlling.

LatteLove · 08/08/2019 21:13

YANBU

tell them to go to a hotel if they expect the benefits of getting to call the shots as to when dinner is. They sound awful.

Original poster
NannaNoodleman · 08/08/2019 21:16

Cooking for 10 isn't too bad when it's pasta (big pot: veg pasta sauce, add meat for carnivore portion, leave off cheese for CMPA portion, use gluten free pasta for one portion etc) - same with curry and shepherds pie.

But it still takes a bit of prep!

OP posts: