To have a FWB when pregnant?

[GirlOnIt]

More would I be than am I, because I’ve not done anything yet.
I’m obviously single, split with baby’s dad and have been chatting with a FWB, but just as friends. Last night he got a bit flirty in his chat and suggested he’d be open to us resuming the benefits part of our friendship. I’m tempted because I do really miss sex, but feel it’s a bit off to sleep with someone who’s not my baby’s father while I’m pregnant.

I don’t know if to just give it a go and if it feels weird then say, nope I’ve changed my mind. I know him well enough to know that wouldn’t be a problem at all.

And he’s definitely single and we’d obviously use condoms.

How is it a danger to the babie's health?!

He's pretty great @Whosorrynow. When is realistic to be wanting to get at it after a baby? You think I can ask him to keep his diary empty in about 9 months time?

Me and my ex were doing it up the day before Ds was born @ChocolateCroissants. I'm 6 months now but not very big, bit of a bump but if I'm in loose clothes people can't really tell. Was the same with Ds, never got huge with him.
I'm still going running and to the gym too, so I'm active.

the feeling of 'its a bit icky but I can't put my finger on why' is the result of societal conditioning.

You can't understand the why, because there is no why....we all just harbour these deep seated implicit biases against women with multiple partners, women who are single while pregnant, women who are sexually liberated, or who actively appear to want sex at all, and against the idea of sexual active pregnant women most of all.

There is nothing wrong with any of these things AT ALL. But when we were kids we internalized the monogamous hetero-normative married before having kids model, and we get creeped out just a little bit when people appear happy to exist outside of it.

OP, if I were you I would bring all that repressed judeo-christian morality bulshit out of your subconscious and into the conscious where you can judge it for what it is, then go have (safe) sex if you damn well want to!

I kind of think people who only see pregnant women as the “pregnant” bit are creepy as fuck

Agree with this! Some of the comments on this thread are downright disgusting. So much internalised misogyny on display.

Someone always pops up on one of these threads to say "concentrate on your baby". What the fuck does that mean? Are pregnant women supposed to give up absolutely everything in their lives and sit at home concentrating on their baby 24/7. I mean, is going to work OK because you know, you won't be concentrating on the baby, you'll be working. Is sitting down to watch a film OK, again you won't be concentrating on the baby. Or is it just anything that a pregnant woman wants to do, for her own enjoyment, that means she is selfish? Seems that way.

Brilliant post M3lon

I think it's a great idea. Go for it! You'll be so knackered when the baby gets here, you won't have much energy for sex, so you might as well enjoy it while you do. He sounds lovely.

IMO FWB is usually what happens when one person wants sex and the other a relationship, eventually.

Either get yourself a good set of sex toys or learn to live without sex for a few months.

People do, you know.

Pregnant women have needs too! Go for it.

Thanks jacques - I got myself so riled up writing that, I'm actually reconsidered getting some sex myself....I thought I'd given up on the idea 5 years ago....because society also thinks fat ugly people with mental health problems definitely shouldn't have sex....it'd be icky!

M3lon

I hear you. I’m a single-parent. I don’t want/need a relationship. You should see some of the comments (and indeed abusive PMs) I have received over having a FWB.

Yuck. It’s 9 months-1 year out if your life. He could be carrying anything 🤢

You see I'm the opposite @NottonightJosepheen. My ex has well and truly put me off the notion of 'the one' or being head over heels in love. Nah, it's all bullshit. I'd rather someone honestly saying he wants a regular fuck, than someone claiming he can't live without me.

I'm done with love and romance and all that crap. Good conversation, good shag and fuck off to their own home till next time. That will be the extent of my future live life.

So could anyone's husband/partner to be fair @brightfutureahead. Maybe sex while pregnant should be banned for the baby's sake?

He could be carrying anything

Luckily, OP is a mature consenting adult who, I have no doubt, is capable of using appropriate protection.

I personally would do it

I get that you want a fwb but it seems a bit disrespectful on his part. Of all the women around he had to choose one that's pregnant? I do suspect he has some kind of fetish which may even be subconscious

And it's like your right near another mans kid. I just find that disrespectful idk why, but not for you cos I do understand you still have desires.

And an fwb has zero obligation to be exclusive. You don't know who's he's with and a condom doesn't protect against everything.

Personally I would find it OK if I were in a relationship with this other man. I.e. someone who I knew cared about me and the baby and wanted to look after us. Wouldn't do it with someone who only wanted sex.

YANBU. As long as you use protection, I don't see the issue. This is someone you have known for a long time, not a complete stranger.

I'd be very interested to know whether the people crying "icky" and "grim" are against the idea of FWB altogether, or is it just during pregnancy? Also, do they find the idea of sex in pregnancy a "bit icky" in general, regardless of who it's with?

This makes me feel queasy. And I would honestly wonder about a man who'd be happy to have sex with a woman carrying another man's child.

Also, it's normal for parents to have sex in the room at night when baby's asleep.
But most people would find it a bit odd if a man who's not the father had sex with a single mum with her baby in the room🤷🏻‍♀️

Sounds fine to me, @GirlOnIt

I would definitely go for it if that's what you want.

Unbelievable that there are women here criticising another woman for considering doing something perfectly safe and normal like having sex!

Totally agree, M3lon. And all the "another man's child" comments are grim (as though people think the OP's ex has a territorial claim over her body because he got her pregnant).