To have a FWB when pregnant?

[GirlOnIt]

More would I be than am I, because I’ve not done anything yet.
I’m obviously single, split with baby’s dad and have been chatting with a FWB, but just as friends. Last night he got a bit flirty in his chat and suggested he’d be open to us resuming the benefits part of our friendship. I’m tempted because I do really miss sex, but feel it’s a bit off to sleep with someone who’s not my baby’s father while I’m pregnant.

I don’t know if to just give it a go and if it feels weird then say, nope I’ve changed my mind. I know him well enough to know that wouldn’t be a problem at all.

And he’s definitely single and we’d obviously use condoms.

Go for it, so long as you use protection the no one else should care. Those saying YABU have outdated views in my opinion!

It's fine. You're both consenting adults, you can do what you want.

I'm no prude, but this just seems icky.

I’d be worried about the condom splitting and STI’s, which is really dodgy while pregnant.

Would find a man a bit creepy that wants to sleep with a pregnant woman when its not his baby

Also what snug said^

FWBs work really well for lone parents who don't want a relationship but still want sex.

I'd say hold off on a relationship but not a FWB situation.

It only seems wrong to some because of attitudes around women's sexual behaviour and how it should be curtailed.

It's far healthier to admit it's sex you want and go for it than to saddle yourself with a relationship.

"Would find a man a bit creepy that wants to sleep with a pregnant woman when its not his baby"

Why? Shouldn't pregnant women still be seen as attractive?

Seems a bit grim to me to be honest.

Sooooo grim

That’s what I feel like @Bezalelle. It’s a bit icky. But when we were talking and flirting it felt so good and I did forget that, so wonder if in the moment it would feel ok.

He’s not creepy at all though and I really don’t think it’s some pregnancy fantasy thing for him. He’s not a fan of one night stands because he likes something more connection wise and he’s recently single too. He’s also despite us staying friends, never ever made any pass or even flirty chat/comments while either of us have been in relationships. He’s very good with his boundaries, that’s what I like and what worked so well for us in the past.

It's your body, do whatever you want just practice safe sex and protect your emotional well-being.

Go for it! He sounds great and pregnant sex is amazing. Stay safe, make sure you feel comfy, don’t get involved

What is it that feels creepy about a man having sex with a woman who is pregnant with another man's child?
Do we feel as if the presence of the other man's child has somehow staked a claim on the woman's body and the other man is trespassing on her body
Sort of like if you go to the moon and put a flag in it it belongs to you and no other country can come along and claim it?
As if a woman's body is the world West and whoever gets there first can own it?

Just tacky

I wouldn't personally do this, but if you think you can deal with it and it's what you want then go for it, just make sure you are protected from STDs. My friend had a FWB while pregnant and him being an arse caused her so much extra stress she didn't need when already dealing with the shit from the father of her child. I understand that it's really shit being lonely and pregnant, and you want something to give you a boost, but relying on someone else is risky as there is also the potential for hurtful behaviour.

Your FWB sounds decent, respectful and enlightened. You say he’d understand if you gave it a try and found it didn’t work for you. On that basis, all seems fine. How do you see it continuing when the baby comes? Genuine question here, absolutely no judgement.

for reasons that would stand up to no scrutiny whatsoever I think this sounds really grim.

I can't believe so many people have voted that YABU. Would they also say it's UR to have sex with the babies father? If not, why? Because the bump is somehow more attractive if it's got his baby inside? (nope, it looks the same - like skin).

Also that makes it sound weird, as if sex during pregnancy always features the man thinking "oh yeah a foetus with my genes is in there, what a turn on". Gross. No, it happens for the usual reasons and with the usual thoughts.

Because the bump is a reminder that you've had sex with other men? That's no secret anyway, the vast majority of people having sex have also had it with previous partners.

What if you have an already born child by another man? Can you have sex with others then? But the child existing is a reminder. Plus what about stretch marks or a cs scar? They are all reminders.

Go ahead and sex if you like. Yes safe sex is never 100% but neither is it with the babies father. Could be cheating, undiagnosed STI, etc.

I did. Amazing sex with my best friend. Ended up being fwb for 3 years. There was a thread a while back though that demonised this so brace yourself for the "grim and disgusting" comments.

Definitely don’t want a relationship for a very long time ever @Ponoka7.

I know I’m being silly it’s my body and if I want sex I should have it. I’d have no issue having sex with my ex (dc’s dad) although that would be worse for my emotional health, hence why I’m not going there. But at the same time I feel a bit weird about the idea. But god I miss sex!

It’s weird and I do wonder why any man wants to shag someone carrying someone else baby, bit weird all round really!

Shagging the man that got you pregnant who’s baby your carrying is completely different, I’m not surprised a fair few people have voted YABU as it is icky

We all have a right to our own personal 'yuck factor' boundaries, but I think we should also look at why we have these reactions.
presumably most people don't have an adverse reaction to the idea of a woman having sex with the father of the baby that she is carrying, so what is it about the idea of having sex with a man who is not the father?
Is this reaction born of protectiveness for the unborn child?