To have a FWB when pregnant?

[GirlOnIt]

More would I be than am I, because I’ve not done anything yet.
I’m obviously single, split with baby’s dad and have been chatting with a FWB, but just as friends. Last night he got a bit flirty in his chat and suggested he’d be open to us resuming the benefits part of our friendship. I’m tempted because I do really miss sex, but feel it’s a bit off to sleep with someone who’s not my baby’s father while I’m pregnant.

I don’t know if to just give it a go and if it feels weird then say, nope I’ve changed my mind. I know him well enough to know that wouldn’t be a problem at all.

And he’s definitely single and we’d obviously use condoms.

Totally your choice but I'd find it too weird personally

@Butterflyone1 stereotypical single mother? dick is right

How about concentrating on the baby inside of you instead of being pumped by yet another man
You speak in extremely derisive terms, you frame sex as an activity which involves men exploiting or abusing women, and you also suggest that it is wrong for women to have multiple sexual partners?
Is this what you believe, can you explain why?

I’ve reported your post @butterflyone1

Whilst the OPs post doesn’t sit 100% comfy with me and others, you’re the only one that’s made your reply an unfounded vicious personal attack.

I’d have no hesitation after the baby’s born, if he’s still single. Although I imagine it will be a while before sex is something I’m thinking about after she arrives.

I’m not disagreeing with those who say it’s a bit icky/gross because I feel like that myself. I just don’t know why and when we were actually talking it didn’t feel like that. So I don’t know if I’m over thinking it and it’s something you’ve just to see how it goes at the time, kind of thing.

Wouldn’t it be equally gross/icky to sleep why my ex who’s the dad? We aren’t in a relationship, but he’d be willing.

It's as if when a woman becomes pregnant she changes from a person with a right to do as she pleases to a vessel for a child, also a territory which has been claimed by the father of the child

@Butterflyone1

Although I do wonder if many people’s revulsion at FWB while pregnant is because deep down they feel the same way but wouldn’t articulate it so bluntly.

OP Id concentrate on your baby.

It’s weird and I do wonder why any man wants to shag someone carrying someone else baby

Because he finds her attractive and isn't focussing on the fact she's pregnant?

You sound like a stereotypical single mother. Wanting D from anyone who will give it.

How about concentrating on the baby growing inside you instead of being pumped by yet another man.

And you sound like an absolute delight. What's up, did a single mother piss in your cornflakes?

@butterflyone1 - what an appalling remark. Shame on you.

OP - go for it! Many women have heightened libido during pregnancy, it’s a shame to let it go to waste. Especially as you might be too exhausted for that kind of thing once the baby is here.

Your choice but I am one who finds this a bit gross.

I can’t see the problem with missing out on sex at least until your pregnancy is over. Sex is great but not the be all and end all of life, you can deal without it for a few more months.

Grow up!

Ironically, the least mature comment so far!

Oh pray tell that a stereotypical single mother is @Butterflyone1? It's been a while since I've heard that kind of bullshit.

Absolutely, definitely not for me but you're not me so go ahead and do what you want. That's all it boils down to really. Whether you want to or not.

@butterflyone1, that's a shameful, misogynistic remark. I find it really quite shocking.

I'm not sure I am comfortable with it so I voted YABU.

But in no way does it make you rotten or wanting D from anyone who will give it - honestly what is wrong with people?! Shocking commented and I hope Mumsnet remove it!

Are people that uneducated that they cannot discuss differing opinions in an AIBU without personal attacks?

How about trying to respect each other and respecting that people have differing views!

What does concentrate on the baby actually mean? How am I not because I'm considering having sex?

I'm happy to hear others opinions because as I've said I feel myself it's a bit weird and I'm not sure. So absolutely no offence at those comments at all. But I don't see why or how it effects my parenting. If I were with her dad I'd be having sex with him, sex isn't harmful to unborn babies is it?

The baby has everything she needs ready, I've sorted out maternity leave, money while on maternity leave, childcare for when I return to work. Can't decide on a name yet as ex is not liking anything I suggest. I'm not sure what else I should be concentrating on.

Its totally your choice. The guy sounds decent, I would personally find it a bit ichy but then again my sex drive is at an all time low!!

I'd go for it OP

I imagine when you're 8 months and huge and knackered and aching neither of you will feel like it any more. But this is (possibly!) the last chance you'll have to make use of your pristine pre-childbirth vagina and probably the only time you can be arsed to do anything for yourself in the next few months.

If it was a stranger I'd be a bit more concerned (eg is it a pregnancy fetish) but someone you know and you like and that you know would stop if it didn't feel right...why wouldn't you!? Just because some strangers on the internet say its 'icky'? All of us probably do things in our sex lives that would make others feel 'icky' if we told them!

I think you should no real reason not to. It's not like you'll be able to have much when baby is here. It's a personal choice though

I'm not sure I would do the same in your situation, OP but I wouldn't judge you for having sex while pregnant. I think the expectations society places on expectant Mother's to ignore their own wants and needs and exist simply as a vessel for their baby is ridiculous. As long as you use protection so you're not putting yourself or your baby at risk then I don't see why anyone would judge you.

One thing to keep in mind though, as your pregnancy progresses your hormones are going to be all over the place. So even though you seem very clear right now that this would be a FWB situation and not a relationship, these things can get complicated. Even under normal circumstances FWB can become tricky when one person isn't sure what they want or suddenly wants more and feelings find their way into what was supposed to be just physical. With all those crazy hormones flying around you might find it harder to separate sex from emotion that you would have pre-pregnancy.

Go for it OP.
If he's respectful, uses protection and happy to put a halt on proceedings if you're not feeling it, why ever not?

As long as you're using protection (which to my mind includes you both getting an STD test first) I don't see a problem with it.

Sounds a bit grim OP.

AmIRight I know you were being supportive to the OP but your post is probably one of the most misogynist out of the lot, sorry. 'Make use of your pristine pre childbirth vagina'- awful.

Sex when pregnant isn't harmful for the baby if you dont use certain toys, use protection and if you dont have any pregnancy related medical conditions where its advised against (eg low lying placenta)