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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have a FWB when pregnant?

427 replies

GirlOnIt · 08/08/2019 11:03

More would I be than am I, because I’ve not done anything yet.
I’m obviously single, split with baby’s dad and have been chatting with a FWB, but just as friends. Last night he got a bit flirty in his chat and suggested he’d be open to us resuming the benefits part of our friendship. I’m tempted because I do really miss sex, but feel it’s a bit off to sleep with someone who’s not my baby’s father while I’m pregnant.

I don’t know if to just give it a go and if it feels weird then say, nope I’ve changed my mind. I know him well enough to know that wouldn’t be a problem at all.

And he’s definitely single and we’d obviously use condoms.

OP posts:
Adrianneanneanne · 09/08/2019 08:43

No shit you can do what you want, two consenting adults and whatever. Stop bringing this up nobody said you can't do it if you want

Op posted AIBU where people give opinions

At least half of us here feel uncomfortable by it, that's how we feel

The fact that there needs to be a thread in the first place is telling. Why not just do it? If you want to then go for it.

If you're secure in your decision why do you care what we think? Do you make an AIBU every time you have sex?

edgeofheaven · 09/08/2019 08:54

I’m trying to imagine a man who is having sex with a woman pregnant with someone else’s child. She gives birth so obviously becomes a bit unavailable in the weeks and months afterwards. Is he happy to just walk away at that time? Or is he texting trying to come over for a booty call as soon as you’re out of hospital? Is he going to reject you as your body changes in late pregnancy causing hurt feelings for you?

I just feel like this is something that sounds breezy and uncomplicated in theory but in practice really would not be.

Advisemeplease1 · 09/08/2019 10:42

@GirlOnIt, I think you should at least try.

You've said he's a lovely guy so I'm sure if it started feeling weird, etc, he'd have no problem backing off.

Just because you're pregnant doesn't change who you are as a person, and it doesn't stop you feeling the way you do. He's obviously seeing you for you (as his comment to you made clear), not just seeing a pregnant woman.

YANBU. Go for dinner with him and see what happens!!

CollaterlyS1sters · 09/08/2019 10:44

@ReanimatedSGB.
Pregnant women are people , not walking incubators, and if they want to end their pregnancies, have sex with entire rugby teams, make a bit of extra nappy-money by posing for a pregnancy-fetishist website or whatever, it's none of your business.

How lovely that would be if the child in future discovered those pictures. What a charming memory of a special time.

zeezee3 · 09/08/2019 11:01

@ReanimatedSGB

Pregnant women are people , not walking incubators, and if they want to end their pregnancies, have sex with entire rugby teams, make a bit of extra nappy-money by posing for a pregnancy-fetishist website or whatever, it's none of your business.

You have GOT to be taking the piss!

M3lon · 09/08/2019 11:04

Its immoral to have sex when pregnant?

Honestly I have the 1800's on the phone and they need their misogyny back!

flashdancer19 · 09/08/2019 11:14

Honestly I have the 1800's on the phone and they need their misogyny back!

GrinGrinbrilliant line!

Bwekfusth · 09/08/2019 11:30

The best bit about this thread for me was being told that I don't get out much because I don't see a problem with a pregnant woman having sex. Brilliant 👌

FiddlesticksAkimbo · 09/08/2019 11:41

It’s a moral issue: it’s actually disrespectful to the unborn baby.

GrinGrinGrin

blubbabubba · 09/08/2019 11:53

It's actually not misogynistic to disapprove of this.

If you're in a relationship with a new man and had sex, you'd be exclusive. But an fwb means this man is having sex with others, possibly with a condom, possibly already harbouring a disease without even knowing.
He's then putting it in you, and it's possible to still be transferred.

He could well also just be being nice to you to have sex with you, of course. Why would he be a dick and ruin his chances? Of course he seems nice. He could well you this against you if you ever fall out or stop seeing him.

Whosorrynow · 09/08/2019 12:02

I think it's disrespectful of the unborn baby to expect it's mother not to have sex

SlightlyPsychotic · 09/08/2019 12:06

fucking hell. Maybe we could give the guy a chance and say hes not fetishing the fact she's pregnant. If OP is happy then it's not hurting anybody is it? The baby isn't harmed by sex and saying he shouldn't have sex with her because she is having a baby to another man is like saying you can't have sex with your new partner who has a child to an ex. Jesus Christ get a grip.

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 09/08/2019 12:09

I think it's fine, and entirely your choice, but would make absolutely sure to double-up on the barrier protection. It's fair to do whatever you want with your own body, but not to put the health of your unborn baby at risk.

'Yuck' factor and morals are a very subjective thing, though, so Mumsnet probably isn't the right place to ask for advice on this point. Ultimately it's your body and your decision.

Congratulations on your pregnancy!

FiddlesticksAkimbo · 09/08/2019 12:23

I think it's disrespectful of the unborn baby to expect it's mother not to have sex

Had anyone told the unborn baby to check it's privilege? Grin

(I'm pretty sure from its sense of entitlement and misogyny that it's a boy.)

SuperSara · 09/08/2019 13:12

But an fwb means this man is having sex with others...

You're just making that up. It's baseless nonsense.

He could well you this against you if you ever fall out or stop seeing him.

Use what against her?

And saying that friend is only nice to OP because he wants sex with her..?

Honest to god, I fucking despair at MNers sometimes.

By all means disagree with OP's decision on whether to have an FWB relationship with her friend, but FFS don't just make shit up to justify your position.

SlightlyPsychotic · 09/08/2019 15:02

I'm surprised half of the women on here don't have cobwebs in their knickers with some of these comments. Hmm

QualCheckBot · 09/08/2019 15:12

SlightlyPsychotic I'm surprised half of the women on here don't have cobwebs in their knickers with some of these comments.

I'd be surprised if people give you the time of day in real life with that sort of attitude. Does anyone actually fall for that tripe - that women are somehow embarrassingly frigid unless if they dare to show sexual distaste? Women should somehow embrace all sexual possibilities for fear of being thought unwilling, due to being supposed to have nice warm open vaginas?

I think most of us have learned not to fall for that sort of nonsense by the age of about 17!

Because, obviously, women must have cobwebs in their knickers if the thought of having sex while pregnant with a FWB.

I mean, to be fair, that is a fairly limited genre of sex appeal.

NoTheresa · 09/08/2019 15:14

Excellent post. Only defensiveness on the part of others would have them grasping at weak straws.

HeadintheiClouds · 09/08/2019 15:16

Yes, a fairly nonsensical comment from SlightlyPsychotic there. Not sure slightly is particularly apt...

NoTheresa · 09/08/2019 15:18

You may have a point.

SlightlyPsychotic · 09/08/2019 16:41

Are you defending your cobwebs now? It's simple. The OP says when in the moment, she doesn't see anything wrong with it.

The only reason I bring it up is again, the male in this situation is being judged due to wanting to have sexual relations with a woman who is pregnant to another man. That is not what the thread is about. I doubt he only wants to have sex with her because she is pregnant. Is this how you see all men? that even though the OP is wanting to know if she is BU about considering it, that actually its the man that's at fault.

Yawn.

QualCheckBot · 09/08/2019 16:48

The OP actually has now said she doesn't think its for her. tbh this thread would put anyone off.

Slightly I think you're being psychotic might be clouding your attitude towards sex slightly.

Counselling is out there.

SlightlyPsychotic · 09/08/2019 16:53

@QualCheckBot sorry that all you're getting from this is that i must be a sex addict, not another man bashing female.

Counselling works wonders, now i only want to do it with men who have fetishes about pregnant ladies.

HeadintheiClouds · 09/08/2019 16:55

Are you defending your cobwebs now?.😂. I’d quit while you’re behind, psychotic, because you sure aren’t getting ahead any time soon with those debating skills.
Bless.

wishing4sun · 09/08/2019 17:31

WHy not you sound quite sure off both off you’re positions. 😉
Enjoy (.

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