Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have a FWB when pregnant?

427 replies

GirlOnIt · 08/08/2019 11:03

More would I be than am I, because I’ve not done anything yet.
I’m obviously single, split with baby’s dad and have been chatting with a FWB, but just as friends. Last night he got a bit flirty in his chat and suggested he’d be open to us resuming the benefits part of our friendship. I’m tempted because I do really miss sex, but feel it’s a bit off to sleep with someone who’s not my baby’s father while I’m pregnant.

I don’t know if to just give it a go and if it feels weird then say, nope I’ve changed my mind. I know him well enough to know that wouldn’t be a problem at all.

And he’s definitely single and we’d obviously use condoms.

OP posts:
zeezee3 · 08/08/2019 23:41

@SuperSara

I'm having visions of some MNers reluctantly raising their overly long nightdresses above their knees once in a blue then laying back and thinking of England while they allow their long-suffering partner to have his wicked way for a few minutes.

LOL projecting much?! Grin This is actually YOU isn't it? Grin

Just because many posters think it's grim for a pregnant woman to be shagging a man who is NOT the baby's father, you assume they are prudish, and staid and boring in the bedroom.

Do grow up FFS. You sound ridiculous, and LOL at the irony! Having a go at people slagging off the OP... But then judging people who think fucking a man when you are pregnant (who is not the baby's father,) is gross and weird and wrong, by saying they MUST be boring in bed, old frumpy hags, getting dressed in the dark, wearing long nighties. What a hypocrite you are. Hmm

All your silly, childish, petulant insults and finger-wagging ain't gonna make anyone change their mind.

So keep ranting and poking and dishing out insults. Says more about you DEAR. Wink

And as I said before, any man who wants to shag a woman who is pregnant with another man's baby, clearly has some weird fetish. No man I know would EVER want to do that. It's weird as fuck. End of.

@ReanimatedSGB

You know, a man who doesn't want to have sex with his pregnant partner might be a misogynist, or have some issues which mean the relationship needs to be binned sooner rather than later?

I know we are all entitled to our own preferences, and no one should ever have sex they don't want to have and all that, but if a man is actively repulsed by his partner's pregnant body, or thinks there is something 'wrong' with her for wanting sex, then that man has unhealthy views about sex and about women.

FGS, no-one has said ANYTHING about a woman having sex when she is pregnant with the man who is the father to her baby! But shagging a man who is NOT the father of your baby is grim.

FiddlesticksAkimbo · 08/08/2019 23:53

This thread is ludicrous Grin

QualCheckBot · 08/08/2019 23:54

Reanimated Ah, more idiots: now whining that there is something wrong about wanting sex at all...

OMG. Imagine not wanting to sleep around. Ridicule those poor women at once!

Sorry OP - not aimed at you. You sound very sensible.

Breathlessness · 08/08/2019 23:55

Genuinely, why is it grim? Why is sex with the father of the not grim but sex with anyone else grim? Would it still be grim if someone was in a committed relationship with the non-father? Is it grim if the biological father is not in the picture and the non father is going to be the daddy? Would it be grim if the conception was a one night stand but the father-to-be and mother-to-be agreed to a FWB arrangement?

NoTheresa · 08/08/2019 23:59

Good god, how complicated it all sounds. Lol

HeadintheiClouds · 09/08/2019 00:02

Why would the non father have plans to be the daddy, Breathless?
That is fucking weird.

Breathlessness · 09/08/2019 00:03

We all have things we get judgy about I just don’t understand this one.

zeezee3 · 09/08/2019 00:04

@Breathlessness

NOBODY has to explain why they think it's GRIM.

Everyone is entitled to their personal opinion!

No-one is asking people who think it's OK.. ' But WHY do you think it's OK?!'

For fuck's sake, just accept people have different opinions, deal with it, and stop demanding people explain their opinions, coz it's getting tedious now. Hmm I don't have to explain jack-shit to ANYONE.

Breathlessness · 09/08/2019 00:08

Maybe a woman has a one night stand with a stranger, falls pregnant and finds herself leaning on an old friend for support. As they grow closer she starts to see him in a different light ... That might be a rom com. I was just throwing out theoreticals to try to see what exactly provokes the ick factor lots of people seem to feel.

Breathlessness · 09/08/2019 00:10

You do have to explain anything. You don’t have to justify anything. I’m curious. I’m allowed to ask. You don’t have to answer.

HeadintheiClouds · 09/08/2019 00:14

Well, most of your theoreticals are grim, yes. Committed relationship with the non father? It still begs the question (for me) why someone is so keen to play Daddy to another man’s unborn child. It weirds me out, but I can accept that others are fine with it.
Why can’t you accept that some people are grossed out by it?

Loulz · 09/08/2019 00:28

Debates could last week's. As long as you're safe, happy and comfortable OP do literally whatever you like!

Breathlessness · 09/08/2019 00:34

I can accept it I’m just trying to understand it. When so many people have such a similar, visceral reaction there’s obviously something to it.

WhyTho · 09/08/2019 01:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ReanimatedSGB · 09/08/2019 01:47

There's a difference between feeling that you, yourself, wouldn't want to have sex with other men (or that you, yourself, would feel generally uncomfortable, either physically or psychologically, about having sex while pregnant) and criticizing other women who do so; whining about it being disgusting or immoral. It's very much the same as the difference between feeling that you, yourself, would never terminate a pregnancy, and whining and moaning and criticizing other women who do so.
Pregnant women are people , not walking incubators, and if they want to end their pregnancies, have sex with entire rugby teams, make a bit of extra nappy-money by posing for a pregnancy-fetishist website or whatever, it's none of your business. Thinking that your silly superstitions about pregnancy sex matter, or give you moral authority over other women, means you're a spiteful idiot who needs to get over yourself before you become a danger to other women.

BizzzzyBee · 09/08/2019 01:58

Sorry but I think it’s yucky and puts your baby at risk of disease. The guy who isn’t the father doesn’t care about not passing on diseases, I’d like to think the father would be a bit more considerate.

NabooThatsWho · 09/08/2019 02:24

The guy who isn’t the father doesn’t care about not passing on diseases, I’d like to think the father would be a bit more considerate.

How do you know a non-father doesn’t care about passing on diseases?

And there are plenty of fathers who cheat on their partner and pass on STDs, happens all the time.

TheTitOfTheIceberg · 09/08/2019 06:51

It still begs the question (for me) why someone is so keen to play Daddy to another man’s unborn child. It weirds me out, but I can accept that others are fine with it.

Do you think it’s equally weird that a man should want to “play Daddy” to a child once it’s here? You must have a low opinion of the thousands of stepfathers in existence if so. No concept that a man could fall in love with a woman regardless of whether or not she’s pregnant, that her (temporary) state of pregnancy may not be the thing that defines her in his mind?

Some people have a very low opinion of both men and women, judging by this thread. And for the record, I’m 50 and have only ever slept with my DH, but I still think the OP is absolutely within her rights to have sex with her FWB if she decided that was the right thing for her. But then, I generally tend to trust women to make the right choices for themselves, their bodies and their children.

SweetJasmine17 · 09/08/2019 07:07

It’s a moral issue: it’s actually disrespectful to the unborn baby.

This is spot on, I said it this earlier. I had advanced made to me when pregnant and just found it so offensive. I'm not an object to fulfil your fetish for pregnancy/dominating another man (by having sex with the carrier of his offspring)

flashdancer19 · 09/08/2019 07:20

This is spot on, I said it this earlier. I had advanced made to me when pregnant and just found it so offensive. I'm not an object to fulfil your fetish for pregnancy/dominating another man (by having sex with the carrier of his offspring)

But this is a mutual agreement between two consenting adults who have previously had a mutually beneficial sexual relationship. He's not some random that's decided that he now wants sex with OP.

SuperSara · 09/08/2019 07:22

@Tattybogle89

Why would calling something gross make me young and dim?

Because the use of 'gross' as a synonym for disgusting has arisen through the popularity of banal American TV shows aimed at youth, and via social media.

And yes I'm old (mid/late 40s) and 'easy', if by that you mean that I don't think it's wrong for women to enjoy sex however they wish.

TooTrueToBeGood · 09/08/2019 07:24

When so many people have such a similar, visceral reaction there’s obviously something to it.

Based on that logic there must be something to racism, homophobia, misogyny and Trump. A volume of people having a non-fact based opinion on something does not constitute validation.

SuperSara · 09/08/2019 07:25

@ReanimatedSGB

That's a great post. Completely agree with you!

feelingverylazytoday · 09/08/2019 07:32

It's a moral issue.It's actually disrespectful to the unborn baby
This has to be one of the craziest things I've ever read on Mumsnet.

AsTheWorldTurns · 09/08/2019 07:46

I'm having visions of some MNers reluctantly raising their overly long nightdresses above their knees once in a blue then laying back and thinking of England while they allow their long-suffering partner to have his wicked way for a few minutes.

I think you are indeed projecting. Wink

Swipe left for the next trending thread