AIBU for snapping at my copycat child

[Confusedandworried321]

DS is 3.7 and sometimes copies what feels like everything I do. This morning I was making the baby's bottle, and gave it to him. Cue him doing the same for his baby doll using his toy kitchen. I then go in the shower. He follows me up and goes in the airing cupboard, pretending to shower. It sounds cute, but AIBU to find it absolutely infuriating? He literally copies me as closely as possible so his "baby" hasn't finished his milk until baby DS has. He copies my exact movements in the shower.

I snapped at him in the end this morning and told him to stop copying me.

Is this even normal? He doesn't do it all the time, and DH usually gets it more eg every time he hoovers/mows the lawn, out comes DS' little toy hoovers/lawn mowers and he's a little shadow while the jobs are being done.

The thing I feel PPs are not getting is that I think the OP is concerned about this behaviour in that it might be indicative of ASD. So, she's snapping/annoyed about it because it triggers her anxiety regarding his development. I see it as similar to when parents of children who are very shy/hang off them like limpets, snap at them for not answering Aunty Rita or playing with the other children etc. Obviously the parents know really that snapping won't help and people looking on may think they are being a bit mean, but really it's just that the parents are worried that their child isn't socialising well/won't make friends etc. etc.

I realise I am reading a lot into the little OP has said and may be way off the mark - OP please say if I am misrepresenting you!

I am a paediatric healthcare professional and see this a lot in my clinic.

I think you should embrace the copying OP. When one of you gets a duster out give DS a duster too. When you tidy up and put things away get DS to help too.Show him how to do a good job and the housework will be done in no time!

When he's older you can get him to use the real hoover and mower.

And I have a photograph somewhere of my husband mowing the lawn with not one, but two little boys in front of him, hanging on to the sides of the mower (hindering) helping Daddy. Those little boys are grown up now and Daddy gets the grass cut a lot quicker these days.

Yabu

I’m sure you know that it was unreasonable to snap, but in future if the copying gets a bit much, sit down with a book, and let him copy you being still and quiet for half an hour!

When I first read the thread title I thought your child was doing that really annoying thing were they echo your every word and mirror every movement. Such a 'delightful' phase that drives both parents and siblings completely up the wall. 😬

Your DS sounds adorable. It's completely normal behaviour. My DS at 2 would watch builders closely imitating their moves. Not the random hammer banging of a young child but carefully positioning a pretend nail and carefully tapping the toy hammer. He's an apprentice tradie now.

We all snap occasionally but it’s sad that you snapped at him for this because It’s such cute, innocent behaviour.

Well done for apologising.

With regard to sertraline. Is it actual side effects that are troubling you, or fear of side effects if you taje them?

I would recommend taking them as prescribed for 6 weeks. By then the side effects, if any, should have worn off, and the pills should have had a positive effect. If that is not the case, it is worth trying another anxiety/depression med, as meds need matching to your physiology, and trial and error is the only way to find out what suits.

The thing I feel PPs are not getting is that I think the OP is concerned about this behaviour in that it might be indicative of ASD

Oh I didn't miss it. But being obsessive over every single thing he does is not normal, and it's certainly no explanation for being annoyed at him for normal play.

OP clearly is massive issues surrounding health and anxiety and they haven't stemmed from the behaviour of the child, because she was worried before he was even born.

What a sad thread.

Totally normal and cute. If you snap at him though he might stop doing it which would be a shame.

I was just about to say everything TheSilveryPussycat said. IME the side effects of sertraline settled down after a few weeks, and they weren't particularly horrendous anyway (although I do appreciate different people react differently).

I did see that hiding, but it means that the child is being shouted at because of the mother's anxiety and not what they have done. That's not fair. OP, are you actually taking the sertraline?

I have read this thread fully, but can people please stop acting like ASD is the worst thing ever to happen. Dose it make like more difficult ? Yes. Does it stop all autistics from living a happy and full-filing life? No. I am so sick and tied of people with the condition being treated like second class citizens, by others (who in all fairness, probably don’t have a single experience about it) RANT OVER!

And yes I have ASD

Three-year olds are incredibly hard work sometimes, I understand why you snapped. But what he's doing is terribly sweet, and as a mother of a 16 year old, I implore you to try to find the part of you that enjoys it.

Good luck, sorry you're having a bad day.

PupsAndKittens agreed. I'm autistic and so are my kids. I don't know if it's harder or not, I've never known any different,but stereotypes and scaremongering isn't helpful.

bouncing raindrops it seems silly for me to argue with you when I'm sure OP is perfectly able to express her thoughts and feelings without me making assumptions on her behalf.

I will say however, that suggesting from a couple of posts that the OP's behaviour is 'not normal' or that she 'clearly has massive issues' does suggest you may be fairly lacking in knowledge or experience in this area. There could be any number of reasons the OP had concerns before her baby was born and to be fair you have absolutely no way of knowing whether what she describes is 'normal play' or not.

The OP may well have some health related anxiety. Equally her anxiety may be well founded. Characterising it as 'not normal' is unhelpful. In my experience such anxiety about children's health is not at all uncommon and is best reduced by offering kindness and support rather than judgement and criticism.

I didn't post to argue with anyone?

But the OP is anxious about her child having ASD. It is NOT based on his behaviour. She was anxious BEFORE he was born. I can categorically say that is not normal.

Does he go to nursery on a regular basis? If not might be a good time to start - in my experience kids his age copy and mimic when they are bored. Exposure to other kids his age 3-4 times a week will really help him.

I find your thread rather sad too. The last paragraph, it sounds like you resent your son wanting to be his dad’s little shadow.

It’s great you are addressing your feelings though and trying to work out why it might be happening. No one is perfect, you seem to be aware that your anxiety can cause you to interpret your sons behaviour in a negative way so now you can try and avoid that from happening. Which is a good thing surely.

You sound horrible

Where does OP say she's been worried about ASD since she was pregnant? Are you refering to another thread she's posted? Because all she's said here is:

He was developing beautifully as far as I was concerned then play group flagged some behaviour which got me so worried, hence pushing for the referral.

Aah he sounds cute. Please have a bit of patience with him, he's only 3.

as I've been anxious about ASD practically since before he was born

Right there.

Where does OP say she's been worried about ASD since she was pregnant?

In her post at 10:52am...

It was me who pushed for the referral, as I've been anxious about ASD practically since before he was born (health anxiety) but I worry so much about what he does and whether it's typical.

It was literally the sentence before the one you quoted in your post asking where she said it

One of the oddest, if not the actual oddest, OP I have ever come across