To think that parenthood gets harder as time goes on

[DannyWallace]

Ok, so my first is only 6 months old, and this is semi light hearted, but am I the only one who thinks this bit is waaaaay harder than the newborn bit....and I can only see it getting harder!

Everyone told me about the newborn stage. I was prepared for the cluster feeds, I batch cooked and I had my husband at home. Yes I was sleep deprived but every morning I was up and showered and feeling half decent. Even when my husband when back to work my baby would basically feed then sleep....ok it was constant but those wee sleeps got me through.

Now I have a baby who is sooo close to crawling. She's moving all over the place. She's massively fighting sleep so getting her to nap isn't easy. And she often wakes in the middle of the night (so I wouldn't say I'm getting more sleep). She notices when I leave the room and shouts for me until I'm back, so I even have to rush a pee 😂. She rarely cries to be honest (really only when she needs to sleep but won't 🙈).
It's so hard to find time to have a shower, cook a meal, walk the dogs etc, but everyone seems to think that because we're past the newborn stage I should be a bit more organised. Luckily my DH is great, but he works long hours. We're a forces family so no family close by.

AIBU to think that this bit is way harder than the newborn bit.
I absolutely adore being a mum, and I know that I definitely have it easier than many others, but my friend is visiting just now and I'm so happy as it means I can shower every morning 😂😂.

I found the newborn stage hard, pretty much sailed through todderhood and the pre-teen years, enjoyed having teenagers.

But I agree with other posters above that nothing prepared me for the stress & emotional challenges around parenting young adults. I've three sons between 25 & 21 and the amount of emotional support they have all needed at times for various reasons since their late teens has honestly been exhausting. I'm thankful that I have a close relationship with all of them, but this phase is hard.

Best ages are 9-12, the rest is all pretty hard tbh.

When they're little it's physically draining. As they get older it's more emotional support they need. There are a few easier years where they are old enough not to be constantly demanding and young enough not to have the more serious worries about exams and relationships, but on the whole, it doesn't really get easier or harder, it just changes.

It doesn't necessarily get much easier when they are in their 20's and thirty's

sorry about that

it’s been like before. I haven’t slept a good night’s sleep in a year and some days would give anything for a teenager who sleeps til noon.

Yes but teenagers are infuriating and incredibly messy and rude! They worry the hell out of you constantly.

For example

DD stays in her room for weeks...so you worry.
DD decides to go out every night at 10pm god knows where and wants to come back in the early hours and then leaves the door unlocked over night!
DD only speaks politely when she wants money.
Will DD pass her A levels as I never see her do any work.
DD decides to wear heavy makeup and bleach hair numerous colours.
DD won't eat properly even when you cook meals. She will only eat mushrooms and eggs. And on it goes... Argh give me a baby!!
DD is incredibly messy and leaves kitchen, bathroom and her bedroom in a stinking mess which only parents with teenagers will understand.

Totally individual for all of us, I had an incredibly easy baby, great sleeper, could entertain himself, never clingy, not a fussy eater but like others I find the teenage years tough (& I must be honest in that he’s not really a difficult teenager) but the emotional worry is hard and the back chat and rudeness is not nice to deal with. And then everyone else tells me is is ‘utterly charming’.

peli - agree, my parents are late 80s and stilly worry about us 50+ year old children and of course worry about grandchildren.... and great grandchildren if they had them

My dd has just turned one and it’s got up a notch in the craziness stage 🙈 she’s crawling everywhere and climbing on the couch and tables, so I literally cannot leave her at all. She also doesn’t sleep well at the moment, I adore her and love watching all her new skills emerge, but it’s utterly exhausting 🤦‍♀️Having said that, the very start she had bad colic for 3 months...much much worse. I’d say from around 5 months -10 months was the most blissful-so far! 😊💜

I have a very much older brother, and I remember my mother, at nearly 90, worrying that his shocking memory was due to early onset Altzheimers..

Ds shall be 12 soon

For 11 years he was so easy and laid back rarely had any problems

That has all changed he is so challenging and hard work it’s exhausting

I have a 2 year old and an 11 week old. The two year old is a savage. He NEVER stops. He is an amazing wee boy, but he is on the go constantly. Not saying new babies are easy but man, toddlers are absolute savages. Thank goodness he sleeps 11 hours a night (most nights). My partner works 12 and 14 hour shifts and I have no family close by. I adore being a mum but some times it is hard!!

The thing is, it's human nature to always feel that the difficulty and intensity of whatever you're going through right now is more so than things that are in the past - and worries always feel more trivial once you have the later knowledge that it all turned out ok. The worst problem is always going to be the one that's currently unresolved.

@Toitoitoi ok, I take your point. Not looking forward to teenage years. It’s the blanket - ‘all the rest is easy peasy in comparison’ that some posters are saying that I take issue with but happy to concede teenage years may be the hardest.

All those who are annoyed that people are saying teens are the hardest, have either not got any, or they have and they've been extremely lucky not to have many problems..I used to think people were exaggerating about how hard teens can be, then my dd12 started her periods and everything changed, I suddenly realised what everyone was talking about. She's 13 now and this has honestly been the hardest year I have ever had parenting wise. I have a nearly 4 year old too and I'm now terrified about him getting to that age, it's so so stressful.

“All those who are annoyed that people are saying teens are the hardest,”
I haven’r read the whole thread, but are people getting annoyed about that? How very odd.

And actually, everything else is easy peasy compared to supporting an adult child out of a physically and emotionally abusive relationship, and the subsequent trial of her abuser. Sorry to play top trumps.

I find all this ‘just you wait, you have it so easy now’ stuff so patronising and annoying!! It’s not helpful. Every stage is hard for different reasons and I honestly think a lot of people forget what it’s been like before. I haven’t slept a good night’s sleep in a year and some days would give anything for a teenager who sleeps til noon.

Yeah I used to think it sounded patronising when people used to say it to me...until I got 3 of them all at once and the sleep deprivation days are still fresh in my memory as my youngest is still only 2 and still wakes up 4 out of 7 nights. But I'd take babies and toddlers any day.

Absolutely no one is getting annoyed about people saying teens is the hardest stage. Some people are getting annoyed about people saying that teens are the hardest and that babies and toddlers are really easy, which is quite a different thing.

Oh yes thought of another additional shit teenager problem.

DD doesn't want to come on holiday with us anymore. We cannot leave DD home alone as she is completely unreliable - read above. So DH had to stay at home whilst I went away with the other DC. hmm

Pop up playpens will be your friend. 2 is by far the worst for me. The tantrums are unrelenting.

If you are struggling with a new baby, in the midst of sleep deprivation and possibly round the clock breastfeeding, it must be so depressing to hear that it is only going to get worse... I would say all ages have their challenges, but the type of challenge keeps changing, so if you feel you aren't copying with a baby it doesn't mean you won't be able to cope with a teenager etc.

@Toitoitoi your DD is taking the absolute piss. Was she like this before teenagehood?

I think all stages are hard in their own way! I currently have a 2 year old, an 11 year old and an almost 13 year old.... they are all hard work 🤣

It does depend on the child. I would not want to relive DD1’s toddler years as she was very difficult and high need. If people have docile or easy babies they are easier to miss once they hit full teenager stage, whereas some of us don’t miss it at all for so many reasons, not that we have perfect kids or don’t know what you are going through. It’s not a competition all adults have different tolerance levels and toddler tantrums and baby screaming and mushed up food pushed my tolerance levels more than teenage moods/bad behaviour. In some ways I am lucky as I don’t think I seem to have ‘typical’ teens and I’m aware they will probably still live at home and be needy into their 20’s - it won’t come as a shock to me but it will be hard at times

I've got 3 dcs. Eldest just turned 13, second is nearly 11 and I've got a 16mth old. Everyone says 'is it hard work going back to the baby stage'? And I always say, the baby's easy, it's the older 2 that are stressful 🤣. Before you've had dcs and with your first, it's such a shock to the system, it seems hard but people always say, wait til the teenage years, you ain't seen nothing yet! 😕. I actually know what they mean now. I think also, looking back, you realise the baby stage is hard work but it passes so quick and they're so little and cute, you don't mind! With my third, I definitely found her easier and enjoyed it more rather than worrying and stressing. You just get used to it though! 😫😆