To think that parenthood gets harder as time goes on

[DannyWallace]

Ok, so my first is only 6 months old, and this is semi light hearted, but am I the only one who thinks this bit is waaaaay harder than the newborn bit....and I can only see it getting harder!

Everyone told me about the newborn stage. I was prepared for the cluster feeds, I batch cooked and I had my husband at home. Yes I was sleep deprived but every morning I was up and showered and feeling half decent. Even when my husband when back to work my baby would basically feed then sleep....ok it was constant but those wee sleeps got me through.

Now I have a baby who is sooo close to crawling. She's moving all over the place. She's massively fighting sleep so getting her to nap isn't easy. And she often wakes in the middle of the night (so I wouldn't say I'm getting more sleep). She notices when I leave the room and shouts for me until I'm back, so I even have to rush a pee 😂. She rarely cries to be honest (really only when she needs to sleep but won't 🙈).
It's so hard to find time to have a shower, cook a meal, walk the dogs etc, but everyone seems to think that because we're past the newborn stage I should be a bit more organised. Luckily my DH is great, but he works long hours. We're a forces family so no family close by.

AIBU to think that this bit is way harder than the newborn bit.
I absolutely adore being a mum, and I know that I definitely have it easier than many others, but my friend is visiting just now and I'm so happy as it means I can shower every morning 😂😂.

Mine is two and a half (still doesn't sleep through) but daytime's are getting easier. She is playing by herself now and can leave the room for a wee etc without it being an ordeal! She's fun as well now, she has a proper little personality and sense of humour. Definitely getting easier....now if I could just get her to sleep through!!!

As a parent of adult children I agree it gets harder as time goes on. Not all the time of course , as there are many compensations in having adult children . But when problems come...

'Little children , little problems
Big children , big problems '

Dd has just turned 18. Every single stage so far has been hard, and fun. The challenges change over time but they are all hard, the fun changes too but is still fun.

Each stage brings its challenges. Every child is different too. DS2 is 15 and nothing like DS1 (who I could have cheerfully strangled) was at the same age. DS1 is now an awesome hardworking young man.
Ah the joys of parenting, embrace each stage and enjoy the ride.

What are all your teenagers up to?!

Teenagers are so much easier than babies!! Obv it has its challenges but I had 9 hours sleep last night, they get up at 11am in the hols.
I had one hard baby and one easy one, they swapped roles by the toddler phase.

I have 2 boys! For my first, I can only say it started off a complete nightmare and has only got easier and easier with each day he's got older! (He's 7 now and amazing :)!)

Number 2 started off a saint! Slept endlessly, quiet and chilled. He's got harder and harder as he's got older and will probably continue to do so for the next year or two (he's 5 now). He's still great though!

Eldest has not stopped talking (screaming and crying as newborn, now just endless talking) and moving since birth. Youngest was a quiet couch potato!

Oldest has mellowed, youngest has woken up a bit! Now they are pretty average (ish - although youngest will always be a bit more gentle and quiet I think, and eldest will always be active)

My dd is 22. The last 3 years are the hardest years of parenting I’ve had to deal with.

My sons are 22 and 19. Nothing, absolutely nothing, prepared me for how difficult these years of parenting would be.

Personally :newborns are easy peasy.
Mobile babies are harder but becoming more rewarding
Toddlers: a weird mix of really easy and really challenging often within 5 minutes of each other. But they are so rewarding.

I've enjoyed every stage so far (only made it as far as toddlers as yet).

And I'm just out of the newborn stage with child 2, so not looking back at that with rose tinted specs. My baby currently wakes for a feed every 1 - 2.5hrs, but despite me being tired, her needs are simple, and hugs, hugs or pacing or food normally solve them.

I don't think there's anything wrong with people saying they found the newborn stage easy. Yes some babies are harder and lots of women struggle with pnd. But people struggle at all ages as we and our babies are all individuals. Everyone is just talking from their own experiences.

'My dd is 22. The last 3 years are the hardest years of parenting I’ve had to deal with.

My sons are 22 and 19. Nothing, absolutely nothing, prepared me for how difficult these years of parenting would be.'

I echo the above.
It may also be that parents today are more connected to their adult children for good or ill ( mainly good)

When I was a teenager with typical teenage problems it was made clear to me that I was on my own and my parents weren't interested . I wasn't unusual in that . They fed us and put a roof over our head , job done .

And my gran said to my mum and her to me, they go through difficult stages and they keep going through stages until they move out 😂😂

What's difficult about 19 to 22? Mine are early teens so might be a lot easier than late teens I guess!

I absolutely detested the newborn stage with my eldest and didn't really enjoy him until he was about 5 months old. So I don't really agree with you about six months. Both my kids were lazy as well so never showed any interest in crawling until a year or walking until 18 months. I think that stage first time around is an adjustment. But second time around everything was baby proofed and out of reach already.

Mine are 4 and 6 now. This stage is way easier than the baby stages ever were!!

My daughter didn't sleep until 18 months old, my son was 3.5 years old before he slept through.
But I'd rather do that again than do his teenage years. He's 19 now and marginally better, but he's the reason I'm on antidepressants and I "ran away" for a few days to be on my own.
So in my opinion the babyhood years, as hard as they were, we're so much easier.

@TequilaMockingbird0 have you got teenagers?
It's not scaremongering, everyone tells you the teenage years are hard

Not me, for a start. One teenager (19) here and one in her early twenties, both very reasonable teenagers. To some extent, dd's teenage years were overshadowed by illness, but she herself was not difficult to get on with. She was hard work as a 3yo though, and the first 3 months of her life were extremely difficult due to feeding problems. Ds was a bit of a nuisance aged 3 and then quite difficult around the age of 9-10; after that became very easy to get on with.

Two brothers (out of 3) have also had extremely easy-going, sensible teenagers.

One poster mentioned that it's about what you find difficult to cope with as an individual parent and I think there's a lot in that. I struggled with the whining stage that is common around age 3 (coped far better with the tantrums of 2yos), but didn't get very anxious around their increasing independence: I always seemed to assume that they would generally make sensible decisions and they generally did.
(dd's MH problems are a separate issue & not age-related)

I also think some children find certain ages more difficult. My ds is like me: he needs independence to feel good about himself but is generally quite sensible and cautious. He found the preteens, when he couldn't realistically have a great deal of independence, far more stressful than his later teens, when he could. I struggled with toddlerhood for the same reason, but became calm and sensible around school age.

The OP may end up with the kind of teenager who brings her cups of coffee when she looks tired and cheerfully sits by an ageing grandparent's bedside in the nursing home. There are lovely teens out there!

If anyone had confronted me when I was struggling with the first few months of motherhood to tell me it would get worse, they would have upset me to no purpose and been wrong: it never did!

Bloody hell. I feel like I'm drowning right now with a 2 year old and 1 year old. Both having tantrums on the daily.

I was hoping it just got easier as they got older, less sleep deprived etc.

I definitely haven't just send dh a reminder to book his vasectomy....

Once they’re 18 there is very usually little practical you can do- they have to deal with their own stuff while you watch from the sidelines. Unless you have to swoop in and pick up the pieces, if they let you.

Girlandboy

I totally get the wanting to get away thing!

Reading this thread there seems to be a split between parents of now adult children and parents of under teens comparing childhood stages .

Late teens and even 20s ( maybe older still- I'm not there yet!) presented the greatest challenges to me . They were mental and emotional challenges and I find the mental and emotional demands far more draining than the mainly physical demands of babies and pre teens.

I just haven’t found the teen years that hard - maybe I’ve mellowed a bit but I cba to get cross about a messy room - they have to tidy it once a week and if I’m around I help DS if it’s really.
They go out, they’ve got friends, they occasionally have a drink (more older dd does), they’re doing well at school (ds needs more supervision/motivation from me but it’s ok). They need boundaries and yes, they can be stroppy and moody but maybe it’s not been ‘bad’ as they’re not into drugs and haven’t had relationships yet??

Ah see I like having teenagers. We can have such a laugh together and great chats. It kind of feels like all the hard graft of bum wiping is finally paying off!

Last night we were all laying on our beds with the doors open chatting and sending funny memes to each other. It’s more fun than when I was standing in the park swinging them for what felt like 200 hours or just saying ‘no’ to all the mad requests for insane breakfasts

Emotionally it’s probably harder than physical but I was a young mum and found doing the 2 under 2 part really hard isolating and struggled with depression. Now I am older and wiser I am probably a better parent

We get some friendship issues and some MH problems and it can be upsetting but at least we can find some solutions and help - I think I found the physical and logistics of toddlers much harder. If anything I miss the primary school years as it was all more sociable w other mums and kids.

Pookie am with you there.

My teenagers are 15 and 16

16 is at the cinema today. She has a small PT job (loves the money) and a few friends. No boyfriends. She has anxiety and doesn’t go out that much she feels better at home. She’s a struggle sometimes behaviour wise but she’s also very helpful and practical. She is going to college this year, she did struggle through her GCSE’s. She’s quite trustworthy

DD15 has a boyfriend. He is really lovely. She has no desire to go out in the evenings anywhere and her and her mates camp in their gardens in tents for sleepovers, go cinema and play 8 ball pool online together. She does a lot of art for GCSE and also hobby

They both sell things online either things they make or unwanted items and do this together on a joint account. Nothing to do with me!

They both have choices. DD2 is lazy but DD1 does her own washing and ironing through choice

They are good kids and teens get a bad rap

*both have chores