To think that parenthood gets harder as time goes on

[DannyWallace]

Ok, so my first is only 6 months old, and this is semi light hearted, but am I the only one who thinks this bit is waaaaay harder than the newborn bit....and I can only see it getting harder!

Everyone told me about the newborn stage. I was prepared for the cluster feeds, I batch cooked and I had my husband at home. Yes I was sleep deprived but every morning I was up and showered and feeling half decent. Even when my husband when back to work my baby would basically feed then sleep....ok it was constant but those wee sleeps got me through.

Now I have a baby who is sooo close to crawling. She's moving all over the place. She's massively fighting sleep so getting her to nap isn't easy. And she often wakes in the middle of the night (so I wouldn't say I'm getting more sleep). She notices when I leave the room and shouts for me until I'm back, so I even have to rush a pee 😂. She rarely cries to be honest (really only when she needs to sleep but won't 🙈).
It's so hard to find time to have a shower, cook a meal, walk the dogs etc, but everyone seems to think that because we're past the newborn stage I should be a bit more organised. Luckily my DH is great, but he works long hours. We're a forces family so no family close by.

AIBU to think that this bit is way harder than the newborn bit.
I absolutely adore being a mum, and I know that I definitely have it easier than many others, but my friend is visiting just now and I'm so happy as it means I can shower every morning 😂😂.

I have a preschooler and a toddler. The older needs a lot of fettling with her imaginary games and the younger likes to put her fingers in door hinges, etc. So it's hard because I never sit down and can't have my own food on my own plate. But soon enough they will be at school and I will have more time to myself, but their problems get more 'outside world' and bigger in a way, rather than lost My Little Ponies and silence in the family room being a very bad sign!
I sympathise though OP - non moving baby is a massive pain in the arse... impossible to please!

@itsabootyhole

I have no doubt having teenagers brings a whole host of other difficulties. My issue was with the blanket statement 'newborns are easy peasy'. That was made as a complete sentence. I appreciate looking back that in your experience you've found that to be the case relative to having teenagers. I'm assuming you wouldn't stand by that statement in isolation. My point was just that for a new mum who is going through probably the biggest change in her life, and potentially struggling enormously, seeing that as a sentence at the start of a thread could be really hard.

I find the whole 'just you wait...' comments pointless anyway as everyone's experience is not only so different, but it's entirely unhelpful to almost try and one-up other parents and scaremonger. It's the same with telling a pregnant woman a negative birth story. I just don't get it.

You know something? It's ALWAYS hard. It's just differently hard.

Mine have all left home and are in their twenties. Doesn't prevent my heart from stopping every time one of them rings and I see the name pop up on my phone - what's happened now? Partner left, lost all their money/job, need to come home for a while, illness... not so much I can physically do, but it's mentally taxing.

Newborns were hard, but everyone was interested and wanted to help. Nobody wants to help you with a toddler (or two or three). After that it's all a mish mash of some good days and some bad ones and kids at all different stages of wanting me/nobody/friends/the dog, needing cuddles, lifts, food, more food, and a general lack of appreciation.

It's hard. Motherhood is hard. We should all give ourselves a pat on the back for getting through it.

Nope, reverse is true for me. I think it depends on your own personality, I really struggled with the unrelenting dependency on me with newborns and toddlers, it stifles me while I know if it gives others purpose. The more independent they've become the easier I've found it, and I find I'm better at parenting older children, it comes to me naturally more, I struggle to get on the same level with children who can't communicate as well. It's definitely a personality thing for me.

I wish I’d appreciated the time when I had just one DC as it was all pretty manageable looking back. Having two little ones is harder (and I’m sure if we had a third we’d say the same about having just two).

I always find comments from people whining that their children are now mobile so weird. Did you not know they do that? And if you did, and you just wanted something that stayed still to be cuddled all day, do you not think you'd have been better off with a doll?

It depends on the type of person you are too. I like to spend a lot of time alone, so the early years when I had to be followed around everywhere where (albeit adorable of course) very hard for me. Primary school brings a greater degree of independence. And sleep, of course, neither child slept well until about 3 years so to now be able to get a full nights sleep and a lie in - life seems pretty good.

I felt like this. My son was a dreamy newborn and I felt like it was so much easier than people say it is (that said I know I was lucky and it could have been very different)! I won't lie, I found 6m to 12m harder and 12m-22m really hard. But just before he was 2 he got easier. He's funny now and understands more and also watches 10 mins of tv so I can shower etc! There are still bad days but I am finding it much more fun & easier. And all along there were lots of good days and fun times. What I've learnt is it's different for everyone and don't worry if everyone else says it's getting easier when you are finding the opposite!

Newaccount, don't be an arse.

Personally, I found the newborn stage easy...way easier than toddlers.

I think the physicality of parents gets much easier - the lack of sleep, the carrying, the chasing etc. But the emotional side gets much harder as the children get older because the problems get bigger and the stakes higher. While it seems like the most all consuming and toughest time when you are in the middle of it, looking back on it the days when all problems could be solved by a cuddle do seem far easier.

I always find comments from people whining that their children are now mobile so weird. Did you not know they do that? And if you did, and you just wanted something that stayed still to be cuddled all day, do you not think you'd have been better off with a doll?

No it’s not weird it is pretty annoying when you have a very hyperactive baby that never ever sits still for a second. I would have preferred for her to be a bit more relaxed tbh. We skipped the sit and play nicely stage. People have the right to moan that babies are hard work, that’s why Mumsnet was invented.

I found the newborn stage for my DS manageable and enjoyable however 18 months later when I had my DD (& by then 18minth old ds) I didn't enjoy it one bit. In fact most of the years up to the ages if 6/7 I only remember in a haze.
From 6/7 things have got easier.

I like the years 3-8 best. More independence, still into family days out, sleeping well, good fun to be around. I loved them as babies and toddlers of course, we had great times but it was all quite relentless with feeding, changing etc. Going on holiday is great now. They can swim, we need minimal stuff, they piddle around on the beach happily for hours. Both still believe in Santa so Christmas is fun. Yeah I love this age.

You're right, my comment was a bit unnecessarily grumpy. But I do find the fuss some people make about them starting to move - as if it's some personal affront to their parents, or some unexpected trial - a bit odd.

@TequilaMockingbird0 have you got teenagers?
It's not scaremongering, everyone tells you the teenage years are hard. The newborn stage is so short and every stage after gets more and more challenging. My point was..if you think it's had now wait until the teenage years.

If you could go straight from the newborn stage to primary school age and miss out the ages 1-4, I might be persuaded to have a third child!

No it’s not weird it is pretty annoying when you have a very hyperactive baby that never ever sits still for a second. I would have preferred for her to be a bit more relaxed tbh. We skipped the sit and play nicely stage.

So did we, for what it's worth! DS could crawl before he could sit, so we never got the 'sit on a playmat with toys' thing. And he is never, ever still (and walks now). But I still find it weird to moan about him developing entirely normally.

Every child is different so debating which stage is hardest is pointless.
DD was a very easy baby. slept well, hardly ever cried, no feeding. Even when she became mobile she was still happy to amuse herself sat in her cot playing with some toys while I showered and I could easily potter about doing jobs for an hour while she was in a baby carrier.

DS could not be more different. He was a shit sleeper from the word go and had terrible reflux as a newborn. Hated the baby carrier and would only tolerate being in a jumperoo for five minutes at the most. Now he's 9 months old and he's crawling, climbing and into absolutely everything, I can't take my eyes off him for a second, he needs constant stimulation and interaction, nothing holds his attention for more than a couple of minutes and he barely naps so I never have time to get anything done. He still wakes multiple times a night and is always up for the day by 5am. It's relentless. I'm utterly exhausted and hearing people say "babies are easy peasy" honestly makes me want to scream.

I found the toddler years very hard work. One of mine was an easier baby than the other. After that, so far I've found it easier they older they get. Eldest dd is 15 and quite easy going.

Yes! I have teens and they are harder work now than when they were babies & very young!

Each stage brings different challenges!

But I still find it weird to moan about him developing entirely normally.

Well that’s good for you but personally I complained to anyone who would listen (still do sometimes). It keeps me more sane.

The newborn stage is so short and every stage after gets more and more challenging. My point was..if you think it's had now wait until the teenage years

You're presenting your opinion as fact. I have friends with teenagers who have told me that they feel like they've gotten their lives back, what a delight their kids are now and how they couldn't imagine going back to the baby, preschool years. Not all children are the same, not all teenagers are the same and different people struggle with different aspects of parenthood. Comments like "just you wait..." are so unhelpful because you're assuming that your own experience will be true for everyone and that just isn't the case.

It probably depends on the children, to some extent. I found the newborn stage really hard as DS was an appalling sleeper and breastfed constantly, then from 6-18 months was absolutely lovely. It seems to have got progressively harder from then on, and now DS is 3yo it's very difficult, I often feel like I'm being held hostage by an unreasonable miniature tyrant. However, I'm hoping once he's at school it will get better, as all my friends' primary school aged children seem pretty delightful in comparison. Then brace for the teenage years!

I have an 11 year old. For me the starting to let them go out independently stage is probably the hardest part so far.
The other stages were hard too but at least I knew where she was all the time.