To think that parenthood gets harder as time goes on

[DannyWallace]

Ok, so my first is only 6 months old, and this is semi light hearted, but am I the only one who thinks this bit is waaaaay harder than the newborn bit....and I can only see it getting harder!

Everyone told me about the newborn stage. I was prepared for the cluster feeds, I batch cooked and I had my husband at home. Yes I was sleep deprived but every morning I was up and showered and feeling half decent. Even when my husband when back to work my baby would basically feed then sleep....ok it was constant but those wee sleeps got me through.

Now I have a baby who is sooo close to crawling. She's moving all over the place. She's massively fighting sleep so getting her to nap isn't easy. And she often wakes in the middle of the night (so I wouldn't say I'm getting more sleep). She notices when I leave the room and shouts for me until I'm back, so I even have to rush a pee 😂. She rarely cries to be honest (really only when she needs to sleep but won't 🙈).
It's so hard to find time to have a shower, cook a meal, walk the dogs etc, but everyone seems to think that because we're past the newborn stage I should be a bit more organised. Luckily my DH is great, but he works long hours. We're a forces family so no family close by.

AIBU to think that this bit is way harder than the newborn bit.
I absolutely adore being a mum, and I know that I definitely have it easier than many others, but my friend is visiting just now and I'm so happy as it means I can shower every morning 😂😂.

I think it's different with each child and also you sometimes forget the hard bits. I look back at the newborn days and remember the cuddles, the tiny socks and eating cake with other mums more than I remember the reflux and lack of sleep. I'm not sure which is the hardest stage so far.

Yeah it’s all hard with kids no matter the age! I have a relentless six year old and three year old and the baby years were solidly knackering not helped by PND.

I need to be an energetic, resourceful, informative, entertaining, diplomatic, patient, creative guru with a google brain and imagination of Enid blyton for about 14 hours a day. None of these are my forte.

And then smuggos come on here and say just wait until they’re teenagers.

So basically, I think choosing to have children is relentless forevermore!

But they are so cute.

I second the jumperoo suggestion if you don’t already have one! Get it second hand and sell it on when you’re done.

I can’t speak to the teenage years but DD is 16 months now and turning into a proper toddler and it definitely feels like the difficulty setting has been turned up! I am better rested though so it probably balances out

@itsabootyhole I'm going to assume you misread my reply rather than being deliberately obtuse in response to pretty much everything I said 😂

I’m finding having a newborn really hard. Mostly because it’s in and of itself really hard work, and I’ve never done it before so I feel really anxious all the time, combined with the fact my body’s recovering from the biggest ordeal it’s ever been through. I feel like it would be difficult even if I were at the peak of my physical fitness!

My dd is 22. The last 3 years are the hardest years of parenting I’ve had to deal with.

I have friends with grown up children. Quite a few of them say things are harder now than they ever were!

Yep whytho.
Toddlers were easier to manage. Mine would even tidy up a bit, helping mummy was fun in those days 😫.

Yanbu - I have four between 18 & 8 ... nothing comes close to the worry of parenting an older teen/young adult. My mum tried to warn me that 16-25 is the hardest ... I believe her now!

DannyWallace - I have two children, one in his 40s and the other one in his 50's, and it doesn't get any easier!

I have a 20, 18, 16, 12 and a 10 year old.

The emotional side of parenting, the worrying etc is much worse the older they get. I am hoping at some point it will get easier. My teens need more time and input than ever.

I can't protect them much anymore or solve their problems. Their pain feels almost like my own at times. One of mine has gone through some big stuff recently and I have spent many a night crying over it.

As the saying goes.. 'Making the decision to have a child - it is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body'.

That said, there are a lot of aspects of life that are much easier. I can go out without packing nappies and I have much more freedom. I'm not rushing around like a blue arsed fly.

It's all difficult. The difficulties just change.

I think it really depends on the child. Mine wasn’t easy from the get-go. Love him to bits but even while pregnant he never stopped. I’m shattered.

Some people have told me girls are easier at the start and get more difficult as they get older, and boys are the reverse. I hang onto that hope, though I suspect it’s just like any other old wives tale I’ve been fed.

Props to you @U2HasTheEdge for making the “momentous” decision to have five! I’ve only got one and he’s killing me... slowly but surely...

TequilaMockingbird0 have you got teenagers?

I'm going to assume you misread my reply rather than being deliberately obtuse in response to pretty much everything I said

I'll take that as a no.. come back to me when you have.

I don't think it gets harder or easier the rules just change. Some stages we deal with better than others.

When newborns the lack of sleep is hard.
When on the move needing eyes in the back of your head is hard.
At 2 the toilet training is hard as are the tempers where they get frustrated from not being able to communicate
When they are 3 the constant bloody questions are hard.
At 4 they may start night terrors- back to no sleep
At 5 they start school and negotiating friendships/tired grumpy is hard.

6-9 is lovely in the most part.
After 9 they gain a bit of independance and start to push boundries. Th constant inner battle of letting them be their own person/keeping them safe is hard. Also 9+ girls are hard my DD is lovely but I struggle to deal with how 9/10 year old girls are so mean to each other and friendships are so turbulant.
I'm yet to experience teens yet but I'm sure that will have it's challenges.

The thing with parenting is as soon as you get used to one stage, you know the rules, you are nailing this mumma...the rules change. They hit a new stage and you feel lost all over again.

See, I found the early days with dd1 a nightmare! Like a bomb had gone off in the middle of my life. She didn't sleep, had colic, but I think the worst thing was not knowing what I was doing! I was constantly anxious. By the time dd2 came along I was more confident, so enjoyed it more. When ds arrived I was absolutely fine!

braced myself for the toddler years, but actually really enjoyed them! Even the tantrums were funny!

Braced myself even harder for the teenage years.....I am loving them! My girls are great fun, and I have my life back! I guess everyone is different, but I just feel they get better and better! (Awaits their 20s with trepidation!)

YANBU the baby stage is the EASIEST by far!! Mine are 4 and 6 and WRECKING my head! 🤣🤣

YES. 18 and 20...do my head in...endless mess and endless worry. Off to uni in Sept. No doubt I will worry loads about r
them there. Then they'll stomp home with all their washing. Enjoy the first few years.. at least they are cute and don't nick your beauty products and criticise your cooking

I think it's different for different individuals. I loved the baby and infant years and DC slept, played, ate etc pretty much to schedule and although it was tiring, it wasnt difficult ifyswim! Did lots of crafts and imaginary play. I loved it! Years six to twelve were busy with extra curricular stuff but all pretty easy and good although I did seem to be repeating myself and constantly nagging in order to get basic tasks such as hwk, showering, done! Teenage years are now hellish though. They get essential done themselves (a huge relief) and they are not drinking or doing drugs or anything, they are just very spiky and emotionally demanding at a time when I am older and less able to deal with it all. Everything is stressful! I could honestly walk out of the front door some days and not look back. I love them to bits though so I stay! It's a bit like torture

In summary, if I knew what I know now, then I would have had DC earlier. Not because of the infant years but because of the strength you need to get them through adolescence and early adulthood!

Every stage has its different challenges and difficulties but also (hopefully for most of us) rewards! Parent of DS22 who has just sent me a lovely appreciative message to say thanks for meeting him at a local festival drop of point with his tent and a warm breakfast sandwich after an overnight coach trip down from where he now lives, last week DD20 and I had a theatre trip and dinner together for my birthday (her treat), and DS 17 has made me the proudest mum ever after performing in his last dance show. All 3 continue to need a LOT of emotional support and scaffolding through ‘adult’ responsibilities as they deal them which is exhausting, but I get to shower alone and a full nights sleep (except when hot flashes wake me up...). Babies and small children are physically exhausting, I remember it well and sympathise, but the emotional stuff as they get older is wearing in a different, but sometimes no less tiring, way.

0-1.5 worst time of my life with crippling PND.
Once that passed, it’s been great.

I can handle almost anything if my mental health is good.

I reckon the opposite. The hardest part was with a new born and a toddler. I'm loving having teenagers they are good company. The very hardest part may be adjusting when they leave home.

Loved newborn stage, hated toddler age, started to enjoy them again from age 4/5 and they're wonderful now - haven't experienced teenage years yet.

I'd say time consuming and physically draining when babies but now being a parent to a 20 year old is the most mentally draining.