I seriously don’t really like people - anyone

[SomeAfternoonDelight]

No seriously I don’t.

And is that unreasonable? Does that mean something’s wrong? It feels to me like there is. But it doesn’t really bother me. I haven’t got much feeling towards people anymore. I sometimes wish to be alone - totally alone.

Mumsnet is fascinating to see the anonymous dynamics of what’s mostly hysteria in someone’s life. Or dysfunctional dynamics. Or heartbreaking shit. And I think that’s unhealthy that, that might be why I come here. I will NC after this by the way 😂.

I have friends who I know love me whole heartedly. A DP who adores me. A mother who has always been devoted to me. Nieces and nephews who love me and depend on me. But then there’s just me. I don’t even know if I like myself? I love my dog. I really get that feeling of love in my tummy for my dog. And my DP - but it’s too intense my feelings for him it feels unreal it sickens me?

But ultimately I don’t like/love anyone, or anything. Is it the relationship I have with me? This, it’s getting tiresome. Is there something mentally wrong with me? Like something not right up in the old thinker?

Or do some of you feel this pit of emptiness that gets filled once in a blue moon?

I’ve had therapy.

There’s so much in my life that’s amazing. And I’m seriously just not living it at the moment. I’m only young - late 20s.

Fuck.

I get it, op. I adore my family, but other than that I feel nothing. No hate or malice, there's just nothing. I don't wish harm on anyone, but I don't want them in my life, either. I don't have or want to have anything to do with anyone outside of my very small circle. I'm 46, I feel happy with where and who I am, but the bullshit of the world has burned me out.

I love and like my kids.

That's it.

I get where you're coming from OP. I care for my family. My husband comes first, I have a small group of friends but oddly enough, the one who lives on the other side of the world, I'm closer to. My other friends could stop wanting to visit me and I think I'd be ok with that.

Much the same as a PP, I don't wish harm on others but I don't really care about them either.

I told my brother this one day and he called me a psychopath

I think this day and age is very much complicated for a simpleton such as myself. It’s tiring being alive!

I often wish to be totally alone

People seriously get on my nerves

Is that what you mean?

I’m very fond of mum, sister and best friend. But when mum is gone, I plan to leave London and live as quietly as possible.

Have you read the Sarah Maitland books? I could totally do that. A friend of a friend- someone I’ve never met - has actually left London for a remote bit of the Highlands and says he’s not going to come back here to visit, though he does welcome visitors there.

@PorcupinesAndPineTrees I do worry that the emptiness points to that but I have genuine empathy. I will cry at commercials. I will cry at almost everything and anything happy and sad. I am stable (somewhat). I’ve went through a lot the past decade and I think it’s stunted my emotional abilities in some way.

@RosaWaiting I spend 50% of my time in a city and the other 50% in one of the most remote bits of the UK surrounded by nature. It has not helped intact it’s probably made me realise how much I dislike people. O I genuinely have no love for most people I don’t know. And even the ones I do it’s limited. I never used to be like this.

I am similar. Very misanthropic. Ironically it seems to make people like me more. Which is odd. Maybe because I don't "need" them to like me.

OP yes I’m often asked why I don’t get away more
In part, it’s because I feel worse when I get back so might as well save the cash. Hotels are useless because noisier than my block of flats.Last break was welsh valleys. Coming back to the suburbs of London was awful.

If you've been through a lot, it could be disassociation? A kind of response to trauma where you shut down for a while?

@AnastasiaVonBeaverhausen the definition is me. I’ve heard that word, but it is me. Now that you’ve said it, it does ring true to home. I’ve never really needed anyone. Ever. And maybe that’s why people like me.

I understand what you mean.
I have always been very empathetic and interested in others. However in the past few years I have found that I just cant be bothered anymore. Other people irritate me. I cant stand crowds. I find most TV programmes over stimulating and shallow.

What nourishes me is nature and animals. I’ve recently moved to a city, and whilst I enjoy the things it has to offer, I cannot bear the traffic, noise and people.
I would love to live in a remote part of the highlands. In fact it’s my fantasy.
I understand what you mean about holidays making you feel worse on return @RosaWaiting. It’s an indication you are living the wrong life . I am finding the same thing now. Could you move?
I think modern life is just over loading people and burning them out. Constant bad news, toxicity, stress. I think we’d all be much happier living a much simpler life. We’re not meant to be living the lives we’re living, mostly.

@SomeAfternoonDelight

I get you OP.

I love my DH and 2 adult DC, and 2 BFFs, and very close immediate family.

But everyone else can fuck off tbh.

I used to be a people pleaser, and cared what people thought, but now - (knocking the door of 50,) I could not give a shit what anyone thinks, or about pleasing people that mean fuck-all to me.

Mainly down to the reason that most people I have encountered are selfish cunts, who could not give a rat's tit about me or what I think.

I don't let people in my house -and only very close family, and my 2 BFFs - get to come into my house. I don't care what people think. Too long in the tooth, to give a shiny shit.

Like a few others, I don't NEED to be liked by anyone.

COULD NOT GIVE A FUCK.

Wish I had been like I am now, from a much earlier age. It's liberating and exhilarating. I don't cow-tow to anyone, and I don't give a fuck what they think. It's wonderful.

Also, when you go through a few years, like i did, where important family members show they dont care about you, and stab you in the back, and you lose your mum and dad, it makes you build a big wall around your heart that you hardly let anyone in. And you stop yourself getting close to people. Ive gone from loving other people to being very wary of people. I find small talk with casual friends shallow. Im only interested in surrounding myself with those very few people who i 100% trust.

Im loving this thread. Makes me feel sane!!!

throughthelookinglass I can’t move because of my elderly mother. There’s no half way house till retirement anyway, which I hope to do at 50. I don’t think it’s going to be much help to live somewhere remote and then have a massive commute.

@Aroundnabout1 Sorry for your loss. (Both parents.)

It’s so nice to know it’s not me and had made me feel less black holed out. @Aroundnabout1 I hear you I dealt with immediate rejection for the first nearly two decades of my life. Feeling like I wasn’t good enough for a piece of shit who I now see as not good enough for me. There’s been so many people who have let me down In my life. It’s hard to trust people.

Am I going to be okay to have children with this attitude towards life? I worried about this until I rescued my dog, and realised that I can Love and love purely.

@Aroundnabout1 and I’m sorry for your loss. Jesus. X

@AtrociousCircumstance sounds like a possibility because it’s been in the recent years when everything’s calmed down. As I sit here and think about things it makes sense. And it’s a shame really. This world and the arses’ in it does take the best out of people.

@bluegirlgreen ha! Cunt! Love it! Yes fuck all of them!

Thanks for the good wishes x
And yes, SomeAfternoonDelight, if you have kids, and you are a bit wary of people, i found it makes you treasure every moment with them because they are like a part of you, rather than just another person. Its someone totally on your team, who gets you. If that makes sense?

I'm the same. I love my children. I don't care about anyone else. I have no need to socialise or any need to be liked.
I prefer animals to people.
I could quite happily never see another soul again. In fact, I used to daydream about everyone disappearing overnight when I was young. I've always been this way deep down, took me a while to put it into practice! It's liberating.

In a way I wouldn’t worry about it, but would focus on doing the things I loved without worry, the things that do matter.

Your dog for instance. You feel love for him, so - you can love. Maybe everything else has shifted or is shifting, in terms of how you relate to others. Detaching from codependency or from toxic ways of relating to unpleasant people - and the resultant numbness of being in the middle of that detachment - sounds like part of a process. Maybe at some point you will start to feel differently, on your own terms. Sparks of liking and/or love here and there. But as long as you’re kind and respectful enough to the people you have to interact with (in shops, at work, etc) then it’s all good and you can let your healing continue to take place, however it looks or feels. Maybe you’ll never like anyone again but that’s your right.

OP I feel like everything you've written in your last two comments is me to a tee.

Spent so long being a people pleaser, always trying to juggle countless friends even after I had my dtwins I would be frantic trying to please my friends still even though they rarely came to see us.

I pretty much cut them all out, had enough of it. Couldn't give less of a shit anymore. I just dont really like people.

I have an amazing husband, amazing kids, close with my parents and brother. Adore my dog, get on well with my inlaws. My best friend lives 400 miles away and I'm happy with seeing her a couple of times a year but we speak very frequently. Just so much happier this way, and sometimes I've thought theres something wrong with me as well.

@AtrociousCircumstance that’s the steps I’m trying to take. Shift the energy. I’m known to wallow in a little bit of self pity sometimes. I love the movie the grinch - he’s me.

I don’t understand constantly happy people. It exhausts me. It’s fake it’s not real. I find this day and age hard to live in. It’s all so complicated.

Even writing this has made me feel better to know there isn’t anything wrong. Maybe I’m not right but that’s fine. I’m not hurting anyone. Especially not me. This is my peace. Even if it involves the bare minimum people.