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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I seriously don’t really like people - anyone

158 replies

SomeAfternoonDelight · 07/08/2019 23:44

No seriously I don’t.

And is that unreasonable? Does that mean something’s wrong? It feels to me like there is. But it doesn’t really bother me. I haven’t got much feeling towards people anymore. I sometimes wish to be alone - totally alone.

Mumsnet is fascinating to see the anonymous dynamics of what’s mostly hysteria in someone’s life. Or dysfunctional dynamics. Or heartbreaking shit. And I think that’s unhealthy that, that might be why I come here. I will NC after this by the way 😂.

I have friends who I know love me whole heartedly. A DP who adores me. A mother who has always been devoted to me. Nieces and nephews who love me and depend on me. But then there’s just me. I don’t even know if I like myself? I love my dog. I really get that feeling of love in my tummy for my dog. And my DP - but it’s too intense my feelings for him it feels unreal it sickens me?

But ultimately I don’t like/love anyone, or anything. Is it the relationship I have with me? This, it’s getting tiresome. Is there something mentally wrong with me? Like something not right up in the old thinker?

Or do some of you feel this pit of emptiness that gets filled once in a blue moon?

I’ve had therapy.

There’s so much in my life that’s amazing. And I’m seriously just not living it at the moment. I’m only young - late 20s.

Fuck.

OP posts:
midsummabreak · 08/08/2019 00:58

so you've lost faith in humanity , and feel like others just are not worthy or worth your time?
Or you feel like its best to be comfortably numb , so shutting out all others helps to deal with feeling hideously overwhelmed?

Linseedlill · 08/08/2019 00:59

I think maybe part of it is that we invest so much in our dc that it makes other relationships outside of close family seem a bit trivial in comparison and also, frankly, kids sap your energy and you don't have as much to "give".

Original poster
SomeAfternoonDelight · 08/08/2019 01:00

@midsummabreak you know what, somewhere in between those two exact things

OP posts:
thecatinthetwat · 08/08/2019 01:02

I like very few people. I find most people so annoying, utterly infuriating or just mind blowingly boring. But sometimes I meet someone who is ace and I love them. About one every 10 years or so.

I think picky is good though, it suits me fine.

Btw, totally love my kids. They’re the best people in the world.

midsummabreak · 08/08/2019 01:04

Yeah that's a shit place to be. Been there, too, and it was due feeling like everyone wanting a piece of me , and at the same time, disgusted with so many arseholes happy to fake it so they can make it, but in a bad way, while hurting others

ReanimatedSGB · 08/08/2019 01:09

I think it's fine not to like people very much and want to keep yourself to yourself. It's only when you start wanting to harm other people that there's a problem. If you have DC, you need to be able to treat them with kindness and take an interest in them, though. I suppose if their other parent is able to engage and be openly affectionate, and you are able to at least fake liking, they will be all right.

Mileysmiley · 08/08/2019 01:15

I feel the same about some men I have met and have to make myself talk to them instead of telling them to go away ... I am not a man hater but some of them I find very ugly

Original poster
SomeAfternoonDelight · 08/08/2019 01:19

@mileysmiley I have a very odd relationship with men. Similar to yours it seems.

A lot of this comes down to the way I look. Air head (imagine a typical airhead girl) yep - kind of. But the fact vultures think I’m one thing and I’m actually another is like a power. They don’t know me at all. They can judge me as they like.

If you work in a male dominant area I hear you. The only way I got anywhere was by telling people to fuck off, and men thinking they had a chance, even though I told them to fuck off???????????

OP posts:
avamiah · 08/08/2019 01:25

I was married in my twenties and spent 15 years with a man who I divorced after finding out he was visiting prostitutes for many years of our marriage .
I then met a guy and had a child with him who I adore , she is 9 and my world but he isn’t.
I have had many friends a long the way but they all come and go.
I really don’t have time for socialising as my daughter takes up so much of my time and so does my mum who is 82 and really hard work.
I have a lot of “school mum” friends but to be honest I haven’t got time nor the patience for coffee mornings and monthly lunches in each other’s homes .In fact the thought of it sends my heart rate racing just writing about it.

Mileysmiley · 08/08/2019 01:26

I do get a lot attention from men and sometimes they won't take no an answer which I find annoying

Original poster
SomeAfternoonDelight · 08/08/2019 01:28

@avamiah you do you as much as you can we’re only here once. You and the kids just do stuff. It’s not always easy to leave, but do as much as you can to ensure your happy. It’s a grinding life sometimes X

OP posts:
Original poster
SomeAfternoonDelight · 08/08/2019 01:29

@Mileysmiley I hear ya. Vultures the problem is, We’re not even dead.

OP posts:
avamiah · 08/08/2019 01:41

SomeAfternoonDelight ,
Yes your right , I’m not here to please people and become their best friend.
Life is very short and we have to make the best of it.

VenusTiger · 08/08/2019 01:49

I totally get it OP, I don’t like how people wonder why I like spending time on my own. I prefer my own company (I mean as opposed to joining other moms for coffee and all that bollocks). I’m not antisocial, I’m actually very friendly, approachable, confident and polite. But I just am happy plodding around being busy at home while my DH is at work and my little man is at school.
I’ve realised lately, that people tend to moan, a lot - it depresses me, and I can’t be around people who leech off my happiness or ‘waste my time’. I don’t hate everyone. I just prefer not to be around ‘friends’.

KaleidoscopeEyes · 08/08/2019 02:00

I'm generally quite emotional, I cry quite easily if something moves me, and I laugh a lot of the time.

But I never tire of, and can never have enough of my own company. I never get lonely or bored.

I would quite happily live on my own for a long time. I do like and love my children madly, and I love DP, so regular short visits from them would be ok Wink

avamiah · 08/08/2019 02:11

VenusTiger,
Totally agree with you 100 percent about people who moan at you .
My daughter attended a judo club for a couple of years and of course she made friends as she was going every week etc .
So of course I took her there and picked her up, so you get chatting to mums/dads .
The rest is history , one of my daughters friends mum was so depressing and negative that she was making me feel miserable .Always going on about her bills ,work etc etc .
She made me feel bad about myself

Omg so true ,
My daughter used to attend a judo club

avamiah · 08/08/2019 02:15

My daughter did judo and dance and she decided that she wanted to concentrate on her dance so she gave up judo but the mum was still texting me 6 months later and in the end I had to block her number .

ladybird69 · 08/08/2019 02:17

I hate people. I look for islands that I could possibly buy where I could live as a hermit. I seem to remember there was a Ben fogle show and It showed people and families who just walk away from civilisation, that would suit me down to the ground. People are getting uglier and uglier, not their looks but their souls, I wanna to live with animals and nature. That’s why I keep doing the lottery

1forAll74 · 08/08/2019 02:25

I am not sure why people. counting me as well,get into this situation of not liking people any more. I can't say I dislike,or hate people at all, but I really like just being me now. I am not sure if its a product of all that went on before in my life, as in shit and crappy times, or just that I am an oldie now,and can be free to think,and do as I please, with not many people in my life.

I must admit, that I don't seem to like many people these days, apart from my two adult children,,and my cats !! I am quite chatty and sociable. but don't ever get very close to anyone,, but not sad about this,as I like it this way.

TheSpamCounter · 08/08/2019 03:56

It's not that unusual these days. Even family values have changed.
I live on my own but come from a big family. No parents or partner tho. Just me.
Even tho people check in occasionally I tend not to reciprocate so the check ins have got less and less frequent in the past few years. Also got a few big family occasions coming up which I'm currently building up the courage to tell them I won't be attending.
It'll be the usual fluff and bluster when they find out but I genuinely just don't feel much of anything towards any of them.
Friends also gave up trying a year or so ago.
Bearing in mind I had always been a bit of a social animal, I'm sure they've all had a good natter about my self imposed solitary confinement, suggesting that I must be depressed or something.
Whatever they think tho, it'll be way off the mark.
I'm completely fine. I just don't have any interest in any of them.
Tbh, I dread the day that something happens to one of them tho and I have to attend their funeral.

That's how much I just can't be bothered.

Harsh but true

user87382294757 · 08/08/2019 05:19

I'm glad to read this thread as was feeling guilt about being like this also and could not share with anyone in RL. Went to a counsellor once who suggested it is for my own protection after going NC with birth family. But think it is more since having Dcs.

Fillipe · 08/08/2019 05:40

Me too. I have no friends, don't need them don't want them. DH is my best friend. Luckily (to balance it out for the kids) DH loves people and chats to anyone and everyone Grin I just realised the other day though, if I died there would be only three people at my funeral, DH and 2DC. Then I thought "so what?" Wine

fortheloveofPete · 08/08/2019 05:51

It's the fakery and bullshit that I'm sick to back teeth of for me.

Men who only want one thing, friends that only moan and use people. People doing, saying or buying things to look better than they are..the lies, the two faced nature of pretty much everyone I meet. The insistence of everything you do to be on social media and the grief you get if you refuse to have anything to do with it- Jesus. The news, the constant stream of bullshitting self serving politicians.
Everyone is so agressive

What happened to bring genuine and honest? What happened to bring happy with your lot?

And yet I'm the weird one because I'm honest, I don't care about the next thing, I don't care about what others think, I don't have the time or energy to be fake friendly with people I really dont like and I love my own company.

The world and most people in it are just exhausting.

throughthelookinglass · 08/08/2019 06:00

The trouble is if you put all your energies into DP and children , one day one of you will die and leave the other alone. Adult children have their own lives and often live a long way away. Then life becomes very difficult unless you are happy being totally alone.

throughthelookinglass · 08/08/2019 06:01

@fortheloveofPete
This is how I feel too.