I seriously don’t really like people - anyone

[SomeAfternoonDelight]

No seriously I don’t.

And is that unreasonable? Does that mean something’s wrong? It feels to me like there is. But it doesn’t really bother me. I haven’t got much feeling towards people anymore. I sometimes wish to be alone - totally alone.

Mumsnet is fascinating to see the anonymous dynamics of what’s mostly hysteria in someone’s life. Or dysfunctional dynamics. Or heartbreaking shit. And I think that’s unhealthy that, that might be why I come here. I will NC after this by the way 😂.

I have friends who I know love me whole heartedly. A DP who adores me. A mother who has always been devoted to me. Nieces and nephews who love me and depend on me. But then there’s just me. I don’t even know if I like myself? I love my dog. I really get that feeling of love in my tummy for my dog. And my DP - but it’s too intense my feelings for him it feels unreal it sickens me?

But ultimately I don’t like/love anyone, or anything. Is it the relationship I have with me? This, it’s getting tiresome. Is there something mentally wrong with me? Like something not right up in the old thinker?

Or do some of you feel this pit of emptiness that gets filled once in a blue moon?

I’ve had therapy.

There’s so much in my life that’s amazing. And I’m seriously just not living it at the moment. I’m only young - late 20s.

Fuck.

Not sure you have particularly higher values than the rest of us op. I also would help strangers in trouble yet i am not a misanthrope.

@vulpine sorry I really didn’t mean that to come across in such a way, I was just highlighting that only two people stopped out of 30 maybe more? And the boy was getting kicked in the head. And I see just little stuff all of the time like noted above.

@TatianaLarina your probably right. After actually posting here and thinking about why, how and when I’m able to answer myself, but with a mush up of answers. There has been trauma in my life but not as bad as a lot of people. There’s something going on I just can’t explain and put into words I suppose. I just wanted to know that many people are happy to just most of the time be with only a good set of few.

I too see things like this all the time so I'm not sure its connected just another facet of who you are. Or are you saying you are more sensitive than your average person which is why you don't like people - so you're kind of too sensitive for this world kind of thing?

I always feel uneasy when people say they prefer animals to people, it seems as if they just want constant love and affection without the challenges of a human relationship.

The spectrum thing could be a factor, do you feel overwhelmed with noise and stimulation OP because I hugely do (I have for a long time suspected I have ADHD) A lot of places make me anxious and I think it’s because they’re over stimulating so that can by why people don’t want to go out.

In exactly the same OP.
I love my husband, and I love my mum.
I like my other family - but beyond that I tolerate company when necessary.
I love being alone!

@Vulpine I will admit I’m a little flower in a lot of ways. I cry often. I’m a very sensitive deep soul. I analyse most things in life. It’s quite exhausting. And I’m a true believer that it is the little things that matter and I find a lot of people miss that. I know it’s all over the place.

@helendee I suppose you are right in that sense. It is weird when you word it as such. My dog would never hurt me like a human could. They have no hidden agenda. They are pure souls. And, my dog is absolutely brilliantly funny and fab might I add. I find people who don’t LOVE dogs unnerving! Ha!

@Siameasy when young my mum took me to the doctors with suspected ADHD and it came back I didn’t have it. Yes sometimes I can feel withdrawn when there’s too much going on around me.

I love my immediate family and friends ive known since i was small or a young teen, but most others i feel little for really. I am always pleasant and kind and see the other persons point of view, but mostly I find myself disliking others more and more, or finding them irritating as i've grown older! I know i need to not be like this so much plus i know a lot of them probably dont like me either !

I think there's lots of things going on here. One is being introvert. Many many people, possibly most, need to recharge after being around other people. I am really very sociable- to the point I then need silence and peace and quiet. Obviously some people are even more introverted than that and prefer their own company- my grandma is like that, one of my dd's is like that.

Then there's the 'who do you love' question. Weirdly, all these misanthrope people on this thread seem to love quite a lot of people! Loving your partner, your children, perhaps a sibling, your mum and a couple of friends is actually normal. Very few people deeply love a very large amount of people! I might chat to work colleagues in an animated way, or even be interested in what they do, but I don't love them or even like them in a profound deep way, we are all just rubbing along together in the same workspace.

Some of the 'weirdness' on this thread isn't very weird- there are people who live much more remote lives and don't form relationships at all.

I think feeling like you are acting though, and that disconnect between who you are and who you have to be in the world is dispiriting and disorienting, and it is that that is problematic rather than how many people you love/whether you are up for a party. It's horrible, and may signal something else going on that has made you distant/withdraw from people (and possibly sensibly, possibly through depression, possibly through being hurt). It sounds like you are rather frightened of strong emotions like really loving your partner.

I've become like this too @SomeAfternoonDelight

For me, I've always been shy of people and preferred one on one friendships but grew in confidence and had a lot of friends in my late teens and 20's.

However, I have suffered a lot with various things in the last 15 years and found people to be superficial, shallow, fake, thoughtless, hurtful and lacking of any empathy for me. This includes my own sister and parents.

Going through challenges in life without any support changes a person, makes you hardy and tough - on the outside anyway. Inside I long for a connection with someone but it just never happens. Life overwhelms me now and I feel completely disconnected with everything and everyone.

I also love nature and animals. I love and need a simple life. People drain me so much, I find nothing positive about spending time with others anymore. When the shit hits the fan no one cares.

I just wanted to know that many people are happy to just most of the time be with only a good set of few.

Absolutely they are. It’s fine to prefer the company of close friends and family.

I think more people believe the little things matter than you would think, I certainly do, so i dont think you are as different as you believe, however I definitely prefer the company of people to dogs

Verticality This site is not a great advertisement for women or for humanity. There's a great deal of snobbery, punching down, and seriously off-the-charts reactions to small triggers. People frequently show a lack of capacity to empathise ...

Wow! This is intriguing. I've always felt like Mumsnet is populated with empathetic, strong, witty women who I wish I knew in real life! Sure, posters can be unpleasant but then a load of other posters will pull them up on it. I wonder if it's like the view that the BBC is biased - people claiming it's biased both to the political left and right, suggesting it's actually quite balanced... hmm

Like othe posters here, I'm pretty disappointed in humanity overall. I grew up thinking we should all support each other, help the needy, feed the hungry, blah blah, thought from a young age that community mattered more than people realised.... Then I encountered the real world, with the constant two-faced behaviour, lying to get ahead, lack of concern about honesty or integrity, lack of self-reflection to increase integrity, etc... Did an online test a while back (based on real psych questionnaire) that scored me as highly pro-social and empathetic, except in the area of group loyalty which I scored very low on. But I don't think loyalty to the group is a nice social thing - its what makes people "take sides" rather than care about fairness in the situation at hand. Discrimination, nepotism, conflicts, scapegoating, lacking empathy... all can stem from loyalty to one's group.

I think humanity is pretty messed up if we measure empathy in part by group loyalty. In fact there's lots of "normal" human behaviours that are quite awful.

I would say that though - I'm Autistic, as it turns out (where a concern with fairness, and being sensitive, are somehow seen as an impairment ). I suspect some posters here may find the female ASD profile informative reading...

@SomeAfternoonDelight

Apologies if my post was too complicated. What I’m trying to say is if, as some people claim, other people are boring, etc, etc, then they can judge you in the same way.

I get it OP.

At times I think I don't like people (as a species) enough to make any.

I love / like my nearest and dearest, and animals, but the rest I can take or leave.

As per a pp I have wondered about ASD maybe being a factor.

On a forum like this, this is bound to resonate with a fair few introverts who are happily pottering about alone or WFH, alone.

It takes all sorts to make a world. Would be boring if everyone was the same.

Sorry my post was intended for @throughthelookinglass

I get you. I’ve often thought this about myself. I love my dc, dh, parents, siblings and their partners. I love my pets very much. That’s about it. I like my friends. I enjoy their company although I don’t spend a lot of time with them. It’s sad but even my closest friends, if I never saw them again, it wouldn’t really bother me.

I have been called a psychopath before, mostly by ex’s. One of my friends I’ve known since school tells me that I get over things ‘way too quickly’. Like when my grandmother died, she felt I was over it too soon and this meant I didn’t care.

I think I’m just good at compartmentalising and deal with most things this way. Also, as I’ve got older, I’ve stopped giving a shit.

The people i tend to dislike the most are the fakers or the ones where everything is so wonderful in their lives, you just realise that it cant possibly be so good ! Nobody has the perfect life, but trying to pretend otherwise must be so exausting. Social media hasnt helped this as the pressure to have it all is huge. I see through a lot of it.

What I wanted to gain out of this post was either people posting that I have an issue or people feeling similar.

I don’t care about being normal or not really. I suppose the answer is, I still need to find me and accept me.

I so thankful for all of your input, you have no idea how much it’s made me not broken. But just perfectly fucked, ha!

Xxx

Your post resonates OP

But certainly would not have done in my late twenties.

What makes me sad is how so many posters can’t seems to accept that others don’t share their stance and instead its “fake” “insincere” etc.

Of course that in some instances it is. But many people do genuinely enjoy and thrive on company and meeting new people and chewing the fat with people they hardly know.

I used to be like that all the time. Now I’m much happier in own company but do sometimes need and relish company with people beyond immediate family

Great thread. I think a lot of this has to do with age. Hitting 50 soon and I have changed a lot.

I actually think I seriously dislike people as a whole. Apart from a couple of freak of nature travesties I can honestly say that most of the miseries in my life have been brought on by other peoples behaviour and thoughtlessness. As I age I care less about people in general but then in contrast I work with vulnerable people. I have lots of time for people who are struggling with life due to no fault of their own (illness, poor mental heath, tragedies that have knocked them off axis) but I have absolutely no tolerance for fuckwhittery, selfishness or meanness from anyone else. Also as I age the scales have fallen from my eyes about men and how absolutely selfish and vile they are.

I love my immediate family passionately and a couple of others. As I get older I want to make more friends, but female ones. I don't need any more men in my life.

Sometimes I feel lonely but I actually think this is societal pressure on me, not my true inner feelings. I think I am weird because I don't have a gang of 8 female friends that I go our with all the time and get smashed on Prosecco. I wish I could have an implant that sent my brain messages telling me I'm happy when alone. I want to live in that crumbly Greek house the original Mamma Mia woman was in.

If ASD means Anti Social then yes, bring it on!

Most friendships are very superficial

Bit of a wild statement!

Sure, if you make zero effort in maintaining them then friendships just become acquaintances then eventually fizzle out.