I seriously don’t really like people - anyone

[SomeAfternoonDelight]

No seriously I don’t.

And is that unreasonable? Does that mean something’s wrong? It feels to me like there is. But it doesn’t really bother me. I haven’t got much feeling towards people anymore. I sometimes wish to be alone - totally alone.

Mumsnet is fascinating to see the anonymous dynamics of what’s mostly hysteria in someone’s life. Or dysfunctional dynamics. Or heartbreaking shit. And I think that’s unhealthy that, that might be why I come here. I will NC after this by the way 😂.

I have friends who I know love me whole heartedly. A DP who adores me. A mother who has always been devoted to me. Nieces and nephews who love me and depend on me. But then there’s just me. I don’t even know if I like myself? I love my dog. I really get that feeling of love in my tummy for my dog. And my DP - but it’s too intense my feelings for him it feels unreal it sickens me?

But ultimately I don’t like/love anyone, or anything. Is it the relationship I have with me? This, it’s getting tiresome. Is there something mentally wrong with me? Like something not right up in the old thinker?

Or do some of you feel this pit of emptiness that gets filled once in a blue moon?

I’ve had therapy.

There’s so much in my life that’s amazing. And I’m seriously just not living it at the moment. I’m only young - late 20s.

Fuck.

I used to think I didn't like many people because there were simply too many utterly nasty ones in the world. I could cope with that.

What really took away my remaining faith in humans was the slow realisation of what even kind, caring, seemingly lovely people were prepared to do or say... to me and to each other... when something they wanted was up for grabs. I have been truly astonished at people's cold, mercenary self-interest.

Yep I'm the same. I love my family and that's it.
I have a couple of close friends but I very much prefer to be on my own or with my family. One of my friends is very social and invites me and the DC to hers all the time but I just can't be bothered. Especially as I see her at school on a daily basis. My other friend is a few years younger than me and she has a lot of family drama which I get told about all the time and I find I end up distancing myself from her when she tells me about it because I just don't care or want to hear about it.
I'm very much an introvert and being around people/socialising just wears me out!
Funnily enough a few years ago I hated doing things by myself and always needed a "friend" with me. Now I just go and do things myself because I learned that you can't rely on anyone

I actually think this is a very normal way to feel. So many people virtue signal, showing off all their efforts for ‘charidee maaan’ when all they really care about it other people thinking they are ‘woke’.

Then there is a very small minority of people who do things for others without telling anyone.

Then there’s the rest of us who get up and make a cup of tea when the charity ads come on, never giving enough of a fuck to contribute unless our kids school demands a contribution for some ‘charity day’. We begrudgingly stick a quid in but really, we’d rather spend it on a bar of chocolate for ourselves.

But to admit we don’t really care about others is to invite the wrath of the pearl clutchers. So we keep quiet, believing we are the odd ones.

I think caring only for your nearest and dearest is the hidden norm.

Thefastandcurious - plenty of people live rich and rewarding lives without the kind of apathy you describe and without being 'charidee' virtue signallers.

I am completely respectful of the views expressed on this thread.

I am more extravert than introvert and enjoy the company of other people. I do totally get that people are confusing, complicated and sometimes mean-spirited, but unless there are sociopathic tendencies most people have a good side to them.

I would not like to lose my faith in people despite what's going on today.

Maybe you're just not a people person and there's nothing wrong with that - as long as you can handle everyday situations by being polite or whatever is needed.
It's probably best not to turn your back on the human race entirely - you never know if you'll be in an emergency when you either need or can offer help.

Most of us are reasonable if given the chance.

Im quite aware of that Vulpine. Nevertheless..

@SomeAfternoonDelight because I can’t talk about this in real life, I can’t discuss this and chatting to people on an anonymous site is really the only way. I could never ever speak to anyone close to me about this

Maybe the issue is you can't show your feelings? Except when hiding behind a screen?

I mean that kindly by the way.

I think there is a misconception that all the world is full of people with masses of friends. This is not my experience.

Social isolation though is definitely bad for health- the science shows that.

But if you have a good family and a couple of friends, that may be enough.

I think you are kidding yourself if you say you do not love your DP, your mum, your extended family.

If that is true , genuinely so, they are getting a rough deal from their relationships with you. They are giving out and you presumably are not giving much back.

Maybe you ought to focus on what love/ like means to you.
I think you sound very confused and although you've had lots of replies, they are not really saying the same thing.

To have a close family and a DP, but say you don't love or like them is odd.

Why do you have a DP if you don't like them?

gingham exactly that - my ds isn't a a people person, but at age 17 he sometimes is disappointed at having no social life, although he doesn't do social media so he's removed himself from a lot of involvement with teenage drama...

OP I don't have a partner or children.

tbh I really wouldn't have children, feeling as you do. you might not like your children and having children is going to involve a huge amount of shite trite people interaction as well.

also, you might really regret having children! Just more human beings. WGAF?! Well, I'm saying that to you because I think you might relate.

from the outside, I have a sociable job, a lot of "networking" types who can be relied upon to produce invites to gallery openings etc etc. but that's just the way things turned out in terms of earning a living.

When I don't have to talk to anyone at all it's bliss.

I do have a support network who have helped me when I've been ill and so on.

but being brutally honest - when mum is gone, I consider that my last obligation to anyone to be gone. I will obviously be nice to people generally! But that last obligation going....are you prepared to have it forever, with a child? It doesn't go when they are 18. When my father died, he didn't know I was going through a health investigation as well. You will still have those obligations when your child is 40. and they went through a lot when I experience severe injury and major illness in my 30s.

this on top of the problems I have linked to asthma, and depression and anxiety. I do find the whole little children thing spectacularly boring and stressful but I used to think, adult children must be nice. Well, maybe, but even with the best of intentions, at some points, my parents have had to worry sick about me, while in their 70s!!

@SomeAfternoonDelightBut ultimately I don’t like/love anyone, or anything. Is it the relationship I have with me? This, it’s getting tiresome. Is there something mentally wrong with me? Like something not right up in the old thinker?

Yes. Or you are kidding yourself even now, posting this.

There is a difference between being an introvert, happy with your own company, not needing many friends, liking solitude. Most posters here are empathising with you on that. That's all fine.

But to have existing relationships with your parents, DP , and family and say you neither love nor like them (without giving any reason) is odd.

Clearly you do not have to be in a relationship, so why are you if you don't love or like the person?

You say you had therapy- maybe some more would answer these Qs?

PS don't think of anything "wrong" with yourself OP. Currently society is all about the extroverts and the feelz and that kind of thing. Admitting you don't like people is a "sin" in this society, for want of a better word.

Read some books about hermits!

I think 99% of the posts here are missing the point.

The OP is not saying she is a quiet one or an introvert. She says she doesn't love or like the people already in her life- her mum, DP and extended family.

I wonder how she relates to them day to day, with these feelings?
Surely they must sense this?

I think I get what your saying/feeling OP.

If somebody asked me for help in some way, even a stranger I would do my upmost to help them probably putting their needs above my own and feel I am very empathetic towards people and animals (maybe even too empathetic as others suffering can really affect me for days later) But I only ever have very superficial relationships with others.

I’m very close to my DM, my DH, my animals but other than that I tend to hold others at arms length and am quite happy to not build close friendships.

I can’t think of a time I’ve ever really had a friend that actually knew very much about me although as a child/teen/YA was very much surrounded by ‘friends’ not one of them really knew me.

Now I’m older I feel more able to say I don’t really want any friends and am happy to not have anyone in my life other than DH, DM and animals.

Maybe I’m very selfish? Maybe I can’t form friendships due to some MH issues or similar but I simply don’t care.

For example I might help someone move or lend them money, give them food, loan my car/possessions, etc but I don’t want a relationship with them. They could call on me at anytime and I’ll do whatever is needed but that’s really all I’m happy to give others. Maybe once a month I could bring myself to meet them for an hour but that would be it.

pp highlighting the DP - yes, I hate having intense feelings for anyone. It is annoying and gets in the way of happiness.

it's often totally irrational and gets on your nerves.

it is in fact, the Hot Priest speech in Fleabag - the "love is awful" speech. But I also think love is a choice. You can walk away from the nuisance bloke if it's all just a PITA.

You probably feel more than you realise.
I know a few people who don't feel any connection with their family, but that's because they have good reason.
I'm not suggesting this is the case for you, but it's usually due to childhood trauma that occurred within the family.

I've always wished to be like that, OP. I'm too far the other way, utterly dependent on what other people think, driven by fear of loneliness. It must be great to be so free, emotionally.

SomeAfternoonDelight
I totally understand the unconditional love you get from pets, especially dogs but personally I need human interaction too, however I am a confirmed introvert and love my alone time.

No I am confused. Those who have said that are right. I am feeling particularly ‘manic’ and crazy at the moment. A lot of crazy strong and very empty feelings. I do love my DP intensely. Which feels unnatural but maybe that’s what it is. I do love my mum. I do like my friends. My relationships probably are getting a raw deal from me. Which is shit and I don’t like. I’m sorry I’m inconsistent. This is a genuine post. I suppose my responses speak for themselves. I’m probably being dramatic. Confused. Unsure.

Also, OP, have you really changed or is it just life?

at school, you're forced to do social things. Often, if you do uni, there will be group work. At work, many things are based around a team.

then you might have family pressure to do social events.

I wonder if some of us get to a certain age and think "fuck off". Partly because we have the courage and the self belief, partly because we might have been lucky enough to save some cash to choose a bit more between jobs etc.

OP " I am feeling particularly ‘manic’ and crazy at the moment"

people overload does that to me.

There’s a lot I don’t relate to here. However, I choose not to have close friends, except those from childhood/university who are more like family. They aren’t local so I see them sporadically anyway.
I used to invest a lot in friendships. Friends were my world really, but now my DH and DC and pets are my world. People like me and want to be my pal, but all my emotional energy goes into family and all my headspace is taken up by work and family.
Unlike previous posters I do feel sad about it as friendship has been such a massive part of my life, but in all honesty I don’t want all the chaos of a house full of people all the time. Misanthropic but you have to be family or have known me 20 years to get through my door for more than an hour or two

No I am confused. Those who have said that are right. I am feeling particularly ‘manic’ and crazy at the moment. A lot of crazy strong and very empty feelings. I do love my DP intensely. Which feels unnatural but maybe that’s what it is. I do love my mum. I do like my friends.

So within the time of your thread you have gone from saying you don't love those people ^^ to you do. A few minutes ago you said you didn't love nor like any of them.

Maybe you need more therapy OR alternatively, get busy with your life (are you working???) and stop thinking on it all so much. Just live life and stop being introspective.

I really don't think you are at all unusual in what you're describing - a lot of people feel like that. It's quite boringly normal, in fact.

@jinglinghellsbells haha! No I get it I’m a nightmare. This is what I have to deal with... all over the place. I am working yes. But I have A LOT of time on my hands. When you write things down you gain perspective because your made to re read and re think which is what I came here to do - really. And it’s made me realise that as people have said I am normal. It is okay to be a little bit confused and all over the place. It’s okay to not really want to be around people. And I feel better for just blabbing on and reading and realising that maybe the confusion is normal. I shouldn’t have posted really I’m in a little bit of a lower mood. But posting has made me find clarity.