I seriously don’t really like people - anyone

[SomeAfternoonDelight]

No seriously I don’t.

And is that unreasonable? Does that mean something’s wrong? It feels to me like there is. But it doesn’t really bother me. I haven’t got much feeling towards people anymore. I sometimes wish to be alone - totally alone.

Mumsnet is fascinating to see the anonymous dynamics of what’s mostly hysteria in someone’s life. Or dysfunctional dynamics. Or heartbreaking shit. And I think that’s unhealthy that, that might be why I come here. I will NC after this by the way 😂.

I have friends who I know love me whole heartedly. A DP who adores me. A mother who has always been devoted to me. Nieces and nephews who love me and depend on me. But then there’s just me. I don’t even know if I like myself? I love my dog. I really get that feeling of love in my tummy for my dog. And my DP - but it’s too intense my feelings for him it feels unreal it sickens me?

But ultimately I don’t like/love anyone, or anything. Is it the relationship I have with me? This, it’s getting tiresome. Is there something mentally wrong with me? Like something not right up in the old thinker?

Or do some of you feel this pit of emptiness that gets filled once in a blue moon?

I’ve had therapy.

There’s so much in my life that’s amazing. And I’m seriously just not living it at the moment. I’m only young - late 20s.

Fuck.

I feel like this too OP. I've always enjoyed doing things by myself. I remember my friends as a teenager thinking I was odd for doing things alone, but I wanted to enjoy doing something for what it was without someone else badgering me.

I'm generally polite, will chat to people in passing, at work etc. But I'm quite happy on my own most of the time. I'm not rude about it. I just prefer my own company to that of others.

OP, I think you will probably be fine to have kids. I have two kids. I love them lots. I am noticing though that they are quite like me as well. My eldest especially likes to be on his own.

Yeah I only care about my family. Haven’t any friends don’t want any either.
I can go days without seeing or speaking to anyone. Family will text.
I remember going into a shop and my voice being croaky because I hadn’t used it for ages.
Never bored.

Is that really true though OP?

You are close to your family, you have friends, a loving husband and a dog.

How could you maintain all these relationships if you did not care? You couldn't.

I would empathise more if you were a true loner who only relations were with your children and your partner. However, you have a wide social circle compared to many people.

I think it is healthy for people to have self confidence and not care what others think but don't mistake that into thinking you are closed off to the world. You are not.

I am exactly like you. Love my husband, my son and my dogs very much. Just about tolerate everyone else.

I gave up trying to please people last year because you just can't.

I just wish I'd got there younger (40's)

I'm not keen. Totally prefer cats.

I've booked today to WFH as I've just had 3 weeks straight (2 of them on holiday) just surrounded by people. And I am totally peopled out.

Love my husband and kids and my mum and sister. Not too sure about anyone else. I even ended 2 friendships last year because I just didn't like them as people. Way too much backstabbing and bitching and I just can't do with it. I'm a happy loner 😂

Throughthelookinglass, I think Atmos is saying that if we were all to attribute such negative attributes to others then others would also attribute the same negative attributes to us.

I always quite naively felt that I should do unto others as I would have done to me. I still try very hard to live my the maxim but I get stung quite regularly by others who assume wrongly that I'm weaker. I'm not, I mostly now shrug it off, I really am that cynical. I know who I am and I don't need someone I barely know to define that for me.

I get this op.

There are, realistically, only five or six people out of all eight billion people on the planet that I actually like. Even if some of them are lovely, the likelihood of meeting one of the lovely ones is pretty remote. (my parents, my partner, my ds and my two childhood best friends who are more like siblings are the six people I like)

The rest I don't actively hate, but I don't like them either. Not extended family, friends of friends, acquaintances, colleagues, strangers. Non of them. In fact sometimes I just barely tolerate them.

I've been like this since I was a small child and much prefer my own company to other people's. I'm quite sure I'm not depressed as I have plenty of things that give me great joy, I am quite content, I am not sad or disinterested in everything and everyone. Just the vast majority of people.

Classic misanthrope.

Your post mashes together loads of different types of relationship. I'm tempted to suggest separating these out to give yourself a clearer picture.

You're right about Mumsnet, to start with. This site is not a great advertisement for women or for humanity. There's a great deal of snobbery, punching down, and seriously off-the-charts reactions to small triggers. People frequently show a lack of capacity to empathise that is so self-evident that I wonder whether a disproportionately high number of posters here have some kind of difficulty in that area. But maybe that's just how the internet makes some types of people behave.

Real life relationships: you clearly feel deeply about your dog and your DP, but you feel a bit affectless sometimes. I think there are three possibilities here. Firstly, you may be genuinely affectless at times, possibly slightly depressed, perhaps suffering from the quarter-life crisis in terms of finding your way, or feeling that life is happening more colourfully and intensely elsewhere. Secondly, it could be that you have expectations of affect that are too high - that you expect to be incredibly up or down instead of enjoying a calm peacefulness somewhere inbetween those extremes. Thirdly, it could be that, despite your outwardly perfect life, this isn't really "for you". Loads of people get sucked into The Script: mortgage, career, husband, kids - and while many are satisfied by it, many are not and find that an outwardly perfect life is inwardly empty, and that they need to find an alternative path that brings them joy. Those who feel this, but wed themselves to debt and material possessions end up prematurely old in spirit and bitter, in my experience.

Only you can tell which of these is true for you.

@vulpine sure, I used to like people, problem is that I was brought up to be polite, respectful, courteous, loving. And the more that isn't reciprocated, both individually and societally, the more disappointed I get.

Human interaction comes in all guises. You're interacting with people right now. You couldn't have this debate with your dog or your cat.

I am a bit of a loner tbh ... I did have a very close friend and we used to do lots of stuff together but she died and I haven't wanted or needed to replace her.

@ukgift2016 I don’t know whether I was hoping someone would ask that or wouldn’t. It’s all very forced most of the time. It makes me feel so awkward it feels like a show. its hard to put my finger on. And really what’s going on inside I mightn’t never have the words to explain. I can’t put this feeling into words. I say things and do things because it’s expected of me to do so, and every single relationship has been moulded on my terms. And I’m good at covering that up.

Let me tell you this. It is normally only me, who can make me laugh so much my belly hurts.

I care about people on the whole, I just don't want to be around them.

I have my mum & dad, my brother, DH and my 2 DC and my dog, that's it. If I visit my mum, I feel exhausted after and need hours of quiet to compensate for socialising, as much as I love her.

I'm hardly ever alone and cherish it when I am. I don't want friends or any more relationships with anyone. I could happily go months without speaking to a soul. I never used to be this way, I don't know what happened, but I don't see it as an issue, I'm happy with the way things are.

Like MiniTheMinx my job is mentally and physically draining. Emergency services. That’s got to be a factor. You see the worse of humanity.

Meowtsetung - I was brought up to be all those things too and yes I've been stung and disappointed in life and others sometimes but I still have faith in people over all.

@growlingbear I was. I was deeply depressed and was for about a year. I nearly lost my dog, which I lay in bed for a whole week crying. I cried that much it made me severely ill. A lot of things have happened consistently over the last decade. A new year a new problem almost. I do love my partner, in a so much it just hurts kind of way. Family dynamics are tough, never got told I was loved much. I do now. That was a problem my mum needed to sort with herself. But I always knew I was loved. I never had to question that. And I love my mum. If anything happened to her it would hurt like hell. But I could go weeks without speaking to her (though she speaks to me most days)

I definitely feel like this sometimes and it's refreshing to hear others say the same!

I often wonder if it's down to social media and modern technology meaning we are constantly contactable. I just don't want to talk to people all the time! And everyone shares every detail of their lives with you that it's actually pretty hard to care about every detail from everyone.

I'd debated writing a post similar to this a few times. Since I've been on maternity leave I've had so many invitations to do things and it doesn't seem acceptable to just say no with no reason, especially as I don't want people to think that wanting to be alone with the baby means I have PND (interesting that a few PP have mentioned depression actually). I just like my own company.

So many posters seem to feel the same that I think we can say you are perfectly sane OP. So if you're happy then I guess you should not worry?

(And BTW I think this is why mumsnet is good, you can interact with other humans and remain completely anonymous)

OP, you sound very much like my DC in your outlook. Have you ever considered you may be on the spectrum perhaps as a high functioning autistic? Your feelings really resonate in that respect.

Google some ASD screening tests aimed especially at women. It might be a lightbulb moment for you.

@SomeAfternoonDelight
But you come to a chat forum to discuss? Can you see the irony of needing people's opinions when you say you can do without them.

The difference is and I believe you people who have said you feel similar, would agree, that if I seen someone passed out on the floor I WOULD help if their car had broken down I WOULD help if someone needed help with their bags I WOULD help if someone needed me to get something from them from the top of the shelf I WOULD help I would always at least TRY! The list goes on. Literally most things I would help someone. And I’ve seen people who wouldn’t.

Driving tonight, two young boys having a fight on a Main Street cars just kept driving, a boy was on the floor getting his head kicked. I stopped the car and I screamed at them. Because that boy could have died. People kept walking, no one bothered to stop their car they seen. They seen what was happening. Yes people might have been scared - your in a car you can drive away.

So maybe actually the reason I am
Like this is because my values are much much more than this society could possibly understand. And it kills me that I am surround by people who Do not hold the same values. You know normal respectable ones.

And it’s probably years of the third eye working for me to realise there is no ‘humanity’ anymore just fucking things.

I’ve met lots of people who are much happy with animals. Humans are messy, complex and often irritating and I like people!

Do you have any ASD traits? Some people with ASD are much happy with a small group of trusted humans who ‘get’ them. Ditto feeling huge affinity and love for animals. See Chris Packham’s wonderful documentary.

@jinglinghellsbells no ofcourse I can, but this is because I can’t talk about this in real life, I can’t discuss this and chatting to people on an anonymous site is really the only way. I could never ever speak to anyone close to me about this. It’s nice to also see people do feel the same and I probably don’t have something seriously wrong.

Ime a lot of people who are misanthropic don’t like themselves as much as not liking other people. They don’t like the feelings they have around others so that leads them to want to avoid them.

People who describe themselves as introverts, socially phobic, socially anxious - genuinely find being with other people difficult. I find there’s usually a lot going on with these types emotionally inside - hurts, fears, traumas, tension, difficulties with self etc.

I think the answers to issues with the outside world are generally to be found within.

because I can’t talk about this in real life

Well you could. Either to your friends/family or to a therapist. People who have difficulties with others often have anxiety around honesty, open-ness, vulnerability, self revelation. It sounds like you’re holding a lot of stuff within that you’ve told yourself you can’t express.

@verticality very interesting to read. I don’t know, and maybe that is the biggest problem. It’s all mashed up together.