Cool wives

[SignedUpJust4This]

Is it me or is there some sort of competition amongst us women folk over who can be the best wife and put up with the most shit.

Whenever someone posts about their selfish and unreasonable OH someone else always responds that this is perfectly normal and all men do this so we should put up with it.

It seems to range from the marginally reasonable
'My OH works FT so he never does a night feed or changes a nappy' to 'I do EVERYTHING around the house and ALL the childcare but my OH doesn't have to lift a finger bless him because he works' right through to the mind-blowing 'I don't mind that my OH games 24-7/has nude lap dances/blows all our money on stag dos/sends sexy texts to other women/cycles 8 days a week/watches porn 2 hrs a day because he works and he needs his ME time'.

Do women like this really exist or are these men in disguise on MN sent to wind us up? Is there just a race to the bottom for what is acceptable from a decent husband?

I'm beginning to lose sight of what a normal partnership is. AIBU to be suspicious of these 'cool' wives?

I must be one of them. My partner works full
time and I've never expected him to do night feeds or nappy changes in the night (not That he could, unless he grew a pair of lactating breasts) and I don't see the point in him also waking up to do something when I'm already awake. No, I wouldn't put up with cheating or using hookers but I've never seen a post where anyone condones that, but I don't give a shite if he watches porn (as he does!) or ever visited a strip club. It's not
having low boundaries - they're just different to other people's 🤷🏼‍♀️

Well according to your theory I'm a "cool" wife. I've never been cool before so thank you. !
I just fail to get worked up about controlling someone. ..if my DH went to a strip club it's up to him it honestly wouldn't bother me , I've been in them before. My friend was (is) a stripper. She is certainly far from exploited , I've been to see her "perform" several times. There is a strict no touch rule and it's a show. I also have mainly male friends. In fact I'm off for the weekend with him this weekend. My husband decided he had too much work on so I'm going alone with male friend and honestly we will have a great time. Equally managing not to shag each other.

Well it seems like a completely useless label as we all mean different things by it

I know a woman who was a cool wife for years. She actually snapped and knifed the useless wretch. Not that it was excused, but no matter how low the self image of that woman (and presumably others like her) it's reassuring that everyone has a limit.

I must be one of them. My partner works full
time and I've never expected him to do night feeds or nappy changes in the night (not That he could, unless he grew a pair of lactating breasts) and I don't see the point in him also waking up to do something when I'm already awake.

Ditto. But I’m definitely not cool because I do resent how much he is enjoying his sleep and wish I can just wake him up so I’m not suffering alone. Though I think that’s just me being hormonal and I don’t actually think it’s fair on him.

He helps in other ways tho... and works a double shift so I don’t actually expect too much.

I don't mind that my OH games 24-7/has nude lap dances/blows all our money on stag dos/sends sexy texts to other women/cycles 8 days a week/watches porn 2 hrs a day because he works and he needs his ME time

Apart from ‘sends texts to other women’ I’m down for my DH doing all that! LOL! I have a crazy amount of freedom too! But we don’t have children so we both get to do what we want when we want no matter how self-indulgent so maybe that makes a difference. I think kids make it more complicated to live the life you want.

My husband is a fantastic partner and father. He does the lion’s share of the housework, loads of DIY projects, cares for DS, and is genuinely great.

He also spends about 15 hours per week training for Ironman races. If it means getting up at 3.30 so he doesn’t disrupt family time, he does it.

On the face of it, I’m a ‘cool wife’ for letting him spend so much time on his ‘hobby’. In reality, he just finds the time and we make it work.

I also don’t really care about porn tbh.

I've been called a cool wife on here lots of times. It's usually by insecure posters who have really co dependent relationships.

I think I was probably a cool wife when with my ex because I didn’t really care about him that much? We’d been together ages and I loved him but just let him get on with his stuff and was busy with my own life and didn’t think too much about it. Off on holiday? Great, have a fab time!

Then I met my now dh and discovered that wanting to be with them every second, jealous of the celebrities they fancy, how will I cope for a week without them kind of intensity of feeling. I’m much less cool these days. But definitely prefer it.

I see. You seem to have combined cool wives, posts where the DH has done something in a moral grey area without consulting the wife first to set boundaries and some posters reply with that wouldn’t bother me (fair enough, it creates balance), and posts where DHs are just crap. A cool wife is very different from a wife who gets upset when her husband crosses a line he didn’t know was there who is very different from a wife who thinks it’s her job to do everything domestic and childcare related. But it does all tie back into cool wives because in all these scenarios women who don’t respect another woman’s right to arrange her romantic and domestic affairs as she sees fit use cool wives as an insult.

Urgh ‘porn is fine’ makes my blood fucking boil. Would you let him rank off in a room watching two people have sex? So it’s the location that’s the issue? Not the objectification of women and him getting off on their debasement.

I don't care if my OH goes to lap dancing clubs or watches porn. I really couldn't give a shit. When I was a sahm I did everything in the house and for the children because I saw that as my job and I didn't mind. I'm not cool in the slightest and I don't really care what other people think.

Tiny mystery I’ve done a couple of Ironmans (men?). Full respect to you for supporting, that’s a lot of wrestling children solo while he’s out pounding the streets.

@beesandcheese you made me choke on my tea! Obviously it’s not funny but took a darker turn quite suddenly!

women who don’t respect another woman’s right to arrange her romantic and domestic affairs as she sees fit use cool wives as an insult

Cool wives need to reclaim our label

@ooooohbetty same! I don’t bat an eye. I don’t care where he gets his motor running so long as he parks in the right garage and the same rules apply to me!

@Lennon80

Yeah, I would, yeah. Assuming he'd checked and not just... climbed in a window.

I see it a lot on here and have witnessed it IRL too, it’s definitely a thing.

My DH’s best friend’s fiancé is what I would describe as a ‘cool wife’ or at least that is how she portrays herself. They go to strip clubs together and she’s cool with it, she’s fine with him inviting random women back to their flat and she does the same thing, they have cheated on each other too so it’s basically an open relationship imo except now they’re getting married and have a baby . I wouldn’t stand for any of it but it works for them so 🤷🏻‍♀️.

This thread is vomit inducing (sick not envy), but each to their own. I do pity the daughters of these boozy, strip club going middle aged men who are happy to let their wives wipe their arses and pick up their dirty socks.

It's certainly not insecure to have boundaries and standards though.

@SignedUpJust4This
I think we’ve been on the same thread today.
An OP was pissed off at her DH being fawned over by an old pal and in vines the comment
my DH has had nude lap dances which Im fine with but I’d be telling this bitch to get lost
Very bloody odd 🙄

@Skittlenommer

That's hilarious Although I don't care where he parks (I also enjoy different garages...cars... ...this is going too far) so I'm PEAK cool wife.

What the opposite of a cool wife?

Because if I were to stereotype in the way the OP has id come up with the following:

someone with a set of emotional problems/a personality disorder/ anxiety and esteem issues/ a history of dead bead boy friends/has gone NC with her entire family and falls out with all her friends/chooses not to work and thinks that despite being out of the house from 6am to 8pm, he should also cook his own meals, do his own laundry, do all of the children's bath times, story reading and take over ALL the child care all weekend, plus do night feeds in the week and never want sex, because she's too tired for that sort of thing after a hard day laying on the sofa

Whilst languishing in this princess like utopian ideal, this type of wife doesn't think her DH should ever go out with his mates, or havea hobby, or attempt to do any cardio vascular exercise other than whack the hoover round; he should wear bag on his head just in case he inadvertently makes eye contact with someone in possession of a vagina, because in her eyes he is a sex god and other women fall at his feet - when in fact everyone else wonders if he's just a bit wet/or emotionally and financially abused at home.

The reference to financial abuse comes from the pre children days = his/her money, but now she chooses not to work, his money is their money but she controls it and gives him pocket money for petrol. if he's lucky.

@BogglesGoggles put it so beautifully that everything I was thinking is summed up there but more eloquently

The two hideous examples I’ve seen of women being branded “cool wives” were:

• man rolls in at 2am, drunk but basically a one-off. Posters pile in saying they’d leave lists of tasks for him and tell him off for being so late. Anyone who responds that their husbands have been very kind to them when they’ve done this so they don’t mind it too much is branded a “cool wife”
• man oversleeps through his alarm, many calls of “throw a glass of water in his face”. Anyone who disagrees with this is branded “cool wife”

I guess it’s actually a compliment given that the opposite is the incredibly controlling women you see on here

(Actual cases of men being dicks aside)

The term cool wives is ridiculous and on a mainly women's site is an insult used gainst people who have a different outlook to you. I find there are far more paranoid/ jealous/ needy/controlling wives oh and not forgetting the PA ones.