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AIBU?

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Original poster

horrible arguement last night -i am right to be angy ?

188 replies

Bravenewworld1 · 06/08/2019 21:20

last night me and DH had an argument . we were all sitting at the dinner table- me , dh and our 2 children aged 12 and 10. I had made a meal, he had gone out got a bottle of wine - not something we usually do- the wine I mean so I was really looking forward to it.
it all started really well. anyway we were talking about a film we had both seen and explaining what it was about to our daughter. I looked over and he gave me a disgusted look. I asked him if he was ok and he said ' you deliberately interrupted me like I'm invisible you always do this you are horrible and rude'. I was shocked I really didn't think that happened at all .. I thought he had stopped speaking but he must have just paused and I said something during the pause. so yes I may have inadvertently interrupted him but in no way did I deliberately do this. he has said it with real venom and I was really upset. we hadn't even started drinking so I cant blame it on that. I just starting crying . I couldn't eat I was too upset. dh got up and went upstairs. then I got really angry- I felt that the way he spoke to me was really out of order. anyway I did something bad. I followed him upstairs . he had gone into the bathroom to have a shower. now I know this is wrong of me as I wasn't respecting his privacy or right to be alone but I burst into the bathroom and started shouting that I did nothing deliberately and that he was out of order . anyway he shouted go away and pushed me out of the bathroom with such force that I fell to the floor. we have not spoken since.

OP posts:
shinynewapple · 06/08/2019 22:35

My understanding is that when people are given strategies around managing disagreements within a relationship so that they don't end up arguing in front of the children, that it is recommended that one person removes them self from the situation to enable things to calm down.

I would consider that your partner did this by taking himself upstairs to shower, yet you disregarded this and followed him in to continue the argument.

I think you both need to give serious thought to your future, and perhaps have some counselling.

Original poster
Bravenewworld1 · 06/08/2019 22:36

hello . I made sure I didn't say anything back initially . I just stayed quiet I am very careful not to talk over people . I really thought he had finished his point. I do not talk over people. as for going upstairs and busting into the bathroom -I know that I am totally wrong and I don't blame him for pushing me .

OP posts:
DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 06/08/2019 22:36

I find it hard to believe that people are saying you deserved to be assaulted, OP. That must be very distressing to read. My husband constantly interrupts me and it is maddening, but I'd never have a go at him in front of our children (I did once ask him if a fairy actually died every time I got to finish a sentence though).

Do you think this is really about interrupting, or is there something else brewing and he was looking for an excuse? Either way, it seems like there is a lot of aggression in your house and it all sounds quite worrying. Not speaking for a whole day isn't great for your children either, it creates such a tense atmosphere. If you asked, would he go somewhere else for a day or so to give you both time to cool down? I must admit that in your place I might not be keen to ask in case it was the start of more aggression/violence, but it sounds like you need time apart.

Aroundtheworldandback · 06/08/2019 22:36

Big deal you interrupted- and?? He should NOT have spiked to you like that in from of your children. Pushing you to the floor is serious. I’m sorry.

Hadenoughofitall441 · 06/08/2019 22:39

DP always interrupts me or talks over me. drives me nuts, it’s one of his many flaws and when he does it I feel like strangling him. He’s shouldnt have pushed you though.

SusieOwl4 · 06/08/2019 22:40

so you still have not given more background ? one off ? regular arguments? How do the children react?

Fatasfooook · 06/08/2019 22:40

Is he having an affair? You seem to really irritate him.
Both of your behaviours were awful in front of kids.

TheFridgeRaider · 06/08/2019 22:41

It's not na assault. If someone corners you naked in a small room while shouting at you, pushing them away is basically a self defence.

Linseedlill · 06/08/2019 22:41

What would be unacceptable is if they manipulatively burst into tears to deflect from their behaviour and garner sympathy.

How does a person burst in to tears manipulatively fhs? No one wants to cry in front of their DC and on the rare occasion I have burst in to tears in response to what someone has said to me, I couldn't help it. So again, I assume the suggestion is that the op is lying which is rather shoddy imo.

They way he went about it was wrong but it was fine for the children to see that interrupting people is rude and they are allowed to call other on it when it happens to them.

No, speaking to your spouse with venom in front of your dc is not acceptable.

JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 06/08/2019 22:43

I agree having done an AS this isn’t a one off. You have a toxic relationship. You need to either commit to fixing it- relationship counselling, or leave each other. Your children are being affected by this horrible dynamic.

JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 06/08/2019 22:46

No, speaking to your spouse with venom in front of your dc is not acceptable.

That’s what i said.

They way he went about it was wrong

We’re saying the same thing.

louise5754 · 06/08/2019 22:47

I'm sure the kids are fine.

Butchyrestingface · 06/08/2019 22:49

Someone has indicated upthread that this OP’s husband has form so I don’t think it can be taken on faith that she is in fact a serial interrupter.

SeeSomethingSaySomething · 06/08/2019 22:50

How does a person burst in to tears manipulatively fhs?

Ask Roxanne Pallett

cheesydoesit · 06/08/2019 22:50

Aw, OP I have read some of your previous posts and he is a total shit! It sounds so miserable. He is constantly sniping at you, leaving you to do the shitwork, chipping away at your confidence, pushed you to breaking point so that you illadvisedly confronted him and now he has shoved you to the ground! I'm worried that now he's crossed that line from verbal to physical that it will just get worse. You have years of posting history regarding him and he hasn't changed for the better.

stayathomer · 06/08/2019 22:52

Whatever happened as bad as I find the pushing, him not talking since, either to apologise or see are you okay, that's the bigger thing. People saying you shouldn't have x or y, surely the push ends all conversation- it should never ever happen

Smilebehappy123 · 06/08/2019 22:52

What a precious twat your husband is , so fucking what you interrupted him boo hoo , tell him to get over it , would of pushed me on the floor I would of pasted him 😊

Smilebehappy123 · 06/08/2019 22:54

I’m sure my husband thinks i interupt him and he interrupts me all the time , do I dress him down in front of child . No , it’s not even a rudeness thing he just gets excited and carried away in conversation , nothing you did warrants him pushing you to the floor and he sounds like a wimp to be honest

Linseedlill · 06/08/2019 22:56

That’s what i said.

They way he went about it was wrong

We’re saying the same thing.

No, you also went on to say "but it was fine for the children to see that interrupting people is rude and they are allowed to call other on it when it happens to them."

I disagree with that. Of course teaching children not to interrupt is correct in general. But in this specific instance, speaking to the op with venom was far worse than the op supposed interruptions.

Op, if your dh often behaves in this way and you are finding yourself walking on eggshells around him, then p!ease seek help and support.

WorraLiberty · 06/08/2019 22:58

I'm sure the kids are fine

How?? Do you know the OP and her DH? Do you know the kids? Confused

JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 06/08/2019 22:59

But in this specific instance, speaking to the op with venom was far worse than the op supposed interruptions.

The venom is the part that I meant was wrong. I thought that was clear. He was fine to pull her up on interrupting, the DC need to know it’s ok to correct people who do that to them. His venom was wrong.

Smilebehappy123 · 06/08/2019 23:00

He sounds like a big baby to be honest
Oh you Interrupted me
If DH said that to me I’d say ‘yeah your not giving queens speech pal ‘
It wreaks if self importance who is he to feel his conversation is so worthy

DonPablo · 06/08/2019 23:00

OK, so there's a back story.

The minutiae of each argument isn't the point. The point is that this relationship doesn't sound healthy.

Do you like being married to him?

HoomanMoomin · 06/08/2019 23:02

This whole thread wouldn’t happen if you’d divorced him ages ago. He’s a cunt and now he’s started physical abuse, so it will escalate.

You need to contact the women’s aid. He will definitely start pushing you more and eventually hit you. Divorce the arsehole.

JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 06/08/2019 23:06

If DH said that to me I’d say ‘yeah your not giving queens speech pal ‘
It wreaks if self importance who is he to feel his conversation is so worthy

That’s pretty nasty. Who are you to think your conversation is more worthy of being heard than your husbands who is already speaking? thats what wreaks I’d self importance.