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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

horrible arguement last night -i am right to be angy ?

188 replies

Bravenewworld1 · 06/08/2019 21:20

last night me and DH had an argument . we were all sitting at the dinner table- me , dh and our 2 children aged 12 and 10. I had made a meal, he had gone out got a bottle of wine - not something we usually do- the wine I mean so I was really looking forward to it.
it all started really well. anyway we were talking about a film we had both seen and explaining what it was about to our daughter. I looked over and he gave me a disgusted look. I asked him if he was ok and he said ' you deliberately interrupted me like I'm invisible you always do this you are horrible and rude'. I was shocked I really didn't think that happened at all .. I thought he had stopped speaking but he must have just paused and I said something during the pause. so yes I may have inadvertently interrupted him but in no way did I deliberately do this. he has said it with real venom and I was really upset. we hadn't even started drinking so I cant blame it on that. I just starting crying . I couldn't eat I was too upset. dh got up and went upstairs. then I got really angry- I felt that the way he spoke to me was really out of order. anyway I did something bad. I followed him upstairs . he had gone into the bathroom to have a shower. now I know this is wrong of me as I wasn't respecting his privacy or right to be alone but I burst into the bathroom and started shouting that I did nothing deliberately and that he was out of order . anyway he shouted go away and pushed me out of the bathroom with such force that I fell to the floor. we have not spoken since.

OP posts:
SeeSomethingSaySomething · 06/08/2019 21:50

Also, considering your histrionics, did he really push you with such force you fell or did you melodramatically “fling’ yourself to the floor?

Teddybear45 · 06/08/2019 21:50

My DH used to barge into the shower / toilet while I was in too, to carry on an argument. I hated it and it only stopped when I pushed him so hard he tripped down the stairs. He doesn’t do it any more. I think OP you really do need to examine your behaviour.

ReanimatedSGB · 06/08/2019 21:52

Pushing someone over isn't great behaviour but having someone burst in on you, bellowing, and trap you in the shower so that you can't get away... pushing them in those circumstances is not that unreasonable.

How do disagreements usually pan out in your household, OP? Do you always cry, tantrum and refuse to let it go until your H snaps?

PennyNotSoWise · 06/08/2019 21:53

Sounds like you both need to control your anger. You shouldn't have followed him into the bathroom to continue an argument when he'd walked away, and he shouldn't be shoving. You've both blown something small way out of proportion, and it seems like your children witnessed this too?

You should be ashamed.

Bambamber · 06/08/2019 21:53

I would be pissed off in your husband shoes. It's really frustrating to have someone always talk over you. And then for you then to go and interrupt him from his shower when he walked away from the situation is just ridiculous.

JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 06/08/2019 21:56

Also being naked makes people automatically feel more vulnerable. I know he’s your husband and it should’nt be a problem but in an aggressive situation (Which it was) he will have felt probably quite exposed.

TheFridgeRaider · 06/08/2019 21:57

Sounds like you both need to control your anger. You shouldn't have followed him into the bathroom to continue an argument when he'd walked away, and he shouldn't be shoving. You've both blown something small way out of proportion, and it seems like your children witnessed this too?
You should be ashamed.

I don't agree with the first part. He tried to calm down and removed himself. OP escalated it to the point when he had to remove her from small space she followed him into. Bathrooms are small. Push was reasonable. Punch wouldn't.

Agree with the end of the post!

Goawayquickly · 06/08/2019 21:57

You may always be interrupting him but on the other hand I lived with someone who would cause a row any time he could, the ‘disgusted look’ you mentioned bought that back to me, any excuse to ruin a perfectly normal evening. My view therefore depends on the regular dynamic of your relationship.

Was it a case of he always ruins things and you’d had enough or do you actually ignore and overlook him in conversations and he’d had enough?

Stompythedinosaur · 06/08/2019 21:57

I don't think either of you come out of this well. I am surprised you would behave like that in front of your dc, it must have been horrible for them.

Surely if your partner says you've interrupted them you apologise, say it wasn't deliberate, and listen to what they have to say?

moreofaslummythanyummy · 06/08/2019 21:58

Also, considering your histrionics, did he really push you with such force you fell or did you melodramatically “fling’ yourself to the floor?*

This is exactly what I was thinking!

WorraLiberty · 06/08/2019 21:58

I'm one of the least violent people on the planet but in that situation, I think I would've pushed someone out of the bathroom too.

I'd feel bad if they fell on their arse as a consequence though.

AnastasiaVonBeaverhausen · 06/08/2019 21:59

Your poor children.

Butterymuffin · 06/08/2019 22:01

He shouldn't have pushed you over. But do you regularly talk over him? Is this something he's been angry about for a long time?

Davespecifico · 06/08/2019 22:01

Does he do other things to make you feel embarrassed? Is this typical? Calling you horrible and rude in front of the children when you weren’t expecting it must have felt a bit like being winded. And despite the fact that you went to have a go at him, he assaulted you by pushing you over.
Do you like him? Are you happy with him generally? He doesn’t sound like he likes you.

StaplesCorner · 06/08/2019 22:02

OP, I think (a) you should have posted this in relationships and (b) we need more info - does he have form?

Also I am a bit confused how so many posters think that him freaking out and accusing you of "always" doing something means that it must be true - is everything a man says always true, and everything his wife says always a lie? OP said she wasn't aware she'd done it and if she had, it was an accident - for those using that to pillory the OP, you do realise don't you that if you are in, say, an office environment in a meeting and you accidentally talk over someone then they don't get to have a nasty strop and start ranting and raving? that sort of shit is generally frowned upon. Hmm

Davespecifico · 06/08/2019 22:03

Also, move this thread to relationships. You might get a different take on the situation there.

Bluntness100 · 06/08/2019 22:04

Honestly you should both be ashamed of yourself.

However I'd consider you were worse here. He told you you do this often. It's likely he snapped.

You them burst into thr bathroom whilst he was showering and started screaming at him. He forceably pushed you out, and you fell over,

Now the pair of you aren't talking.

Seriously. You should both be ashamed of yourselves. Your kids sitting watching this. Living in this environment.

AnneLovesGilbert · 06/08/2019 22:04

we need more info - does he have form?

Does she? Interrupting, then crying when challenged, then bursting into the bathroom shouting at a naked man trying to get some space? And that’s just what she’s admitting to.

JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 06/08/2019 22:05

Also I am a bit confused how so many posters think that him freaking out and accusing you of "always" doing something means that it must be true - is everything a man says always true, and everything his wife says always a lie?

It’s nothing to do with him being a man. If OP’s mum had said it instead I would assume there was an ongoing issue with OP interrupting. Why would I assume she was lying?

Theknacktoflying · 06/08/2019 22:05

Behaviour from both sides not ideal..
I really don’t think anyone should be claiming any moral high ground or brownie points ...

minionsrule · 06/08/2019 22:05

How have you handled it with the dc since.... that bit is crucial as it must have been more upsetting for them.
Tbh my dh has long pauses in stories and it drives me mad as i never know if he has finished or not but neither of us would react like that.
You both need to apologise to the kids and reassure them then sort the issue out quietly between yourselves away from them.

Davespecifico · 06/08/2019 22:06

But he went to the bathroom to ‘get space’ after humiliating her at dinner.

StaplesCorner · 06/08/2019 22:07

Davespecifico according to PP apparently she had it coming.

saraclara · 06/08/2019 22:08

he said ' you deliberately interrupted me like I'm invisible you always do this you are horrible and rude'.

Would anyone (as some posters have suggested) simply say "oh sorry, carry on" after he said that (with the disgusted face) in front of the children?

If he just said "you interrupted again" in a more neutral way, maybe. But that sounds pretty shocking to me.

Davespecifico · 06/08/2019 22:08

Tell us more about him.