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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Paying Keep

412 replies

Lee17 · 06/08/2019 17:23

Hi All,
My 16 yr old daughter has left school is earning now. She is on an Apprenticeship, which starts officially in September. She is earning about £130 a week at the minute, which may well go up if she does more hours. Now, I think it is reasonable for her to pay a little towards her keep. At the moment we are encouraging her to save half, which she is doing but when we mentioned keep she threw a wobbly. Is it reasonable to ask her to pay say £25 a week, then save half of the rest and have the other half to spend as she pleases? My husband and I were brought up to pay keep, many, many years ago! And back then in the early 80s, he was paying about £20 and I was about £15. Any advice please? I think they need to appreciate how long it takes to earn what they intend to spend and to evaluate the cost and if it is worth it. We pay for everything for her at the minute, apart from extra clothes and makeup. Thanks. Looking forward to hearing your thoughts. Keep or no Keep?

OP posts:
jonesyyy · 06/08/2019 17:25

Keep. My mum made me pay it when I first started working. You're definitely not being unreasonable here

Original poster
Lee17 · 06/08/2019 17:26

Hi jonesyyy, thanks for your opinion.

OP posts:
Dontsweatthelittlestuff · 06/08/2019 17:30

My youngest did an apprenticeship. He earned about £8k a year on it and had fares to pay. I think of an apprenticeship as a form of further studies so didn’t ask him for keep money.

Original poster
Lee17 · 06/08/2019 17:30

She thinks because she is 'only 16' it isn't fair! Her sister didn't pay keep at that age, but she was doing A Levels and then off to Uni. She doesn't appreciate that it is different. She has chosen a different route - albeit she hasn't got the academic ability to do A Levels, but also she hasn't got the attitude or determination either! She always choses the route of least resistance, which is fine, and she is doing really well to get an Apprenticeship and we have told her we are very proud of her. But she has it in her head that because she is under 18, she is still our responsibility! Which obviously, you all know, that only works one way! She can do what she wants, go where she wants.... etc..... because she has rights! As you can tell, she has the attitude! But we want to be fair and reasonable. So, what would you think would be a fair amount? Thanks.

OP posts:
Fuzzywuzzyface · 06/08/2019 17:31

An apprentice wage is very low... how is your daughter getting to work? Perhaps instead of keep she pays you her mobile phone contract so she is contributing something and make it clear you will provide food and lodgings as you have done up to this point, but she buys her clothes and makeup etc. She is only 16 after all.

Iilana · 06/08/2019 17:31

It's a great lesson to be taught, it's not much towards keeps and helps foster an understanding of budget. Let her see how much local rooms to rent are and deposits in shared houses (that don't come with food, gas,electric,council tax etc).
She'll soon realise that she's better off at home vs the alternative.
Also let her see you doing monthly home budget, food costs, council tax, water, tv, electric, water, etc etc I wish my parents had.

Florencenotflo · 06/08/2019 17:32

I think if you are covering everything else then asking her to pay a bit towards the household isn't unreasonable. If you don't need the money you could always save it for her too and give it to her when she gets a car or something. It's never too early for them to learn that mortgage/rent, electric, heating, food, toiletries, Internet etc aren't free!

One of my friends stopped buying her 16 y/o son what she called luxuries when he left school and got a job labouring. But she counted deodorant, shower gel, phone contract (cheap one at that) as luxuries. And they weren't short of money. She would take half of his wages off of him as keep. He moved out 2 years later into a house share! It was probably cheaper!

Troels · 06/08/2019 17:59

YANBU We took keep from our working kids when at home and saved it in a seperate account and gave them money to move out with. They didn't know we saved it. However we also had a deal, if they were in full time education they kept all their money they earned from part time jobs, but if they were out of education they paid. They seemed fine with that. But how would that work with an apprentiship.
We'll do the same with Dd when she gets old enough.

IAskTooManyQuestions · 06/08/2019 18:01

Not as an apprentice, no. You'll still be getting child benefit for her.

Disfordarkchocolate · 06/08/2019 18:03

I think apprenticeships have such low wages and have to include some learning that it should be classed the same as being at college/school for 2 years. If she has to save half and give you board she will not have enough left to cover transport and clothing too.

golddustwomen · 06/08/2019 18:05

Definitely do it! I paid keep when started my apprenticeship. I moaned like hell but it prepared me for all the crap you pay once you move out. For my friends who didn't pay keep it was a massive massive slap in the face for them.
Plus I was 16, I ate a like a horse, I had all my dinners cooked, my clothes washed, I bloody should have payed something to my mom.

jesuschristwtf · 06/08/2019 18:05

Yeah I paid at 16 from my part time job. Half my pay went towards my keep.

FamilyOfAliens · 06/08/2019 18:06

Not as an apprentice, no. You'll still be getting child benefit for her.

Why not ask her for a token amount but put it in a savings account for her? Don’t tell her, obviously - it’ll be a nice surprise if she successfully completes her apprenticeship.

lastqueenofscotland · 06/08/2019 18:08

I think it’s a really good habit to get into; even if it’s a tenner a week and you put it into savings for her

Nousernameforme · 06/08/2019 18:09

I don't think you should take keep off her just yet wait until she gets a proper job. I would still cover phone contract and then anything else was up to her clothing toiletries the lot.

By the way not saying apprenticeship isnt hard work just that its classed as training and as such doesnt pay a proper wage

inbetweenforever · 06/08/2019 18:10

I wouldn't ask for board money if my children were on a low wage. Ask her to buy her own toiletries, makeup, clothes and mobile etc though.

Lemoneeza · 06/08/2019 18:12

Will you still get child benefit for her? is it classed as full time education? if it is, then I don't think you should take anything from her.
if not, 25 a week seems reasonable to me.

IAskTooManyQuestions · 06/08/2019 18:14

Apprenticeships are classed as education and training and as such fall in the 'age of participation' - the OP will be getting child benefit.

Josephinebettany · 06/08/2019 18:14

I don't think you should. She's only 16 and you're still getting child benefit

Alsohuman · 06/08/2019 18:15

My mum made my brother pay something for his keep from the time he started work. It’s a very good life lesson.

Alsohuman · 06/08/2019 18:15

I meant to say his apprenticeship.

Mrskeats · 06/08/2019 18:16

I love all this talk of good habits which is just a smoke screen for being mean.
You get child benefit. She’s a child. Taking money off her is grim.

OrangeSlices998 · 06/08/2019 18:19

I paid Keep at that age but my Mum usually gave it back to me in some form or another. It’s a good lesson to learn!

Smilebehappy123 · 06/08/2019 18:20

I would ask for 20 per week and put 10 aside of that for her saved up so by the time she either goes uni or moves out you would be able to give her a little sum of money
I don’t agree with the poster above about being mean as if you was mean you would be asking for half , a little contribution I fee is fair especially if your providing food and all other things at home

Mrskeats · 06/08/2019 18:20

You getting tax credits as well op?