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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Paying Keep

412 replies

Lee17 · 06/08/2019 17:23

Hi All,
My 16 yr old daughter has left school is earning now. She is on an Apprenticeship, which starts officially in September. She is earning about £130 a week at the minute, which may well go up if she does more hours. Now, I think it is reasonable for her to pay a little towards her keep. At the moment we are encouraging her to save half, which she is doing but when we mentioned keep she threw a wobbly. Is it reasonable to ask her to pay say £25 a week, then save half of the rest and have the other half to spend as she pleases? My husband and I were brought up to pay keep, many, many years ago! And back then in the early 80s, he was paying about £20 and I was about £15. Any advice please? I think they need to appreciate how long it takes to earn what they intend to spend and to evaluate the cost and if it is worth it. We pay for everything for her at the minute, apart from extra clothes and makeup. Thanks. Looking forward to hearing your thoughts. Keep or no Keep?

OP posts:
Original poster
Lee17 · 06/08/2019 23:23

To IaskTooManyQuestions; Child Benefit will deffo stop; I rang them yesterday. Because my daughter will be earning they won't continue with the benefit. If she was say doing an NVQ that would be different. Thanks.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lee17 · 06/08/2019 23:26

To Schuyler, I appreciate your post but as our eldest wasn't earning when she was doing her Degree; no time, far away from home etc and with the added Student Fees and flipping loans, it means she has accrued over £40,000 debt already. She is now paying that back. Different route; but a very expensive one for her. I think we will probably charge our youngest Keep but put some of that aside as a secret savings account for her. Thanks.

OP posts:
TheBigFatMermaid · 06/08/2019 23:29

If my DD decides to do an apprenticeship at 16, well, she'll be nearer 17 by the time GCSEs finish, as she's a young one, I will not be asking if I ABU to charge her keep, I will have no choice. I rely on a certain amount of benefit through no choice of my own and she will have to go some way to paying towards her upleep then, whether she or I or anyone else likes it.
I paid over 50% of my YTS money to my DM as keep. Actually I used to get £25.50 per week, pay my DM £15 and give the bloke who gave me a lift there and back £5!

Original poster
Lee17 · 06/08/2019 23:31

To Mrskeats; NO Child Benefit will stop because she will be earning. I rang the Child Benefit Government Helpline yesterday. Also, she spends money like water. I think taking Keep off her will be a good lesson to appreciate how long you have to work in regards to what you are paying out for. But, we will put some of it aside as a secret savings account for her. Thanks.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lee17 · 06/08/2019 23:32

To TheBigFatMermaid; thanks for your comments. I appreciate your opinion and your status. Some people are so judgemental. Good luck to you and your family.

OP posts:
Fatasfooook · 06/08/2019 23:34

Keep. Definitely

Original poster
Lee17 · 06/08/2019 23:34

To FamilyOfAliens, no Child Benefit will stop. Thanks for your post.

OP posts:
PickAChew · 06/08/2019 23:37

I don't think you can do that and have her save half and her still have enough at the end. If you take money, keep it separate from household finances then give it back at the end of the apprenticeship so she has a good amount to enjoy or spend on something big and useful.

Rachie1973 · 06/08/2019 23:39

We charged keep from all our kids as they reached 18 and adult earning potential.

I wouldn’t from an apprentice though. Especially if you are pushing her to save half. She’s being fairly responsible doing so. She’s a chil, no rent until they’re 18 here.

Grandmi · 06/08/2019 23:40

I personally would not ask for money from a 16 yr old ...I would encourage them to save !!

BreconBeBuggered · 06/08/2019 23:42

I was coming here to say I wasn't at all sure that OP's DD would still attract Child Benefit, but I see OP has already ascertained that for herself. So asking for £25 a week keep isn't quite the draconian step that pps were implying.If she's the youngest child then OP will be less than a fiver a week better off than she is now.

Original poster
Lee17 · 06/08/2019 23:43

Thankyou EVERYONE; well, bit of a contentious subject! Sorry to have stirred up such a hornet's nest. But all comments are appreciated, even the slightly aggressive ones! Lots to think about. But I think paying a little Keep is the way to go, with us saving some of it for her as a surprise in the future. And just to clarify once and for all; Child Benefit will deffo stop in September because SHE will be earning. And, I think that earning at least £130 a week at 16 (she is still 15 at the minute and earning that amount until next week!) is a LOT of money to be responsible for. She has been earning this for a few weeks now. And YES mu husband and I had a mortgage at the age of 21, nearly 33 years ago, but that is because we SAVED and had a deposit to put down WHILST paying Keep. We learnt the value of money and appreciate what it took to earn it and appreciate that our parents were ALSO out earning to clothe, feed us etc. Spoon feeding your children and giving them everything they want financially isn't always the best way to go. It sets them up for failure financially. It also has to be taken into account the personality of the child, their attitudes and outlook on life. With one daughter already in a very good post-graduate degree, in her own flat (still bringing her and her boyfriend's washing home though! lol) and our youngest en route to a Hairdressing Career, I think I can sleep easily knowing we will be teaching her the value of money, appreciating the effort it takes to earn that money and to secretly be saving some for her. Thanks everyone.

OP posts:
happinessischocolate · 06/08/2019 23:51

My DD is starting an apprenticeship in Sept and will be paying all her own expenses, car insurance, phone etc and giving me £150 per month.

I wish she didn't have to give me so much but as a single parent I'll be losing the tax credits and child benefit I've been receiving and really can't afford to pay everything for myself and 2 children on my wage.

toffeeapple123 · 06/08/2019 23:52

Blimey, I'm glad my parents never charged me. And if I were to have children, I'd never feel comfortable taking from them. But that's just me.

toffeeapple123 · 06/08/2019 23:53

Spoon feeding your children and giving them everything they want financially isn't always the best way to go. It sets them up for failure financially. >> Er, it didn't with all the people I know who weren't asked to pay keep. My mum and dad never asked me for a penny. I'm earning an impressive salary and own property in London.

Schuyler · 07/08/2019 00:01

I think you’ve had some unfair comments. I’m sure both your daughters are loved. I totally see your point about one daughter earning and another not - I was just trying to give another perspective. Not saying I am right or wrong, by the way.

It is a nice gesture to put it away and save it for her. :)

Original poster
Lee17 · 07/08/2019 00:06

Sorry, what are some of the comments about: what are the abbreviations? OP, DD? Benefits? Credits? My husband and I both work FULL TIME to keep a modest terraced house, one car, pay travel to work etc. We aren't on any benefits at all, apart from the Child Benefit which as I say WILL end in September, earn basic wages. We have both worked since our teens, saved, got married, got a mortgage because there WASN'T any social housing available to us, always worked, been to the brink financially several times because of redundancy, which, before someone says 'oh you must have had a pay out'. Yes, you get a bit but the Government then takes ALL that back to pay for the meagre benefits you received whilst waiting for the redundancy to come through! STILL had to pay the mortgage somehow through begging and borrowing from family... I think I am in a different 'non benefit' world here and being got at for it. Feeling a little sad. But to all of those with supportive and non-judgemental comments, thank you.

OP posts:
MyDcAreMarvel · 07/08/2019 00:13

CB stops because she isn’t in education it’s got nothing to do with earning. If she was doing g A levels she could be earning £200 in a part time job and CB would continue.
As for keep from a child, that’s really not ok. She should save and buy her own non essential clothes, but it’s morally wrong to take money from a child.

Original poster
Lee17 · 07/08/2019 00:15

Schuyler Thank you.

OP posts:
bouncingraindrops · 07/08/2019 00:15

Spoon feeding your children and giving them everything they want financially isn't always the best way to go

There is a world of difference between giving your children everything they want financially and taking 'keep' money from your 16 year old.

Original poster
Lee17 · 07/08/2019 00:19

MyDcAreMarvel - right getting really upset now. Morally wrong to take money from a child?!! At 16 she will pay full fares, be able to have sex, get married, work full time, etc. Child?!!!! Do not lecture me on morals. You have no idea of my morals. Didn't think Mumsnet was a place for people to be so judgemental, thought it was a place for honest and unbiased discussion, to help people.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lee17 · 07/08/2019 00:23

To Mrskeats.Taking money is grim? She is going to be 16, earning over £130 a week with no outgoings apart from clothes and make up. And, child benefit will stop. But that's not the point. It is about teaching her to appreciate HER hard work and what she can achieve from it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lee17 · 07/08/2019 00:23

To Schuyler. Thank you.

OP posts:
bouncingraindrops · 07/08/2019 00:25

It is about teaching her to appreciate HER hard work and what she can achieve from it.

She achieves her pay packet, by working for it. You don't need to take money from her to teach her this.

happinessischocolate · 07/08/2019 00:28

CB stops because she isn’t in education it’s got nothing to do with earning.

But she is still in education, they all have to stay in education until they are 18, and depending on the course they are doing child benefit and tax credits may or may not stop.

A levels and nvqs don't affect benefits

Anything higher and apprenticeships cause all benefits including child benefit to stop, which is why there is such a low uptake of apprenticeships.

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