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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Paying Keep

412 replies

Lee17 · 06/08/2019 17:23

Hi All,
My 16 yr old daughter has left school is earning now. She is on an Apprenticeship, which starts officially in September. She is earning about £130 a week at the minute, which may well go up if she does more hours. Now, I think it is reasonable for her to pay a little towards her keep. At the moment we are encouraging her to save half, which she is doing but when we mentioned keep she threw a wobbly. Is it reasonable to ask her to pay say £25 a week, then save half of the rest and have the other half to spend as she pleases? My husband and I were brought up to pay keep, many, many years ago! And back then in the early 80s, he was paying about £20 and I was about £15. Any advice please? I think they need to appreciate how long it takes to earn what they intend to spend and to evaluate the cost and if it is worth it. We pay for everything for her at the minute, apart from extra clothes and makeup. Thanks. Looking forward to hearing your thoughts. Keep or no Keep?

OP posts:
Henryloveseatinglego · 25/01/2020 02:15

£27 PW and gave mum half and continued to take half of my wages and then wanted a retainer for my room when I got a job abroad

Helpinghim · 25/01/2020 02:20

I used to earn £50 a week on mine. I had to give half to my parents! She's got a good deal here

Ithinkitcouldbeme · 25/01/2020 06:37

You’re being unreasonable. She’s a child, you need to take responsibility. Don’t be mean.

Fcukthisshit · 25/01/2020 07:58

I’d say savings - yes absolutely. Board - no she doesn’t earn much.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 25/01/2020 08:00

By all means ask for her to save, but then taking an additional 25 off that isn't great.

Why not her save a third, you take 20 (and save it for her), and she keeps the rest.

woodchuck99 · 25/01/2020 16:01

I'm not sure it is. An awful lot of people struggle with budgeting and finances when they are young adults, and for some it continues into later adulthood.

Yes but that's nothing to do with not understanding that you need to pay your way. If anything taking money off her with the intention of giving it back later will make a less her good at budgeting. Taking money off her and keeping it won't make any difference to her budgeting skills.

Lolly34h · 03/02/2020 07:06

My almost 18 year old has just secured an apprenticeship which pays around 600 a month. After a discussion we mutually agreed she would save 100 give me 100 for keep and then have 400 left for clothes makeup travel and all the little luxuries she likes and I wont buy. The 100 shes giving me for keep I intend to save half again so when she leaves home or passes her driving test shes got a chunk to put towards car or a deposit for her first home. I dont feel guilty as it learns her that she has bills to pay and needs to manage money. She is quite frugal though so her bank account is never below 3 figures and I think it wont be long before she gets it to 4 figures.

Yeahnah2020 · 03/02/2020 07:08

If your other daughter didn’t pay at her age then neither should she. You are being unreasonable. She’s 16 FGS!!!

BoxedWine · 03/02/2020 08:07

You're making a choice to charge her when you didn't charge her sibling. Of course she's going to feel resentful. If you charge her, treat her so differently from her sister, be prepared to reap what you have sown.

Hellomum2020 · 27/05/2020 17:00

This reply has been deleted

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fuckinghellthisshit · 27/05/2020 17:07

I gave my mum keep from 16 and I was a full time sixth former with a part time job. She saved it and gave me it all back when I needed a deposit for my first rented flat.

BakedCam · 27/05/2020 17:16

Whole a £130 is not a lot of money, it is for a 16-year old. She is still in training and you'll be in receipt of CB. I'd encourage her to pay for her mobile phone and her toiletries.

I'd also be encouraging saving habits.

DoesMaryNotDrive · 27/05/2020 17:32

We're 6 siblings. Half of us paid keep, half of didn't. Guess which half went to on to become responsible adults and which went on to become entitled adults expecting others to bail them out.

DontStandSoCloseToMe · 27/05/2020 17:35

Not at sixteen on an apprentice wage I wouldn't. I only paid £25 a week when I graduated and moved home and had a full time job in London at 22, the understanding was I'd use the opportunity to save for my own property, buy my own car and enjoy my life a little while I was young. I bought a flat just before I turned 25 in the southeast.

DontStandSoCloseToMe · 27/05/2020 17:38

Importantly I think, my parents were never ones for credit and neither am I , it was always if you want something you save until you can afford it. I also don't understand people who take keep then give it back you're essentially don't they can't be trusted to save their own money and that isn't a good prophecy to fulfill

bumbleb33s · 27/05/2020 17:46

My son lost his job when Covid hit, he’s now on UC and gets £350 a month, I take £20 a week off him.

Maybe tell her she can keep her money but buys all her own stuff

Sceptre86 · 27/05/2020 17:47

At 16 I got a part time job at tesco and paid my mum £10 a week. At 18 I was working for Primark and paid her £20 a week. When I graduated and got my 'proper' job I paid her £60 a week. All the way through mum and dad paid for my clothes, makeup, food, did my cooking, laundry. The only thing I actually paid for was my yearly bus pass and my phone (I paid for my own clothes etc when I got my full time job).

My siblings didn't get part time jobs as young as I did but when they did finally get one they were expected to pay keep. It teaches you to appreciate money and budget accordingly which are two of lifes most important lessons that you can teach your kids. Yes on an apprenticeship she won't be earning huge amounts but I would still ask for a portion of her wages a week. It would be more cost effective for her than moving out and paying her own way.

For posters mentioning child benefit that is presumably spent on her?

IAmLarge · 27/05/2020 17:51

I think make her save her money is a great idea. But charging her keep at 16 isn't great. Maybe when she gets to 18 you could charge her keep but for now I'd leave it at saving and her paying for her own luxuries, such as clothes, makeup ect.

If you really want to teach her about the value of money, then teach her the dangers of credit cards, payday loans ect.

littlefishywhyareyousleeping · 27/05/2020 17:52

I think YABU, she barley earns and is still a child. Would you be asking her to pay if she was 16 and not working? I don't think she should just have to pay because she's earning. An apprenticeship is also studying. Don't be surprised if she feels betrayed.

My mother has always said any of us can move back in for free if needed. Only my brother took her up on it when he lost his was for a few months, but he wanted his independence and very soon as off on his way. It's a lovely feeling to make your child feel they have a safe place they can always come back to if they are suffering hard times, without the guilt and pressure to scrape together the rent. My brother is doing great now.

I'm not saying you should do this but I would be more understanding if she was 18.

If you need the money I suggest you ask her to pay more things for herself that you would usually buy.

Nottherealslimshady · 27/05/2020 17:57

I dont think its fair to change the rules for her. Her sister didn't pay, it's almost like shes being punished for not taking the university route. I think it's fair to support her till shes 18. If shes saving then she could really get herself ina good position. But I'd be letting her buy her own clothing and specialist toiletries, makeup and gifts she wants to buy

contrastcolour · 27/05/2020 18:16

Haven't signed in for years and just lurked but this thread has really annoyed me that some people are so nasty and do not understand what living on a budget means.

OP you are so right to ask for keep. I was in a similar position last year. I'm a single parent earning £20K who had child benefit and tax credits to enable us to live. DD gets apprenticeship and I lose money. I asked for £25 a week keep to make up SOME of the shortfall (and was even made to feel guilty asking for that much by friends and family). I sat down with DD and showed her my budget - what I would lose and she even offered to increase it, bless her, but I said we would manage which we have.

Ignore the idiots on here OP. Do what you think is right x

Akrotiri1 · 27/05/2020 18:20

My son currently works in Morrisons and has done since lockdown started - he is 17 and gets £8.46 per hr, and works on average 24 hrs a week. I currently ask him for £50 pcm as a contribution to the household. I would ask him for more but we do get 15% off groceries so feel that helps in another way. He was not happy that we asked him for it, but some months he is bringing in more than I earn as a p/t carer, and when not working is on his ps a lot so our electricity bills are higher than we would like.

Regardless I feel that he needs to start to budget his money and prepare him for the 'real world', when his outgoings will be a lot more than £50.

However, if he returns to college in sept, and has to drop hours, he will have college and travel expenses to consider so will have a rethink then.

Wastinglife · 27/05/2020 18:31

If you’re getting her to pay keep whilst still in education, you can’t make her put half into savings as well. I’d say that’s quite controlling. One or the other is ok though I think.
When I was 16 I earned between £50-90 pw in my part time job, whilst still at school, which comparable to apprenticeship. My parents didn’t ask anything of my, not even to save some.

Wastinglife · 27/05/2020 18:33

However, I didn’t ask my parents for anything after that, eg pocket money. Everything I bought came out of my money. Except for food, school dinners, family holiday etc.

xxxemzyxxx · 27/05/2020 18:45

Everyone is different and I don’t completely disagree with people asking keep off a working kid, but personally I wouldn’t ask my child for keep on an apprenticeship at 16, it is still classed as education. And as others have said you will still be getting child benefit for her.

I worked from 16 (part time - I was still doing A levels as well) my mum never asked me for anything. What I did do though was do my own shopping and cooking, so that came out of my wage. and I paid for my travel and phone as well, so learnt about budgeting from that.

Once they are out of education I would 100% be asking for keep.

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