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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Paying Keep

412 replies

Lee17 · 06/08/2019 17:23

Hi All,
My 16 yr old daughter has left school is earning now. She is on an Apprenticeship, which starts officially in September. She is earning about £130 a week at the minute, which may well go up if she does more hours. Now, I think it is reasonable for her to pay a little towards her keep. At the moment we are encouraging her to save half, which she is doing but when we mentioned keep she threw a wobbly. Is it reasonable to ask her to pay say £25 a week, then save half of the rest and have the other half to spend as she pleases? My husband and I were brought up to pay keep, many, many years ago! And back then in the early 80s, he was paying about £20 and I was about £15. Any advice please? I think they need to appreciate how long it takes to earn what they intend to spend and to evaluate the cost and if it is worth it. We pay for everything for her at the minute, apart from extra clothes and makeup. Thanks. Looking forward to hearing your thoughts. Keep or no Keep?

OP posts:
InFiveMins · 06/08/2019 19:16

I wouldn't charge her keep at 16. Let her enjoy having money to spend on herself. Maybe just tell her if she wants clothes, makeup etc she will need to buy most of them now with her own money.

Merryoldgoat · 06/08/2019 19:17

£130 a week, saving £65, paying you £20, leaves her with £45 a week.

What’s she buying? Does she have fares etc? I think that if you are dictating that she saves half of a very meagre wage then ‘keep’ isn’t appropriate.

If she has the whole amount at her disposal then £20 a fine.

Morgan12 · 06/08/2019 19:17

Actually we don't know if the sister was getting a bursary or loan, or if she had a part time job.

It just reads like one child is being punished for not being academic. And the way the OP describes this comes across like she is disappointed about her daughter not being like her sister. And is now treating them differently.

user1487194234 · 06/08/2019 19:35

I think of an apprenticeship as education and on that level of wage I would not take keep
I appreciate the difference between your DC but I think you risk resentment by your younger DC perceiving you to be treating her differently

Mrskeats · 06/08/2019 19:41

eto Smile

icelollycraving · 06/08/2019 19:42

I think asking her to save half, then a quarter to you is just not going to work. She will have around £30 a week for herself.
I think a nominal amount to you, and she can do what she likes with the rest.
If she is generally going for an easier option, she may well just give up and not work! She may well be one of the students who seem to drift from one course to another.
I suspect she will resent you if you haven’t done the same with your others. Apprenticeships do involve some kind of study too.

icelollycraving · 06/08/2019 19:43

In honesty, spending all your money on makeup and clothes is surely part of being 16. There are many years to become sensible and save for a rainy day.

trooooooooooo · 06/08/2019 19:47

My DD is doing an apprenticeship and I charge her 10% of her wages as keep - that was it's a very low amount at the moment but will increase as her wages do.

Although to be fair, that 10% usually finds its way back to her in some way!

trooooooooooo · 06/08/2019 19:49

Oh and I understood child benefit was not payable if they were on an apprenticeship?

mummyof2darlings · 06/08/2019 19:54

Why don't you instead of keep encourage her to save a bit extra for driving lessons next year if she's going to be working learning to drive might be really beneficial and that's about 40 a week now a days so saving now would really help

MancaroniCheese · 06/08/2019 19:55

I lost child benefit and tax credits when DS started an apprenticeship.

I am on a low wage myself, I couldn't afford for him not to pay keep, even if it was a small contribution

cstaff · 06/08/2019 20:00

Having read various other threads on here a lot of posters don't have that amount of free cash every week after paying mortgage and all other bills so why should a 16 year old feel so entitled. She needs to get used to real life and pay her way. Your idea sounds perfect OP.

Jimdandy · 06/08/2019 20:03

Do you still get child benefit and tax credits for her? If yes yabu.

If not YANBU but personally I would take it until I was 18, or I’d save it on her behalf.

caballerino · 06/08/2019 20:04

I agree with others, you're basically punishing her for being less academic than her sister. It's a really shitty thing to do. Great potential for utterly trashing your future relationship with her.

And she's right, she is a child, and you are being unfair.

What your parents did to you and what may have happened in the 80s is not relevant.

Deal with the child in front of you in 2019. Decently.

PuzzledObserver · 06/08/2019 20:09

My first job outside the home was as a hospital housekeeper after I did my O levels and before I started 6th form college. I earned £54 per week and gave my Mum £10. She didn’t ask, I offered - I was proud to be earning my own money and wanted to be a little bit independent.

CalamityJune · 06/08/2019 20:14

Totally in agreement with @Merryoldgoat . £67 per week after savings is quite a lot if it's going to be just 'fun money', and so £20-5 of that paid as keep leaves her enough to enjoy herself.

If she needs to use that £67 for commuting or other essentials then that would need factored in.

DennisMailerWasHere · 06/08/2019 20:17

While you're getting child benefit and if she's paying commuting costs for work, I wouldn't charge anything, especially if I'd not charged a sibling keep while studying up to 18.

It stinks of a double standard to charge her in that context.

Also, if you charge "keep", why are you telling her how to spend the rest of her earned wages? It's not pocket money , she earned and paid tax on it. Either she's old enough to be treated like an adult, charged keep, but left to do with whatever she thinks best for the rest of her £s.. or she's a child and you get to decide.

The way the op is written, it sounds like you're treating her as a child when it suits... But an independent working adult when it also suits. Yet her sibling enjoyed full parental support for another 2 years?

Waxonwaxoff0 · 06/08/2019 20:18

I wouldn't at 16 and on an apprentice wage. When she's earning a proper wage then yes.

Teddybear45 · 06/08/2019 20:21

If you didn’t charge her older sister (and I’m presuming the girl did have a summer job etc while studying A Levels / Uni because otherwise she probably depended on you a lot longer than your younger daughter ever will) then you shouldn’t charge your younger daughter either. Having said this, however, your younger daughter may need help in terms of how to manage her money - my cousins who became plumbers / jewellers / beauticians started earning 60-100k in their early twenties and so needed a lot of help with learning how to manage accounts / save etc

jelly79 · 06/08/2019 20:21

I couldn't on an apprentice wage but I would still expect her to budget for expenses and luxuries and to save a little. I don't think there is room for all that and paying keep.

My 17 yr old daughter works part time (in full time college) and gets paid £500 pm doesn't ask me for anything, saves half her wages and pays for all her clothes and luxuries.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 06/08/2019 20:22

@cstaff er, because she's 16 and still a child?

I moved out at 17 and was paying bills for my own rented flat. I didn't get a chance to enjoy myself because I had no money after paying for everything.

When my DS is a teen I want him to enjoy himself a bit and not have the stresses that I did at that age!

19lottie82 · 06/08/2019 20:23

I’d take £20 a week and put it in a savings account for when she needs it in the future (but don’t tell her this!).

Its not “mean” and it creates a good life lesson in regards to real life and budgeting.

annikin · 06/08/2019 20:24

I think to pay keep is fine, but I think that is too much bearing in mind what she is earning.

Raspberrytruffle · 06/08/2019 20:24

Wow £130 for a modern apprentice , I remember when I was 16 and doing it working 6 days a week at the stables I only received £40 per week but as soon as I got my first minimum wage job at 18 and worked 30 hours I payed £20 per week then once I was earning about £1000 per month as a full time care assistant I happily gave my mum £50 per week keep and also if there was an unexpected high gas bill I contributed to it even though my mum didn't ask. I bought what food I fancied, I did my own washing, I pulled my weight with housework, I paid everything for my horses. I'm 32 now and grateful because it gave me the opportunity to learn about being responsible.yanbu

mrsglowglow · 06/08/2019 20:30

I wouldn't until she's 18 but I would say she should be paying for any extra treats, spending money for herself now and, as you've already suggested, encouraging her to save a chunk each week.

I started working at 16 and paid housekeeping straight away which was the norm back then in my friendship circles. Now though I'd give my kids a break until 18 at least but would hope they'd save a bit and use some for useful things like driving lessons etc.

Good for her getting started in the workplace.

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