Daughter wants to take my new tent to festival

[givemestrength123]

DD18 wants to take my new tent - unused to a festival for her friends for 5 days before I have used it to take my younger children away in holiday. She has her own tent but is 'not big enough', mine is. I have said she can take it but I will have to buy a new one as she can't guarantee it won't be trashed. She comes back on Monday we are camping on Wednesday. She has said she will replace the tent if gets ruined but has now asked me to buy food for her festival as she can't afford it.
Since she got paid at the end of the month she's bought 5/ 6 new tops, bags, trousers, shorts for the festivals.

I don't want to go camping with children in a tent which has been slept in for 5 days by random teenagers doing god alone knows what.

I have said she can take the tent but I can't buy the food as I will have to buy another tent. Or she takes her tent back that she's loaned out and I buy the food.

She's now loudly sobbing in her room texting me she can't go now because I won't buy her food.

I have just had a text she's going to clear the cupboards at home to take.

You went and bought her food to take?!

You’ve promised your younger DC a camping trip: keep your new tent and deliver on that!

Stop letting DD call the shots in your family.

I haven’t read all answers so I might be repeating what others have said.
She can’t take your new tent to the festival. It’s the family tent and too big to carry anyway.
The kids can buy a cheap tent together and maybe you could contribute towards it £10 or so. A lot of them do so she won’t be any different. Most people leave the tents behind for obvious reasons.
It may be that she committed herself to providing the tent to her group of friends and is too embarrassed to back out. She just needs to tell them that she’s not allowed to have the family tent.
As for food, definitely you should cover the cost as you’d be feeding her when she’s at home. Go to the supermarket together with her list and do it together but let her choose whatever she wants because she wouldn’t necessarily consume what you think she should eat whilst at the festival.
I think it would be mean not to let her keep her new clothes like someone suggested.

Who paid for the festival ticket? - they are not cheap.

The most awful part of this thread is people casually saying their children dump tents at festivals. That is disgusting littering and a file attitude.

I know. It makes me laugh when people say the current generation of young people are the most environmentally conscious ever - some are, on the whole, they really aren't. (Nor the most tolerant ever.)

waterrat unfortunately this is the sad reality. I don’t know if this is true at all, but someone told me that these tents are collected, cleaned and donated to a homeless charity.

branster unfortunately it’s not true - probably a myth peddled by those who want to feel better about leaving them behind

metro.co.uk/2018/08/29/thousands-of-tents-left-behind-at-reading-festival-that-will-now-go-to-landfill-7891779/

This thread is an education! Leaving tents behind. Trashing tents. People shitting in tents. People falling onto tents. I went to festivals when younger, but I really don't think it was normal to do these things then. (I am quite old though.) Maybe it's just another manifestation of consumable culture.

If the festival is in Newquay, it's been cancelled

@cushioncovers happily this is starting to change. www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.independent.co.uk/life-style/glastonbury-2019-tents-emily-eavis-waste-pollution-instagram-a8985456.html%3famp There was much less mess this year compared to other years I’ve been.

As a previous poster has already pointed out - you are sending really mixed messages. You will lend her the tent (then you hide the tent). You won't buy her food (and yet you have now bought food). No wonder she's behaving like a toddler, she's got no consistency and has no idea where she stands

I don't understand those saying you'd have to feed her at home so why not give her food or money while she's away. Food at home costs a fraction of what it does when out, even buying cereal bars crisps and snacks etc to take is more expensive than a home prepared meal like cottage pie or lasagne. So you could give her the money you've 'saved' by her going away for the weekend but I don't think that would pay for several days worth of food bought out ( with a tent how much else can she carry anyway?).

The mess left behind at these Festivals is horrendous, I passed Reading on the train last year, I was totally shocked. Agree with a PP that the younger generation think they are so environmentally concerned, but they really aren't.

I'm always disgusted at the tents and mess left behind at festivals too. And I hate the fact that plenty of parents excuse their offspring's shit behaviour "oh they all do it" or "they go to charity afterwards". Some go to charity because other, decent people pack them up after festivals, but a heck of a lot go to landfill because they're broken or there's simply not enough time to collect them. I actually think that the festivals could help a bit. They could run golf buggy shuttles so that people can carry their stuff home easier and they could give a future ticket discount voucher to anyone that brought a packed up tent to a designated collection area.

You need to get tough with her. You've allowed her to bully your kids, making her brother lend things and not getting him a card. You've allowed her to treat you all like garbage.

She's 18, not a toddler yet she acts like one and is allowed too, pandered too. Make changes now. Her old tent, buys her own food, sorts herself out. Then while she's gone make changes and stick to them.

Do not give her that food. And ask her in front of the boyfriend if she's finished bullying her siblings and being an unpleasant mare. She obviously doesn't play up around him, call her on it.

Agree: call her out on it in front of her boyfriend.

If her behaviour has changed massively in the past couple of months, I would also suggest drugs.

As she wouldn't be able to get a job as she would be too busy

Utter bollox. Don't give her £50 a week at uni; she needs to stand on her own 2 feet. And get a bloody job.

Last night she was as sweet as pie when getting her dinner - in front of bf. This morning she was rude and sulky when no one else was here, as she was picked up to go to the festival- yes she paid extra for early entry.

She's not taken the food. Her friend told her she had far too much stuff and made her unpack some of it. So she's left the food - not the many outfits she's bought. She tried to leave it strewn across her bedroom and got an attitude on when I told her to tidy it before she left.

She called out a 'Bye' as she walked out. Despite her younger siblings being in the sitting room. I called her back to say goodbye.

Things are going to be very different when she gets home. We can't continue for the next 6 weeks like this. It's not fair on anyone.

Things are going to be very different when she gets home.

How? What are you going to do? What are your strategies?

Have you spoken to your other children about this and it’s effects on them?

She’s spent all her wages and she wants bailing out now? Plus she’s said she can’t guarantee your tent won’t get trashed. No way would I let her take the new tent or buy her food for the trip, she had her wages she knew she was going camping and hasn’t planned for it properly.

Has she left this morning for Boardmasters? Just seen it's cancelled... www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-cornwall-49259812

Oh, and did she take your tent?!

She sounds like a selfish, spoilt, immature brat.

When she gets back she needs sitting down and given some home truths.

God op are you really ok with people insulting your daughter like this? Some really horrible people on here hurling abuse at her.

I know you open yourself up to thr nasties coming out when you post a thread, but this is people calling your daughter names and abusing her,

No she didn't take the tent. I plan on sitting her down for a serious chat when she gets home. She will have the same expectations on her as her siblings.

Her excuse is it's her last summer here, I don't know where she thinks she's going during the holidays of uni I will tell her she's doing a momentousnessly wonderful job of turn everyone at home against her.

As for strategies hit me with your suggestions.

I know I will be getting the passive aggressive ignoring or texts how everything is shit and it's my fault. Unless she has a complete melt down and I have to drive and go and get her.

Unless she has a complete melt down and I have to drive and go and get her

Well, one would be not to do that. She can make her own way back with her friends and bf.