Daughter wants to take my new tent to festival

[givemestrength123]

DD18 wants to take my new tent - unused to a festival for her friends for 5 days before I have used it to take my younger children away in holiday. She has her own tent but is 'not big enough', mine is. I have said she can take it but I will have to buy a new one as she can't guarantee it won't be trashed. She comes back on Monday we are camping on Wednesday. She has said she will replace the tent if gets ruined but has now asked me to buy food for her festival as she can't afford it.
Since she got paid at the end of the month she's bought 5/ 6 new tops, bags, trousers, shorts for the festivals.

I don't want to go camping with children in a tent which has been slept in for 5 days by random teenagers doing god alone knows what.

I have said she can take the tent but I can't buy the food as I will have to buy another tent. Or she takes her tent back that she's loaned out and I buy the food.

She's now loudly sobbing in her room texting me she can't go now because I won't buy her food.

I have just had a text she's going to clear the cupboards at home to take.

She needs to get a job. I'd be giving her nothing, no tent, no food. Y I h dont need to fund her desire to go to a festival. 🙄

She's a brat.
If she wants to go she should fund it herself.
No money, no food, no tent.
Let her moan and bang about all she wants. She's an adult now and she needs to behave like on, she needs to get her priorities straight.
You don't buy new clothes for a festival when you can't afford food, in fact why on earth would you buy new clothes for a festival anyway!

She’s already promised to replace it if it gets completely trashed in some freak accident.

So do tell. She’s saying she can’t even afford food for the festival so how much chance do you think there is that she’ll have the money to replace OP’s tent? Particularly given that she has a shit attitude to begin with.

OP, if you aren’t already, make her pull her weight around the house

I keep hearing this about brain development at 25 but plenty of us managed to budget, live independently of parents etc in our 20s. And plenty of people still do. So whatever science is behind this, it doesn’t stop anyone adulting!

We had a few of these at uni. Complete spoilt princesses who behaved like total brats. Uni doesn't change them, they just go around playing the victim even though they are the abusive bullies. But all their parents and guidance professors are told by them that they're being treated terribly and no one will do anything for them blah blah blah.
They usually came from rich families though, so at least when they screwed up at uni they had their parents money to fall back on.

@RosaWaiting again she used to be really helpful around the house. But since finishing her exams she's really backed off. She rarely does anything including putting her dirty stuff in the dishwasher. I told her last week when we had a row over her DB playing xbox in his room that it's not a hotel after she got so cross she launched her dinner across the room, she said 'It is now!'

I don't know what has happened in the last 2 months why she's gotten progressively worse. I haven't treated her any differently. But she's so hard to live with.

Your daughter is a spoilt brat who, at 18, is behaving like a 12-year-old.

If she's old enough to go to a festival on her own, she's old enough to make the arrangements herself rather than demanding mummy provides everything for her. Wash your hands of the whole thing and let her get on with it, without your tent and without the food from your cupboards.

Also, how much bloody food does she really need for a festival? When I went to a festival at her age I took two packets of bagels and some apples. And never got round to eating the apples.

Also ... I have to say that I'm amazed her mates don't find her a bit childish. When I was at university we used to cringe when we met people like that.

she launched her dinner across the room, she said 'It is now!'

Wtf

What did you do when she did this?

I'd have told her it was checkout time.

This is harsh, but it sounds like you have absolutely fucked up your parenting of this disgustingly behaved, entitled disgrace of an young adult. I really hope you make major changes in the way you deal with her from here on out, or she'll make a complete mess of the rest of her life.

From everything she’s said, OP (dunno where the other parent is) checked out of parenting or taking any responsibility for this abusive teen tyrant and bully a long long time ago.

She seems to hope outside agencies such as Uni to do all the parenting for her.

OP just shrugs and chooses to continues to enable her cos it’s easier.

It’s pathetic and passively abusive to her other kids.

They are the only ones who deserve any sympathy.

I went to the supermarket and got her some bread rolls, cereal bars, tins of beans and crisps.

More pandering. For the love of green apples toughen up OP. You don't follow through and she knows it.

What was the consequence for the violence? Because that's what 'launching' her dinner is.

I'm feeling very sorry for your other kids if this is how they're having to live.

@givemestrength123 whoa that throwing of the dinner seems totally out of bounds and possibly even out of character, even for your daughter. Something else may be going on. Drugs, early signs of mental illness, etc.

If you let her take your tent, you are demonstrating to your younger children that their family holiday can be ruined on the whims of their sister. You and your daughter are teaching all of the children that the stroppiest, most obnoxious behaviour pays off.

She has a tent, she has food (I expect she actually wanted cash to spend there rather than actual food, so be prepared for another tantrum about that).

Another thread is saying one of those festivals is cancelled.

The short answer is, "You and your friends need a tent to go to festival? You and your friends can buy one between you".

The last few times my Foster teens have attended festivals they and their friends have bought tents between them. They left the tents there!

Don't let them use your family tent OP.

OP, if you don’t cook for her or do her laundry, she’ll have to.

Btw re the sudden change - drugs?

RosaWaiting you beat me to it.

I wouldn’t let her take the new tent. She can take her own smaller one or organise something else. I would give her a sensible amount for food. As I presume that you normally feed her when she is at home. If She feels that this isn’t enough money for the particular foods she wants then she can use her own money make up the extra.

"The tent is in hiding and has been for a few hours"
Good. But she may consider it a challenge and find it, just to show you. I'd suggest dropping it round to a friend's, just to get it completely out of her clutches.

Boardmasters is cancelled. She could sell her reading ticket and just do boomtown, freeing up cash.

I have no clue what you do about the festivals, it's a really difficult situation. My main concern would be wondering if she is clear about what money she will have at uni and is she able to plan to budget it.
I do feel for her because it's hard to learn how to budget when you haven't had those sums of money available to you before. It's a learning curve. But you don't want her spending her entire term's loan in the first three weeks and then having a tantrum until you give her more cash.

Boom town may as well be called take loads of drugs town.

The change in behaviour makes me wonder If she is struggling to adjust to the new freedom that stopping "school" brings.

Also is she nervous/scared about uni and trying to put a front on?

The weather is meant to be awful this weekend. So if she has never done a festival/outdoor things then she will need wellies or decent walking boots. Wearing trainers or converse style shoes wont cut it and she could potentially end up with infections in her feet from not having dry footwear.