Daughter wants to take my new tent to festival

[givemestrength123]

DD18 wants to take my new tent - unused to a festival for her friends for 5 days before I have used it to take my younger children away in holiday. She has her own tent but is 'not big enough', mine is. I have said she can take it but I will have to buy a new one as she can't guarantee it won't be trashed. She comes back on Monday we are camping on Wednesday. She has said she will replace the tent if gets ruined but has now asked me to buy food for her festival as she can't afford it.
Since she got paid at the end of the month she's bought 5/ 6 new tops, bags, trousers, shorts for the festivals.

I don't want to go camping with children in a tent which has been slept in for 5 days by random teenagers doing god alone knows what.

I have said she can take the tent but I can't buy the food as I will have to buy another tent. Or she takes her tent back that she's loaned out and I buy the food.

She's now loudly sobbing in her room texting me she can't go now because I won't buy her food.

I have just had a text she's going to clear the cupboards at home to take.

Good for you @givemestrength123. Good luck xxxx

Good going givemestrenght123. She thinks she can excuse her bad behaviour and get away with shit and you've told her no chance. Keep sticking to it and definitely take ger to GP. She could be anxious (still inexcusable) but some of her escalating behaviour whiffs of possible drug use to me.

well done OP. That required a lot of strength. Keep going.

op well done for being firm and fair.

The only thing I wanted to add is that she is probably done in so her behaviour is shitty, but maybe cute her some slack for the next few days. Just ignore her and don’t have any big chats.

If her dad was as bad as you say, please don’t compare her to him. That’s very damaging for her. Won’t help at all it will just wound her deeply.

Try your very best to be calm but resolute. I've learnt that when the red mist descends there is nothing you can say that will get through to them. You have to wait until they are calm. She might well blow up again at that point but eventually she will realise that you have new steel in your backbone.
You have been supportive of her issues by suggesting the doctor. You can be sympathetic but still resolute about her respecting you all. Remember not to baby her. Some rules you do need to relax now she's an adult.
Help her be independent but responsible and respectful.

Omg. Can't believe what I have just read! Sobbing in her bedroom? Really? She knew she was going so why spend all her wages. No way would I lend my new tent......you are, in effect, lending it to 5 others you probably don't know. Where is their responsibility in all this? They should have started a tent and food kitty long before this. Can't believe the sobbing bit...she is an adult for goodness sake! I was married and running a home at her age and couldn't just spit the dummy when things didn't go my way!

God, what a nightmare. I think you handled it really well. I hope she sees sense and realises you are right and she will drive people away with this behaviour. I can't believe she threw her dinner across the room! I hope you and your younger children have a nice holiday.

Well done. I think you have handled things well. Keep going

lollee
Maybe RTFT It's all over and done with

I know she didn't take the new tent but did I she bring the one she did take back?

i bet she's abusing drugs.

How are you op and how are things going with your dd? How did A levels results day go?

SavingSpaces, a minor point, but one that irks me: the term is 'misusing drugs', not abusing. If someone abuses a drug they must be standing there shouting and swearing at a wrap of powder!! Misusing is using when not necessary, or using too much of medical drugs, etc. Using is when you should use them, e.g. medical opioids for someone in serious pain.

the term is 'misusing drugs', not abusing
God - how pedantic!

If you want to be really pedantic purple then the correct terminology in the addictions/drug recovery community is 'problematic use'......

Hope your camping trip is going well in the new tent, OP, and that it's holding up to the rain. Hopefully you can have a meaningful conversation with your dd when you're back and she's over any festy lurgy that she's picked up. I always feel rough / fluey for a few days, and it's certainly not because I've been taking drugs!