Daughter wants to take my new tent to festival

[givemestrength123]

DD18 wants to take my new tent - unused to a festival for her friends for 5 days before I have used it to take my younger children away in holiday. She has her own tent but is 'not big enough', mine is. I have said she can take it but I will have to buy a new one as she can't guarantee it won't be trashed. She comes back on Monday we are camping on Wednesday. She has said she will replace the tent if gets ruined but has now asked me to buy food for her festival as she can't afford it.
Since she got paid at the end of the month she's bought 5/ 6 new tops, bags, trousers, shorts for the festivals.

I don't want to go camping with children in a tent which has been slept in for 5 days by random teenagers doing god alone knows what.

I have said she can take the tent but I can't buy the food as I will have to buy another tent. Or she takes her tent back that she's loaned out and I buy the food.

She's now loudly sobbing in her room texting me she can't go now because I won't buy her food.

I have just had a text she's going to clear the cupboards at home to take.

Be careful op- the way little madams brain works she might spend up her grant on socializing & fashion early in the year & expect you to rescue her - make sure she knows that isn't going to happen!

She needs to sort her head out. She's chucking a tantrum because she didn't get organised. She can't be blaming everyone around her for her indefinitely.

Teenagers eh! Do not let her take the tent!! Could you buy her a larger but cheap tent and the food and make her pay you back for the tent next month? Or would this really stretch you. I’m not sure there’s a solution if that’s the case other than risk it or tell her no to the tent.

If it's the festival in Newquay, it's been cancelled anyway, due to bad weather.

Give. Could she be taking drugs. I work in a Court. Drugs change people. Even cannabis.

just no!.....the tent will be left behind in a field after being trashed by hoards of drunken youths (my daughter is a festival junkie)...you will never see it again (ps. no one takes food to festivals only alcohol)

I plan on sitting her down for a serious chat when she gets home. She will have the same expectations on her as her siblings

Apologies for being negative but it's probably too late for that; she's a legal adult now, it's not likely you'll be able to do much in the few weeks before UNI, and if you press her she'll probably just doss with friends in the holidays instead of coming home (which in turn probably means you'll pander again so as not to "alienate her")

Hopefully the communal living at Uni will teach her a few things, but if not the next learning point will be when she starts work ... and good luck with that if she doesn't alter her attitude

No chance she'd be taking the tent, nor would I be providing food. She knew she was going and chose not to plan for it. You're doing her no favours.

Buy her the food. No to tent. It will never come back in one piece.

That tent will barely make the end of the festival. Everyone knows you trash your tent and leave it there - - no one manages to bring one back.

Food - yeah, you can help out, but she needs to work out what is the best kind of food. Nothing spoilable, which limits it to energy bars, apples and water. Maybe a pot noodle or two if someone can boil water.

Festivals. It's a phase. It'll pass. Pretty soon after her fun new festival clothes get either trashed or nicked.

Read the thread, people - or at least OP's updates; the DD has already left for the festival and hasn't taken her mum's tent

Fascinating to hear about all these tents left behind, though. A pal's DD is a big festival-goer and also one who prates about the "climate emergency" to whoever will listen (and even some who won't). Last night I was with her mum so took the opportunity to ask what she does with her tents - and she stormed out of the room, muttering

What was that Harry said? The "most engaged generation ever"?

Just horrified at your dds behaviour. Yes this is something along the lines of coercive control or harrassment

What a fucking nightmare to live with. I suggest you set some concrete boundaries in place going forward.

If it's anything like the festivals I have been to, the tent will get wrecked. Dont let her take it. She needs to grow up, empty the cupboards wtf?

Its time for a lesson in growing up and being responsibility.Choices here: Old tent and food,new tent no food,Dont go at all,see if she can borrow a tent.Dont give in to her tears as she is hoping you will give in and is trying to threaten you into giving in.stand your ground as these are important life lessons for her.

Errr I’ve been to Leeds festival about 8 times (from 18+) not once did my mother pay for a tent, food, my ticket, nada...
I never asked her to, I never expected her to, I worked instead
It’s definitely about time she started learning how to budget/spend her money properly and you are absolutely not being unreasonable
Don’t let her take your tent, chances are you’ll never see it again

(Paid for my own uni halls too btw)

I’d buy a bit of food, and maybe even suggest another cheap tent ... major sales on just now could pickmone up for £10 or £20 so there’s more sleeping space.

Absolutely no way on the nice new tent... not a chance, makes sure she knows not all these wishy washy options and mind changing

Get her a cheap pop-tent which she can throw away afterwards.

Well tough shit really for your DD. Tell her to return the clothes she bought and buy food with that, or stay at home and sulk.

No way! Think of your younger children, their holiday will be ruined if she takes the tent and it will be your fault for saying yea. How on earth is she going to cope at university if she can't even manage her money to go to 2 festivals.

Just RTFT, good she didn't take the tent. My sister was like this and still goes sobbing to my parents for money now she is nearly 40, even though her rent etc is paid. She spends her money on crap so they feel guilted into paying bills etc; nip it in the bud now! When did she start dating her bf by the way?

No tent and no food. If you let her get away with this what will be the next piece of outrageous entitlement? You cannot let your younger DC see her getting away with this or your life will be misery with them too when they are her age.

Both of mine went to Reading with cheap Argos tents they bought themselves. They reported ubiquitous drugs, filthy hygiene and mega expensive food, none of which they liked. They had a nice time, however, sticking width close friends and staying safe by vigilance. It’s all a learning experience.

Exactly @Puzzledandpissedoff. I went to tons of festivals in my distant past and every single time took a tent there and then dragged it home again.

The good thing about Glastonbury is that they're working hard to show that tents are NOT disposable. All the other festivals need to step up and parents need to stop indulging this mindful waste.

OP you said she was really well behaved up until exams, is it possible she's freaking out at leaving home (her comfort zone) and doesn't know how to acknowledge that?

Or is worried she's done badly in her exam?

Tents can and do come back from festivals. I’m not sure I would lend someone my brand new tent though. But if you’ve already said she can borrow it then you can’t really go back on it. Impress upon her the need to look after it, clean it and bring it back in one piece. It’s ridiculous to say that everyone trashes their tents and leaves them behind!! That’s certainly not the case and if your DD understands this will not be acceptable then I hope she will be responsible enough to bring it back clean and in one piece.
As for the food....where do I begin?! As a teenager (younger than 18) I would not have dreamed of asking my parents to buy my food for a holiday! I’m amazed some people on here think you should be doing this!! You absolutely should not be buying her food. She is being incredibly demanding and selfish to say she will have to empty the cupboards. That’s not her food to take. Please don’t let her do this! I think you said you would be having a word about her attitude and not a moment too soon!! She can return a couple of items of the clothing she bought this month and use that money to buy some cheap food. You are already being very kind lending her your new tent. She doesn’t strike me as very responsible and I would be wondering if a festival is the best place for her! She needs a bloody good change of attitude in my view. Good luck OP!

I think you were right to withhold the tent. Taking tents to festivals is risky.
I have had people piss and puke on my tent. Drunken blokes falling on top of it wrecking it. Someone slice the back of it to go in and Rob it. Someone go in and take a dump in it. Once got the poles robbed out of it ( clearly the thieves had the same tent that got smashed). People wrecking their own tent and squatting / taking over somebody else's is not unheard of either.