Daughter wants to take my new tent to festival

[givemestrength123]

DD18 wants to take my new tent - unused to a festival for her friends for 5 days before I have used it to take my younger children away in holiday. She has her own tent but is 'not big enough', mine is. I have said she can take it but I will have to buy a new one as she can't guarantee it won't be trashed. She comes back on Monday we are camping on Wednesday. She has said she will replace the tent if gets ruined but has now asked me to buy food for her festival as she can't afford it.
Since she got paid at the end of the month she's bought 5/ 6 new tops, bags, trousers, shorts for the festivals.

I don't want to go camping with children in a tent which has been slept in for 5 days by random teenagers doing god alone knows what.

I have said she can take the tent but I can't buy the food as I will have to buy another tent. Or she takes her tent back that she's loaned out and I buy the food.

She's now loudly sobbing in her room texting me she can't go now because I won't buy her food.

I have just had a text she's going to clear the cupboards at home to take.

@AFistfulofDolores1 I do agree. She's a very big loud demanding person who we all do pander too.

She's emptied the cupboards, then had a go that I moved the tent. It's been put out of her way.

She's then returned the food well left all over the kitchen side and asked for cash instead.

When I asked her to put her washing up in the dishwasher was told 'No'.

But she doesn't need a lift to the shop to get shopping as her boyfriend will take her and she DOES NOT NEED A LIFT TOMORROW.

@fedup21 I tried that a number of times - she refuses to communicate at that point. Just tells me I a boring and being weird about the tent.

Her tent is a 4 man tent but only one room and she doesn't want to share a room.

She doesn't have to. Her friends can get their own tents.

She sounds like an absolute pain in the arse. You have to wonder where the entitled bratty behaviour comes from though. She sounds used to getting her own way and manipulating people.

A few years ago, DP convinced me to lend my newest tent to DSS. He was about 23 at the time, pretty sensible and it wasn't for a festival, so I was persuaded.

It came back with burns in the groundsheet, several split poles as they had hardly used any of the guy ropes, a small tear in the flysheet and something very sticky spilt on it.

Never again will I lend anyone a decent tent.

She sounds like an 11 year old in the way she speaks to you. I wouldn't give her a penny and I absolutely wouldn't lend her a brand new tent.

Yes take the tent out of your house.

She’s having a toddler meltdown. God I am dreading the teenage

Christ, nasty to her brother, has you all walking on eggshells...

Never mind the tent, I'd be telling her that at 18 it was time for her to move out and find her own place. How much does a room in a shared house cost round your way? If she was mine, I'd even offer to pay the deposit just to get her away from being nasty to all of you.

I'm sorry to say this but your daughter doesn't sound like a particularly decent human being. If she is off to uni, then she is plenty old enough to know how to behave. She sounds very entitled and mean-spirited. In your shoes I would definitely not be lending her the tent or buying her food.

Yikes. The pandering has probably made the behavior worse, but it's not too late to stop it now.

I do know I am the catalyst for her poor behaviour. Ironically the others have been treated exactly the same but are nothing like her - so far.

I am leaving her to banging about in her room swearing and shouting. No doubt my name is mud across Snapchat.

The next week will be quite peaceful in comparison.

Why are you enabling her?

You seem so passive?!

I feel sorry for her siblings but I’m very much leaning towards blaming the parents for creating this monstrous behaviour.

wombless I agree - I've been to Reading and Glasto a few times back in the 1990's and it never crossed my mind to just walk off and leave my tent there.
It also never crossed my mind to get my Mum to pay for food and lend me a tent! I think the tent was a bday gift & it was used for Glasto but had also been round Europe Inter railing. I don't remember things getting so trashed back in those days...

givemestrength stay strong! My DS is the same - always asking for things. DD never asks for a thing. Same parents just different personalities.

@SeeSomethingSaySomething I really wish I wasn't! I know I am. But the foot is down.

She has a tent. She has money. She has as she say 7/8 changes of outfits. She has her phone and 4 chargers. She will be fine.

the others have been treated exactly the same

I think you’re kidding yourself here tbh.

I do know I am the catalyst for her poor behaviour. Ironically the others have been treated exactly the same but are nothing like her - so far.

I very much doubt that you are. At 18, she should be past the worst of the hormonal stage - if she's being nasty, that is her choice. Neither you nor her siblings are making her behave so nastily - she is choosing to do so.

@FermatsTheorem not arguing with you at all but I thought they didn't stop this shit till their brains fully form at 25?

Ds and his mates have clubbed together to buy a tent and the plan on leaving it at Reading if it gets trashed. Worked out about a tenner each as there's 8 of them.

Not speaking as a medic or psychologist at all - just remembering my experience as a teen myself in an all girls' school (that was fun...) where it seemed like 13/14 was the age girls became spawn of satan, then magically seemed to emerge from it at about the age of 16. But you're right that the prefrontal lobes (the bits that do impulse control and forward planning) aren't mature till the early twenties.

Stop enabling her awful behaviour.

It's fine to tell her you've changed your mind about the tent. If she starts going on and on about it - cut her off. If she's accusing you of 'being weird' about the tent, just tell her 'Ok, you can think whatever you like but it doesn't change the fact that it's my tent and you're not taking it'.

Stop trying to talk her round to a point where she'll agree with you because it is never going to happen. The best you can do is to set clear boundaries. She is never going to agree with you unless you suddenly offer to bankroll her lifestyle forever.

Your daughter is acting like an arse! I would withdraw rent offer and food shop offer and let her cope alone.
Why does she think crying and threatening will result in her getting her own way?

Tent not rent

Why is it down to her to provide her friends with a tent-did you explain that, OP?

@BeeFarseer I know you're right. She tried to suggest that i needed to give her £50 a week at uni despite being in catered accommodation. As she wouldn't be able to get a job as she would be too busy.